When Al Franken used to play Stu Smalley on SNL, my family cracked up.
My dad even went to a friend's retreat where they urged you to say positive things about yourself. he went first and in perfect imitation said to his image into a mirror in front of the group, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it...people like me".
Everyone clapped. They had no idea he was being funny.
It's easy to make fun of that whole mantra.
It's hard to actually do it.
And not laugh.
And it's hard to actually do it AND believe that it will work.
But recently, I have decided to do something akin to it.
Out loud, in the shower, in the car, at work (yes out loud at work - well, more of a whisper) I have been saying, "I am a fun magnet. I am a love magnet. I am a money magnet. I am a success magnet,"etc.
What I have become is a magnet to be made fun of.
But I don't care.
Things are going well.
I find prime parking spaces, I am being given gift certificates for massages, Starbucks gives me extra coffees for free, I am being praised at work by those who usually just nod in place of saying hello.
The last week of July was one of the best weeks. But the truth is, it hasn't stopped.
This week, one guy I am casually dating has been saying and doing things that make me take him a little more seriously. I am a magnet for love.
I also went to see my neighbor Lisa, do her story at Pinata in a great show. I ran into Taylor Negron (if you don't know his name, you surely know his work...trust me) and we chatted for awhile like we were old friends, or at least sort of friends who talk about life and fame and cheesecake. I am a magnet for success.
The show was great. Solid stories. My cheeks hurt from laughing and my hands were fast to grab up the candy they threw at the end of the show. I am a magnet for yummy chocolate AND staying slim.
I knew several people there and I was like, "Oh hey there you!" and "Oh my god, it's you!" all over the place. I felt so popular which inevitably led me to feel pretty.
And when you feel pretty, there ain't nothing you can't do. I am a magnet for social engagements.
I joined Lisa's friends at Canters and her friend Daniel was a riot. We both have had our hair cut by the Hair Cowboy. He even made a Youtube video about it. He is an architectural historian but his knowledge of pop culture fit right in at the table. J. Keith Van Straaten (who also performed and whose game show I was once on) joined our table with his friends.
I am a magnet for knowing the famous.
It was the kind of night where Lisa's friends co-mingled with his friends and we debated whether Richard Dawson is still alive (he is) and how gay Huell Howser is (very gay) and
why some of us hate or love dressing up for Halloween.
I am a magnet for stimulating conversations.
Today, Lisa and I went to Wacko for a book signing of a friend of a friend of hers. Our brief stint allowed us a meet and greet with the author, some conversation about the art on the walls, pushing Homer Simpson dolls to hear him say "D'oh" and Lisa grabbing grapes to eat in the car. We then headed to the Daily Planet with the intent to grab a bite at Birds. On the way there, we noticed all these people dressed in black, wearing masks, carrying signs opposing Scientology. I knew we would be heading right where they were heading...the Celebrity Scientology Centre. Apparently there was some fund raiser bash going on and all these people were protesting. It was kind of surreal. We looked at magazines at the Daily Planet and after awhile, decided to forgo food and just head home.
While standing outside the Bourgeois Pig, looking at the protesters (and making sure I was close enough to see the action but far enough away from them, should Tom Cruise decide to start shooting at them from some far off window), a guy walked next to me and smiled. I smiled back. He looked familiar. Turns out, we went out earlier this spring. It had been a good date. We had gotten along. No sparks really. But fun. It was the kind of date where if he had shown more interest, I could have been more interested. But he didn't, so I wasn't and there you have it.
But standing there, we laughed and he had the same look in his eyes that made me think he would call after our date. But he never did. I realized that just might be the way his eyes look all the time.
After laughing at the spectacle of the protest, we parted ways agreeing to maybe see each other again to hang out. I am left with the same ambivalence I was left with on our date.
If he does, great. If not, oh well.
I am a magnet for serenity.
I applied for one job a week and a half ago. It was a long shot but it is the same job I do now but for 20 grand more. How could I not apply. Last week, I got a call that they want to meet with me. My interview is Monday.
I am a magnet for $$$$.
I am the new Stu Smalley.
If you can't find me, I will be the one with the prime parking spot talking out loud to myself.
So yeah, I would say this sh*t works.
I am a magnet to be good enough.
I am a magnet to be smart enough.
And doggone it, I am a magnet for world domination.
Cuz when you feel pretty, there ain't nothing you can't do.