The Lyrics of Life in LA

On the Mend

Being sick makes you sort of feel muted.
I have been housebound with a few exceptions that I will tell you about.
Being housebound keeps you from the action which is good if you need to heal but bad if you are a person who likes to be in the mix as I am.
I just get the peripheral version of everything and my head is only half interested because the other half of my interest is involved in my coughing or my sinuses or my burning red nose from blowing too much.

I don't usually get sick. I am not usually sitting watching crap day tv between naps. I don't usually lack an appetite. I don't usually drink a river worth of water. But all of that happened and it made me wonder who I am.
I would have become depressed if sleep hadn't always come in and taken over.
I had a mild bronchitus and a sinus infection. it seems that this year I am sampling different ailments.

I am back at work today and I am glad to put my brain back in action. I am happy to have a little bit of a schedule. To be perfectly honest, though, I am missing nap time. I am a little sleepy at the moment. But work has been fine.

This week, for as crappy as I felt, was wonderful in many ways.

Saturday, Mads, Ennui and I went to Santa Barbara for a day long road trip. If I had been feeling better, it would have been mucho better but it was still a great time. On the way home, we started playing a game sort of. It was "What would you rather..."
Here are some things we came up with (only some of them as many were too disgusting to repeat even though they brought huge amounts of asthmatic laughter from all 3 of us):
What would you rather...pose nude for a photograph for Carrot Top or George W.?
What would you rather...go down on James Brown or Ron Jeremy?
What would you rather...live in an apartment with no bathroom or have rats in your place?
etc etc etc... we went on like this almost the whole way home.

Then on Sunday, we as a large group of like 8-10 people went to the Hollywood Bowl to see Sondre Lerche, Stereo Lab and Air. It was an amazing concert. The air was great, the food that Mads and Ennui brought was great. Jazzy and Mads had gotten the tickets several months ago. Some people in our group were irritating us in a big way but for the most part, it was a spectacular eve. The light show on stage was transfixing me in my medicated stupor.
A surprise for the audience was that Beck came on stage to play one song as well as Jason Faulkner. Screams from the ladies in our group couldn't have been sharper if you were at Graceland saying that Elvis was still alive.

Earlier that night, I started to join them at the Bowl, but my tire was flat. Here is how cool Mads was...she came to pick me up right when the concert was starting. I called her to let her know that since so many people were involved that I could just bow out and not go. I wanted to go, but I didn't know how I would get there. So after she went and got food, bought all the tix for everyone, convinced annoying-friend-A (AFA) to come even though UFA was crying and was in a mood, drove annoying-friend-B (AFB aka Sagi) with all her particular negativity, was running late, after all that, Mads still came and swooped me up like a mama bird not leaving anyone behind. I was so grateful because it was a great evening.

Last night was Evren Goknar's show at the Derby with Pete. It was great. They played so well. If you ever have a chance to see him, you must. He is a really talented songwriter and singer. Pete also mentioned we can start up again with the lessons. Woo hoo. That makes me very happy. It was fun to see everyone again. After the show, we all chatted a bit. Bragged about the Air show at the Bowl. When I ordered my 3rd glass of water, the bartender actually growled at me. Hold on there buddy, I am a good tipper, even on water. My dad used to bartend so slow down your testosterone driven anger and just calm your shit down. Once I tipped, I can't say he felt bad for having growled but I felt better for letting him know, I am not new to being in a bar, I am just sick and water was all I wanted.
After the chatting was underway, I began to feel a little pooped out. Uncharacteristic of me, I left early to save my strength.

Hopefully, this feeling of being muted will subside as I begin to breathe through my nose again. Feeling muted makes me realize that I took feeling vibrant for granted. Grass is always greener shit...

Sorry this entry was so long and disjointed. I need to get back into form. I just needed to update my lovely readers who send me emails as to where I have gone.
I am still here better and stronger than ever *cough cough cough cough COUGH*
Okay maybe not better and stronger, but I am still here.

The Crud

The first memory I have of being sick with a fever was on a school night when I was 7. We had these floor heaters that in the mornings we would stand over and lean against the wall to get warm. On this particular night, I was soooo cold. I couldn't heat up enough even over the heater. I wrapped myself into a little ball and lay down next to the warm air. I fell asleep that way. When my mom woke me up, I didn't feel any better. I didn't know what was happening to me. It felt awful.

