December 28, 2008

Into the Woods

I was just waking from a nap after having had a morning of sleeping in and was still a little out of it when I got the text from Reb asking what I was up to.

I rallied my butt to get ready because I knew that a night out with Reb was going to be fun and not without excitement and I wanted to look good.

We ended up at the Woods.

Perfect for what we wanted which was a quiet place to get a drink, exchange gifts and catch up on our lives.

It was perfect.
the table next to us decided to fold us into their reality.

I have always longed to know what men really think.

I have changed my mind about that.

They were hitting on Reb and then me and then Reb and then me.
And by hitting on, I mean, they tried the whole "everyone thinks I am a player, but all I really want is a serious relationship" routine.
Or the whole bravado of trying to lick and kiss our necks and faces.
Or the whole sit back and wait until your friends are such assholes, you look like the best one in the bunch even if you admit to loving and listening religiously to Power, KISSfm and KROQ. (really? All 3? religiously? I am not superficial about looks but *shiver* I am kind of shallow about tastes. At least one station could have been KCRW or something - I am just sayin').

Happy Hour made it easy to play daddy warbucks but one fellow in their group, Thom, decided he *wouldn't* buy Reb a drink because she probably always gets drinks bought. He would stand out by *not* buying her a drink.
I told him that it wasn't atypical. He was quite typical.
That threw him.
I asked him why he felt so restrictive about compliments.
He said that that is how he stands out.
He stood out alright as the guy wandering the bar trying to hit on other guys' girls as he got progressively wasted.
The "nice" guy at the table (the KISSfm listener) and I were actually having a nice conversation. Reb let him try the pumpkin bread loaf I had made her and he was much nicer to me after that. He asked me to recite the recipe so that he could ascertain if I was able to make more complicated food dishes. I think he was sizing me up for domesticity.

Reb and I would stand guard at the table while one of us either smoked or went to the restroom.
At one point, when she was outside, I was holding down the fort.
I felt like a gazelle in the lion's den. I actually said that out loud.
It would have been more clever if I had said something about being surrounded in the Woods by wolves or something but I wasn't thinking clearly as I actively sipped water to regain some hydration from the happy hour drinks.

I was able to fend them off with my rapier wit and quick hands but the routine was wearing thin. For them too. Noticing they wouldn't score with either of us, they started trying to find out among them who had "picked this crappy place where there was no action".

"I am still sitting here" I squealed.
"Yeah, but you won't go home with us."
"True but you did have a nice conversation with 2 brilliant attractive women."

That wasn't really a good enough reason to call it a good night for them.

When the last guy in their group finished his drink, we said our huggy good-byes.
I was told I smelled nice by the nice guy. They left as loudly as they had come in.
But with fewer hopes about how the night would play out.
Only one in their group was with a woman and it was a gal who thought he had money.
They were laughing about how she would react when she found out he didn't.
Apparently, that poor guy always spends a lot of money on the wrong women and voila, only proves the point of Thom who would never buy a woman a drink, let alone take her out on a date.

Reb and I left shortly after last call and laughed all the way to the car about some of the shit we both had heard from these guys.
"What wankers" she kept repeating.
"True true", I said.

We were now out of the woods of the bar scene.
Were we shocked at some of the crudeness? yes
Were we appalled at some of the ways they thought they could swap us back and forth as currency? Absolutely.

But as I dropped her off in front of her apartment, we swore we would do this again soon.

I guess we are suckers for the adventure of a good story.

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