I don't get the flu very often. I may get a head cold here and there but really sick...well that just doesn't happen to me that often.
It happened last night.
Ugh.
I got home around 6:30 and ate a piece of pita bread and took some vitamins.
I crawled into bed and thought sleep was all I would need.
I am going to save you the gory details, but I woke up every hour in a sweat with a bowl next to my bed. I was lying still at one point and my body was on fire. I could feel heat radiating from my legs. My temp was 102 degrees. "That's not good", I muttered out loud.
Even the slightest shift would make everything wonky and I would run to the bathroom. Well, not so much run as walk like a drunk person around the obstacle course I had left all along the living room of my bags, books, and clothing.
Back in bed, I thought I was going to die. Assuming the fetal position, I tried to force myself to fall asleep. But alas, it just wasn't happening. So to pass the time, I re-enacted death bed scenes from movies I remember. Where you try and smile through your pain and show those around you how strong you are. I was doing Jason Robarbs from Magnolia, Meryl Streep from One True Thing. I even was creating a script in my head of a girl who was the life of the party and suddenly was infected with an unknown virus (probably aliens) and her family and husband were gathered around her bed. She was telling them things to think about that would make them feel happy. I was saintly in my death bed scene. And in every scene, I acted out the actual passing.
It helped for awhile. I even laughed at the obsurdity of what I was doing. Which wasn't a good idea. The laughter created a need to run to the bathroom again and grab the bowl.
I did, however, look out the window at 4am. The sky was really clear and I either saw a very bright star, or a planet (Mars, Venus? whatever you can sometimes see from earth). I normally wouldn't have seen it. So that was cool. It made me smile for a moment until I started coughing. And coughing.
Oy.
Being sick sucks.

Sliding Into the Cough Syrup Induced Mystic

I am trying to kick this crud that is sneaking into my lungs and nose so bear with me if this is a short entry.

Oh Happy Day! I started to make great headway on my novel last night.
I brought nothing since I had written nothing. I was prepared to go over Evan's story but he wouldn't have it. The imbalance of us talking only of his novel didn't sit well with him. I was fine with it, since I had read his work and was ready to discuss it. But no, he even timed how long we talked about his story and then took the pages away from me. I laughed because I knew that he was calling me on my procrastination. So, we worked on my outline and story and plot points. And lo and behold, my story started to emerge. Ahhhh. Deep exhale.

Mads and I were supposed to go to the Ramones documentary at the Arclight around 10pm last night but we were both too tired. We had a long conversation on the phone. I wish us both good stuff in the near future. It has been a hard year. It is sometimes so hard to put stuff out there and put stuff out there only to have red herrings thrown in your path and have nothing turn out as you thought it would. But I am on the upswing from it all and keep a candlelight vigil of hope in this noggin of mine.

I woke up all groggy this morning and couldn't even drag my butt to the gym. I could barely sit up. I downed some cough syrup (that's good to take right before driving to work).
I would have called in sick but I was bringing in pumpkin bread to work for Marci's birthday. I swear that stuff is like crack. Maybe it is the nutmeg. Or the chocolate chips. It is the only thing I know how to make that I don't have to apologize for or explain. It just is perfection. And I can't take any credit since it is really the recipe that does it all. We are never short of birthday parties in our department and between all of us (Rere, Tania and me) we keep the party training a-rolling.

Tonight there are several options of things to do. One of the options is to see Something for Rockets who is playing at Spaceland and even though I love the lead singer's voice and feel groovy listening to their tunes, I am still not feeling 100%.

Good news though is that Evren will be playing again (we were jonseing for a fix) at the Derby next Tuesday. I will get to see all the peeps we see at their shows. It will be like old home week. I can't believe it has been a year since his cd release party. That was one of those nights where I felt like the belle of the ball and everything seemed easy and my social skills were in fine form. Ah. I could use another night like that. Or just some sleep.

Until the next time

Another #^$&* Breakfast Club Moment

I think that LA is so weird because it is always divided when it comes to rank. Who you know, who you work for, who your boss knows...blah blah blah.

You can be on top of the world working for someone everyone respects and tries to get ahold of. Just the mention of your boss's name or company is cache into a VIP swirl.

A week later, however, you could be working for third rate production company where no one (even the people who last week were sending YOU presents) will return the calls. It is a fickle world.

And nowhere do you see that than at a party. Or to be more exact, a premiere party.

So last night was a big premiere for my company.
Following the film, we all attended the after party (natch).

Food was bizarre. A mix of this and that (pretzels and tacos (what?) mixed with mini cheeseburgers and lollipop cookies (which were just chocolate chip cookies on sticks...yummmm)which didn't really reflect the theme of the film. Don't get me wrong...I still ate it but it was an odd mix.

Free alcohol. Knowing my limit though, I had a moderate amount to drink.
The night was sooooo clear. You could see all the way from Century City to Downtown. The city glistened and twinkled below us and I was just smiling as the wind blew cool on us.

I was energized by the temperature actually. I loved it. I was a social butterfly. Meeting this person and that. Talking shop with superiors. Sharing war wounds with others like me. Everyone is on the same page. Everyone is breathing the same party air.

People who see me at work but not socially were thrown by my ebullient self. They thought it was the liquor (maybe it was a little) but truly, I come alive in parties. Especially with cute boys from work, music, wine, food and a movie-clear night.
And particularly when the playing field is leveled.

My achilles heel for the night was the pain in my feet from my shoes. My shoes. My new cute shoes that I decided to wear for the first time. Well, I wore them once last week for an hour but this was the first time I was dancing and walking up and down stairs. And that...that was a mistake.
They killed. I still danced. And oh how I danced.
But my feet and toes were cryin "Uncle".
Finally, around 1:15, we left. I took my shoes off and walked barefoot to the car. That didn't feel great either, but at least I could move faster. And after I made it home, I crashed into slumber.

Today, everyone is moving very slowly.
The air is very very dry. I have already had two glasses of EmergenC and a ton of water.
The dry air coupled with dehydration of a fabulous night of yummy drinks makes my my mouth and nose feel like the Sahara.

I am wearing my ballet slipper flats to ease last night's pedi-mistake.
Everyone has that look of too few hours of sleep.
And there is that strange moment of seeing the people you were talking with the night before.
Nods are passed, but recognition is fuzzy.
We are the Breakfast Club in the cafeteria line.
Today is a new day and everything goes back to the way it was before.

All of what passed among you the night before is gone.

Except for the memories of a sparkling LA evening where we were all equal.

And except for the pictures I took that I will later use as blackmail...mwa ha ha ha ha.
I wish I were that evil.
*Sigh*

I Have a Crush on Fall

After several crazy shit years where every good thing turns into a nothing. And after so many attempts of being good humored about it all, I finally feel a relief that has lasted longer than a minute.

For the past month, my weekends have been getting better and better. I am relaxing and sleeping and socializing a lot.

This weekend proved to be the same. With the exception of the long walk from the car mechanic, I had a great time Saturday night. Mads, Jazzy and I went to have margaritas at El Coyote. Later we ended up at 4100. I actually wrote more but then deleted it since the night ended the way it usually does (with alcohol induced ups and downs). We ended up going to Brite Spot for some food around 1am. It had been so long since I had seen Jazzy. It was so nice to hang with the sisters. They are cool cool people. If you ever meet them, you will know what I am talking about.

Sunday morning, I slept in until 11am when a cool breeze subtly woke me up. I love this weather. I didn't start stirring until 4pm when I took a shower and I began to make my coffee around 4:30. I then started to come alive when I saw out my window the gloriously clear blue sky. It smelled like Halloween is near and I got the tickle in the tummy when something really exciting is about to happen. I baked some pumpkin bread for someone at work with a birthday this week.

Mads picked up Ennui from the airport as she returned from Colorado. Then we went to LaLa's for some dinner.

After dinner, we went back to my place for some pumpkin bread and to ask my newly purchased pendulum some questions. Ennui doesn't even believe in psychics really but couldn't put the pendulum down.
"Is it accurate"
"Um, I think so. It has been for me" I said,
"She was using a technique with her fingers that equals that of the pendulum but she sprained her fingers asking so many questions." Mads said about me.
"That's right. The pendulum takes the pain away from my digits" I said nodding, pretending to ignore that she was slightly poking fun at me and my cultish ways.
"But it is working. I am not moving it." Ennui said again.
Time will tell if any of answers we got come true. It is more like a feel-good fix that I use from time to time.

We sat in my living room waiting for something but not sure what. Mads read a magazine while Ennui held the pendulum and I ate the pumpkin bread. The air wafting in mingling with the bread smell made me really really excited for fall. I love the air when it is like this. I had the tummy tickle again and I sort of felt antsy but good.

Today, I have been all giddy and spacey because of the wind. It is infusing me with all the goodies that come with fall air.
I have regained my energy and went to the gym this morning. I almost sang as I walked back home breathing in the smell of a cool morning.

Next weekend, we will go to the Bowl to see Air, Sondre Lerche and Stereo Lab. It should be a blast. And If the weather will be anything like it was this weekend, I will be in heaven and you will catch me in a happy coma.

I love every season when it comes but I think right now...I have a crush on fall.

Magnolia, feh

I woke up early yesterday to take my car in to be fixed. I get there at 8am and ask if there is a coffee shop nearby (I will have to leave my car there for 3 hours - THERE being Burbank).
"Is there a coffee shop nearby?"
"A coffee shop?"
"Yeah, like a Starbucks or a Coffee Bean or some place I can sit and read for 3 hours, walk to and drink coffee?"
"There is a Burger King a block away."
"How about a coffee shop?"
"No, there is a Burger King."
I nod realizing that he doesn't know that I have my intent on getting a coffee and damnit, I will find one. Besides, I wore my sneakers just in case this happened. I am good to go.

I start walking down Magnolia Blvd. I walk and walk and walk. I am building a slight glow on my face and my denim jacket all of a sudden feels pretty heavy and very hot. I pass blocks and blocks of trophy shops, antique shops, hair salons, italian and mexican restaurants, and auto mechanics none of which are open yet.
NO COFFEE SHOP. Not one.
Not a diner.
Not a doughnut shop.
Nothing. No place I can rest my dogs. I take a repite on the steps of a church (I know - it sounds like I was gone for like days...trust me...at this point, I felt like it.)

I will be damned if I have been walking an hour and have yet to find one coffee shop. The mechanic may have been right, but now I was on a mission. Surely, there was SOMETHING!

In the distance I see an awning with a picture of a cup of coffee on it. Nirvana. A wave of emotion rolls over me.
the place is dark. They are playing Fleetwood Mac. Nice people are there talking about everything: the industry, how none of them have taken a cruise ever, music, etc.
I order a bagel and a latte and sit on the pillowed couch and exhale. I feel like a child in her mommy's arms.
I relax as I sip my wonderful coffee and I read Evan's novel.
Amidst my tra-la-la at resting, I notice that I am developing blisters on both of my feet. I wore my cute sneakers and not my work out sneakers. Poo.

After being there an hour and a half, I get the call from the mechanic
My car is ready.

I steady myself for the battle of the long long walk, the sun, and the blisters. I have since tied my jacket around my waist and I have my writers bag and my purse. I am feeling dragged down and hot.

It takes me another hour to trudge back to the mechanic. I believe I had walked about 6 miles all told. Which is great. I just wish I had worn work out gear and not been carrying my entire world. Nonetheless, I look at it as a spontaneous gift to have worked out in the outdoor air of morning. Well, that was more hindsight. In the moment, I just tried to maintain a steady gait.

I arrive at the mechanic looking less than pristine. I pay. I drive away.

I almost want to drive down Magnolia just to see how close I was to a Starbucks if I had gone a little further. Or to the left...or to the right.

But I don't. I drive back home. Crash on the couch.
A call from Madeleine to go to breakfast gives me a second wind.
Later, I go to my hair appointmen which is on Magnolia right next to the coffee place I was that morning. My blisters eek out a sharp pain to remind me of the trek. I am just so thankful I can leave after the appointment in my car. I love my hair and enjoyed my coffee that morning but once my appointment was done, I was happy to be leaving that area, not to return for awhile. I don't live anywhere near there. To have to visit it several times in one day...well, it made for a long day.
Magnolia may be a beautiful flower, a movie, a woman's name. But to me, it is a long long long long street that traverses the valley and is a pain in my ass...er my feet.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I have been in a slump. A little bored even.
I am looking at things positively, and trying to embrace a new way of thinking. And I have. But because of it, I mistook a slump for fatigue.

So last night, I decided to kick the slump to the curb.
I did some of the things I was putting off for the weekend. I did them last night. And I was infused with energy.

This morning I went to get a smog check to get my new tags.
I was reading the book of Intention. I intended to have a car that passed the smog check. Why wouldn't it? It is not that old of a car. Where was this weird anxiety of not passing coming from? I continued to say the mantra over and over that I would pass. I intended to pass. Yessiree.

On the way to the mechanic, a weird thought popped in my brain. A new love would be coming into my life. He would be rich (which is weird because that is not so important to me - in fact it sometimes causes more problems for me). But my problems aside, this guy would be rich.
And he would say that he would want me to travel with him.
I would tell him that he would need to pay me my salary if I was going to take off with him, lest he ditch me somewhere in Bolivia two weeks into the trip and I am jobless with no money to get back home.
"No problem", new rich man would say.
And off I would go, laughing at how I once had to scrounge for pennies, or a day off from boyboss and girlboss.
I would be one of those women who travels with her man and has money because of her man.
Which by the way, has never felt comfortable for me.
But...for some reason, on this particular day with this particular thought, it was a nice idea. One that I could accept.

At the mechanic, I read about intention.
I say my mantra.
And I am informed that I don't pass the smog check.
I will have to bring the car back tomorrow to the place to have a tune-up (one I have needed but had been putting off due to lack of finances).
I breathe.
My intention isn't working.
Can't be helped at this point.
I can only put good energy into bad and hope it turns around.
Then I get to work and read my horoscope:

"Someone with tons of resources and free time on their hands is en route, ready to make a grand entrance into your world. Got a passport? Good. How about a suitcase or two? "

Maybe my bigger intention is to travel with the mystery man on his dime. Maybe, I am about to embark on a new journey completely different from any I have known. Maybe the car problem is just a distraction to make the gods giggle (you know like a joke on me for their entertainment - which hey, if their intent is for me to travel in style, I don't mind being the gods' joke butt).
Maybe I am about to jumpstart my life from slump to fabulous.

I will keep you posted.

Do You Realize

As I was listening to Indie 103.1 yesterday on the way home from work, I noticed they were playing a slew of Ramones songs.
I wondered why and for a blip, thought maybe another one had died. And then I remembered that Johnny had hosted some event on Sunday and I thought maybe that was why. Then came the news that Johnny had indeed passed away from cancer.

I met him once in person. I was working for Big Name Director (BND) and BND's dad had died. At the memorial for BND's dad, Johnny and his wife were there talking to my co-workers and me. Johnny looked as he always did: in a black t-shirt, jeans and his hair with bangs in his eyes. He talked with a thick east coast accent about how his wife was always taking in stray animals. He was pretty decent to us. Although I had heard from many in the industry that he was a tough cookie to be around. He was a conservative amidst liberals. He didn't always choose the popular route to take. He lived life on his terms.
But he was part of a band that influenced music.
He is the third from the Ramones to pass on.

I remember watching "Rock and Roll High School" and dancing around the living room with a mop on my head trying to look like them when I was 10 or 11. With spastic, jumping movements, it was so much fun to sing and dance to their music. The beat, the guitars, the easy lyrics. I am not a huge Ramones fan, but I always enjoy their music when I hear it and I can appreciate their place in music history.

I feel for his wife. I feel for his fans.
I was talking to Mads about how as we get older, we will see more and more people that we have come to know as idols, pass away. But that brings the point home that everyone, no matter what you do or who you are in this life...the one thing you know is that if you came here...you will leave here. Once you are born...you will die. Fact.
I guess the point is to make it a good journey. A fruitful journey and try and enjoy the ride.

The lyrics of that Flaming Lips song, "Do you realize" come to mind. Here they are:

Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh

RIP Johnny.

Balancing Act

Mads and I were up late just chewing the fat. She finally looked at her watch and realized that it was almost 2am! Yikes. That used to be a time I would regularly come home, but now that I have been trying to sleep more, it feels like a huge drag on me this morning. My hair has that look like either I am sexy or homeless. It looks more like homeless when you see the bags under my eyes.

The film was really pretty, but it felt long and I felt like a daddy long legs in my seat. Thank god that Mads was sitting in a way that I had more room. I started to fall asleep because every shot was surfing and even though it was beautiful to watch and even though it took 4 years to make and the boys in the film are adorable and blah blah blah, it still got a bit redundant and I nodded off. Mads hit my elbow once and said, "Are you sleeping?"
"Not anymore"
"I can't believe you are sleeping. You are funny".
At one point after being awakened by a loud "Alright, Cool!" from the audience during a scene of a large wave and a righteous surfer taking it on, I shook myself back to life and leaned over to Mads and said, "I am ready to go when you are"
She looked at me, like, "what?".
She said, "Well, I think it is almost over"
And lo and behold, a second later it was.
The best part of the evening was listening to Mojave 3's Neil Halstead, sing solo at the beginning of the night. And at the Egyptian no less. I love living here.

I am back to taping too many tv shows. I am a writer damnit, and if I am always catching up and watching tv that I have taped, I will lose sleep, writing time, and that newly achieved calm I have worked so hard for.

So, I will make a concerted effort to get back on my workout, sleep, write, meditate, eat-well routine. I must. It brings a balance to me that is essential.

This Friday is Micah's show at the Globe. Go if you can. He is a true star and later, when he is a famous drag queen a la RuPaul, you will wish you had. Life is too short for regrets, so go see him sing his way into your heart. "High Hopes in Low Heels" opens this week at the Globe theater in WeHo.

Tonight, is dance class.
All I want to do is sleep but I must make it to the gym.
Must must must.

Well, first I must make it through this day without snoozing off. Wish me luck.

And now a word from our sponser...

I always wanted to be in entertainment (acting, writing, singing, dancing)
But if I hadn't gone into that, I would have gone into advertising. Some of the best ad campaigns can really make me wish I had.
Like the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" radio ads. Love them.
I also have always thought that the Pillsbury doughboy was so adorable. My mom thinks it is creepy that I do. She said he seems like an asexual freak who never grew up and preys on kids. "Mom, he is not Michael Jackson" I would say.
"That is not funny. I don't like it when you talk like that".
I am not sure I am clear what part of that offended her.
It is not like she is a Jacko fan.
But I digress.
The Pillsbury doughboy. Maybe it is his voice. Or his eyes. I just smile.
There is a new ad on the GOT MILK campaign that makes me laugh out loud.
A family in Russia is very sad, poor, hungry, etc. And then the Pillsbury doughboy brings some cookies (you know like the cookie log kind). Everyone is ecstatic. They are hugging and dancing. And then...da da dummmmmm
No Milk.
Everyone freezes with the cookies in their mouth. And the doughboy, well his expression makes me laugh out loud every time. His mouth is agape and he doesn't know what to do.

Then I saw an ad last night that I really can't stand. It is animated with a bear using too much toilet paper and the mama bear singing that with this new toilet paper, you don't have to use as much.
But when my sister was visiting from Germany, I said, "I hate this ad. It is so stupid".
My sister after watching it a little bit, said, "But it is true.. You shouldn't use so much toilet paper if the paper is absorbent."
We laughed that we even had to dissect the said stupid ad. Now when I see it, I think of my sister and I laugh which makes me mad in a way because I still really hate it. Turn the channel, you may be saying.
Then I wouldn't have my material of ads I dislike. Roll with it.

Oh and girlboss (yes, vile girlboss) is in labor. Glad she called boyboss and not me. I didn't have to go through her step by step of the pain and what type of epideral (sp?). Yahoo.

Summer old, Some are not

It is so strange to me that in my youth, the summers were like a lifetime of playing in the pool, travel, movies, camping, and fun. But as an adult, time passes so differently.
Summer is gone (you wouldn't know it by the heat) and this would be the time in my past, that I would be returning to LA from summer vacation in Fresno to go back to school.

I just can't believe how it is already September. I remember New Year's Eve with such a clarity, you would swear it was last week.

I was watching a special on the Olympics and how the new all around female gymnast is the first American to win since Mary Lou Retton...20 YEARS AGO!!!!????!!!!
Can that be right? Can time have passed that quickly?

I have several friends who are turning 30 this year and it freaks them out. I welcomed 30.
But then again, I have never really been too afraid of getting old. My lifestyle is very similar to how I was when I was in my twenties. I don't plan to have children so my clock isn't ticking away like my friends' clocks are. I live my life and go after things that I want with no regard to age. I do get in a rut occasionally, but that has nothing to do with age. That has more to do with my tunnel vision when I am comfortable. I must watch that. Always. At any age.

So today, with the sun and the heat...it is summer.
Maybe not summer vacation where I run around with an Orange Crush mustache, playing Marco Polo and eating watermelon with sticky fingers. But summer in the sense that for my lunch hour, I am going to soak in the calm that comes over you when time makes no difference and your age is only a number.

Peri the Wonder Car

As I drove up to the rental car place to return my car (who would have thought I would have fallen in love with a chevy Malibu?) I had a tear in my eye as I cleaned it out. Oh, rental car, what a joy you have been this horrendously hot week. What times we have had. The air, the music, the smooth smooth ride.

They had to pry the keys out of my hand.
"M'am, can we have them back?"
"What?" me wiping a tear
"The keys? M'am, please don't make this difficult. Just hand over the keys and everything will be fine."
"Oh, right. The keys, or as I like to call them, 'my taste of feeling groovy'. Here you go".

And as soon as it was clear that I was Cinderella after the ball; as soon as I was returning my coach in for the pumpkin...suddenly, I felt myself become calm. I was fine. The ride was over and now it was time to face the reality and face it with grace. I embraced my reunion with my car.
I hopped in the shuttle to meet my little blue hooptie mobile sans any extras.
"Driver, take me to the collision place to see my baby" I directed.
As I pulled up to the garage, there she was. Peri (short for Perwinkle). My little blue car. The first car I ever owned. There she was. They had washed her and fixed her door. They even repainted other areas of her (but since she is a shy girl, I didn't pry).
I beamed with pride. She shined in the LA morning light.
I took care of the paperwork and met with Josh who had worked his magic on her.

I was happy.
I got inside and noticed they had vacuumed as well.
The radio statio was where I had left it.
The air outside was still cool. The station was playing great music. Who needs an a/c and a cd player when you have a morning like this?
I drove the long way into work with the muscle memory of working a manual transmition and a steering wheel without power. I smiled as I passed faster cars, slower cars, newer cars, older cars. I may get a new car next year with all the accoutrements that brought me to the point of elation but right now I am content to drive my car that brought me to LA.
My little Peri.
She may not have all the fancy schmancy things that make life bearable.
But she works, she tries hard, she has taken lumps and continues on with spunk and...she is mine.

Hot Child In The City

Oh what a great weekend.
I woke up late both Sat and Sun!
I went to brunch with Liz yesterday at Highland Grounds which has delicious food.
We then went to coffee at the Alcove in Los Feliz which was like Urth Cafe sort of for the east side. It was a nice relaxing time but it was definitely hot. Liz made a face of exaspiration as she got into her car and tried to roll the windows down for air.
Then I met C at the Farmer's Market for cheese (yummy) and wine.
After dinner, we waltzed over amidst the summer crowds at the Grove and to Barnes and Noble.
While browsing the book selections of past friends of mine who have made it big and consequently left behind the people who helped them on the way up, I noticed a familiar smell. There was a wafting of that vanilla cookie scent that you only get in a book store with a coffee bar or a mall. I love that smell. It is the smell of a simpler time for me when my only responsibilites were homework and chores. The rest of the time was play play play. It brought me immediately back to my childhood when my mom would take us to the Fox Hills Mall. It is a much different mall now of course but back in the 70's, it was new. Brand spanking new and the name on the side of the building was (still is) that cool round lettering that pepsi and abc still use that signified the seventies.
C and I parted for the evening. She was tired from shopping and the wine and was in a wind down mode. We had a great time though. She is really a great person and I am glad that I met her in that stand up/story telling class.

It was a perfect LA day. I was home by 9:30 which normally on a Sat is when things get going but I was happy to relax in my pad. I watched Kill Bill vol 2 which I loved.

Now it Sunday night. After many phone tag attempts, Carrie and I met Claire at her place for brunch. I brought mozzerella, basil and tomatoes and bread that we would drizzle with olive oil. A Caprese salad to the best of my memory. We had mimosas (natch) and some other goodies and spent this hot hot hot hot hot hot day out in her patio with some of her neighbors. One of her neighbors, M, is a handsome 40-something man who is a screenwriter. He gave Carrie and me a tour of his place. I was in awe. He had redone it with his own carpentry skills so that it felt much bigger than it actually was. It felt like a place you see on a design show. It also retained the feeling of old Hollywood. There was also a sense of literature all around. He was able to blend the modern and the vintage together wonderfully. I could have stayed in there forever just enjoying the vibe (and that is not because he had an a/c...okay well it wouldn't have hurt). The other neighbor, L was helping Claire plant her new garden in the patio. It was a lovely lovely day. Just sitting and talking about politics and movies and relationships and travel with good food.

And now it is evening and it is still sweltering. I bet it it like 95 degrees.
Ugh.
My cat looks at me with woeful eyes pleading at me for an end to this torture. All my fans are running and I can barely hear the radio show that they play on Indie 103.1. They play the best music but I like it even better when I can hear it. But I am not damning the fans. They are the only things keeping me from fainting.

Ghost sent an email but I have not responded. It wasn't really personal so it doesn't hit me that hard.

Ugh. Still hot. Did I mention it is hot?
I am going to try and watch the DVD about Wilco called, "I am trying to break your heart".
Oy. Well. My brain is melting. I better go ice it so I can enjoy the film.

Laugh Track in My Car

I live near a freeway. I say near a freeway because in essence, the freeway is 'near' to me.
But getting to that freeway can take a long time. I am nestled in a little community that is near to a lot of things but is at the mercy of traffic and not many good alternative routes. So when there is traffic, I am usually trapped.

This morning, I had it planned that I would make it to work in time for breakfast. I would make it to my desk at 9:00 on the dot.
This was plan.
My plan was foiled first by my long walk (I had forgotten) to my car because I had parked blocks away for street sweeping. Okay, no problem. I am still good on time, I am thinking.
Now, I can't turn left onto the side street because a huge moving truck who is turning right has deemed it a one way street and there is no room for me.
*Sigh*

Finally in the secret passageway neighborhood, I get stuck behind a very slow driver who is not as aggressive as I am.
He waits for the lady to pull out of her driveway at -10miles an hour. He waits for the street sweeper to drive the length of the block. He waits for the people to cross the street who haven't even made it the halfway down the block to the crosswalk.
I start to feel my temperature rise. I would pass him if I could. But I can't. Finally, he is in the free and clear and we are both headed to the light that is coming up on turning green.
And like a sitcom where every block has a hilarious hi-jinx, a big garbage truck backs up in front of him (and essentially me since I am still behind him). I start laughing. Clearly, I was not meant to get to work in the planned way I had scheduled.
I decide to treat this as a sitcom and just ride the wave of obstacles that come at me and laugh with my private laugh track at it all.
Do you know what happened when I did that? It all cleared away.
I got to work in time for the oatmeal. I sat at my desk a little past 9:00 (ahem, okay moving on) and I didn't have that aggro white knuckle look to my body I was about to have on the drive in.

Nope, I had that "It's a Friday before a 3 day weekend" calm look and that "Ha, Life is a hoot" attitude.
My co-workers and I laughed in the copy room and I sipped my latte like I was on vacation.

If that laugh track in my mind holds up, this might be one of the best days I have had at work in awhile.

Hot But Hurricane Free

It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Ah, just kidding, it's the heat. There is no humidity. It is dry dry dry.
I don't mind a dry heat as much. That is always preferable I think. You hear from people, ..."But it is a dry heat..." like heat has a hierarchy and DRY is at the top.

Ah today. What to say other than it is not yesterday. Today is so...I dunno...

But at least we are hurricane free.

My friends double T moved to Florida right as Hurricane Charley hit. Now they are bracing for Frances.

I called her yesterday and said, "Earthquakes didn't do it for you? You had to move during the friggin hurricane season?"

Despite her upset stomach from nerves, T was hysterical per usual in recounting how the nearest Starbucks is a town away and that her husband during Charley wanted to see the hurricane (the eye of the storm went over their town) so he made up excuses that he had to check the garage and kept running outside.
Since the hurricane, she has gotten to know her neighbors (they have only been in their new home 4 weeks). She has become a haven for 2 teenage girls who took refuge at her house one day during a storm. Now they have started popping in under the auspice of playing with T's 2 year old son. What T soon realized is that 2 cute teenage boyz live next door and the girls still came over to "play" with T's son even though he was asleep.
"I feel so used" T emailed me. "They were just using our house as a spy pad"
Ah...Florida drama.

My lips are chappy and my hair is in a frizz. I am wearing loose clothing for the heat but look like I am twice my size.

I already snapped at boyboss which I am trying to refrain from doing.
"Just because the Jackass brays, doesn't mean you have to answer him" is a saying that applies here.
I don't want to be so reactionary. Not that I was in the wrong. I just come off looking very premenstrual rather than right.

I spoke to Maddy yesterday and she turned me on to a funny website:
http://www.angryalien.com/amys_diary.html

Cracked my shite up. Made me wish I had done that with my diary.

I had 3 unfinished diaries. All of them started with the words..."Starting today, I will write EVERYTHING that happens to me from this point on..."

What a liar I was.

Until Now.

Nights Like That

It is September and it is a new month for a new start on a new site.
I have been losing brain cells and confidence in trying to archive my past posts from my other blog.
Ugh.
Oh well. Fresh start. New beginnings and all that.
Maybe I will just post a link to my old site.

So with girlboss gone on maternity leave and the workload finally just plateau-ing, I am in a very nice place.
I have been relaxing more in my personal life and I have to say that it is really hindering my whole "keeping it together" multi-tasking that I do so well in my job.
I am a total space cadet now. I stare at contracts and wonder what I am supposed to do with them.

I am also having strange little moments of the past coming back.
The Ghost, thank god has not returned in my life as of yet. He will. He is friends of friends and he will be around. But hopefully by that point, I will not care as much and be able to throw my shoulders back, smile confidently and say, "Hey ya" and mean it.

Last night at the gym, I saw a guy that I met over a year ago.
Let me back up.
I was at dinner with Mads and Mickie (who was in town for a convention).
We went to Sunset Plaza which was just a quick walk from Mickie's hotel.
Sunset Plaza is a very chi chi collection of stores and restaurants and you can always spot stars there. Since Mickie loves that shit, she booked herself a room at a hotel on the Sunset Strip near there.

Mads, Mickie and I were sitting outside enjoying our dinners. Mickie had a boyfriend but had somehow gotten into long distance phone relationships with boyz from all over the country. That is how she was when I met her. She couldn't turn away from any male attention and it was truly annoying.
So her cell phone kept going off and she would take off for like a half an hour.
During one of her leaves of absence, a 20something guy wanders up to our table.
His friendly, conversational nature and stylish but retro attire led us to one of two conclusions. .
He was either a stylish LA kind of guy who was cute,
or he was a delusional homeless guy who would soon be asking us for money.
He was a big flirt and was really funny.
He was the stylish LA guy we found out.
He was there for a birthday party which had already disbanded so he decided to join our table.
His name was Wayne.
He was so comedic in his style and he was a little like a wild card in terms of social behavior. I asked if he was a comic. He said no. He said he was the first famous black scuba diver ever.
I looked him square in the eye after one of his comical banters and said,
"Why you being so squirrelly about telling us what you do? Of course you are a comic or a comedy writer."
Looking me back square in the eye, he said,"You look pretty."
I softened a bit.

He finally admitted to us that he was an actor and a stand up comic.
He was married and had a kid. His wife was out of town and he wanted us to join him in some sex.
Mickie came back to the table. She immediately didn't like him because she didn't immediately win him over. Besides, he was lavishing his attention on Mads and me and that perturbed her.
He christened us with his own idea of what our names were.

He gave us a ride back to Mickie's hotel.
Mads and I were going to meet him at the next leg of his friend's birthday party in West Hollywood (the predominently gay area).
But when we got there, he was not there and neither was a sign of any party.
Just some lonely old man in front who told us how some drag queens had drugged him at this bar once and how they stole his money.
He had awakened in the hospital. Now he had a boyfriend who was at home with their dog "Lola".
Mads and I soon left since the conversation turned sad and depressing and since we saw no sign of Wayne.
We never saw him again.
Until that fast food chain commercial he was in.
And then...until last night.
He was at my gym.
We locked eyes in the cardio machine room.
Then we moved on in different directions.
Some people make an impression on me that will never leave.
It is embarrassing how much I remember from that night.
I don't know if he remebers me. Probably doesn't.
But as I was hitting the 3 mile mark on the treadmill, I thought about that night at Sunset Plaza and how that night that was like a roller coaster ride. And I smiled. I love nights like that.