Just watched the movie "Dig?".
I love films about bands (real or otherwise) on the road and how they sometimes fall apart.
I guess it is voyeuristic.
I once asked my friend Sarge to write about his adventures while on tour in Europe. He was going to have to bring a cassette since I think he got sick writing in the car. I don't remember. I might have just made that up.
I don't know if he ever did write about it though.
But I love the film DIG.
I especially love Joel Gion.
Anyone that can be that loveable while tambourining AND say the funniest quips on camera has my heart.
Joel *sigh*
You so ROCK!
Sat night, went to the worst LA party evuh!
Mads, Carrie and I went to a birthday party for some people Carrie and I used to know.
There were so many wimpsters my head almost exploded.
We all tried starting conversations. it was almost like the men were retarded and would die if they talked to a woman or made eye contact.
It was surreal.
Then as we were making our way out, Carrie said good bye to her yucky admirer (why? who knows) but ended up talking to his friend that she thought was cute.
Mads and I were waiting by the bar and over heard this conversation by the 5 men that surrounded us and watched us as they were talking to each other.
"Dude, I think Melanie is on her way"
"Yeah, who is she bringing?"
"Oh, you know, the usual, like I think 3 other girls. Corby and Sarah for sure"
"Corby is so ugly. But I would fuck her if I am as drunk as I am now"
"Oh yeah, I have fucked her when I was drunk. She is ugly, but amazing with her toungue"
"Yeah, really, her tongue? Maybe I should get with her tonight. I could keep drinking"
I look at Mads and she looks at me and says, "I think I am in Hell" and dips her head down.
I look at Carrie and say to Mads, "okay, we leave without her. I am going to tell her to meet up with us"
So we do.
And as we leave, we hear Carrie pulling up the rear.
On the way out, Mads kicks a cactus balloon (like Ninja style kicks) and grabs a little bull pinata.
The debate over whether it is a llama or a bull is won by Mads: "Hey I am peruvian, I know from Llama. This is a frigging bull, OKAY"
We deemed it the magic bull and dared anyone we came into contact with to rub its belly and make a wish.
This included our travels to the Frolic room, the Well, Daddy's and eventually the 101.
A filmmaker named Joe (I think) tried to sit down at our booth, but Carrie who barely acknowledged him wouldn't scoot over. She doesn't really recall him even talking to her since she was in a food coma. He just sold his movie, "Gas Station Jesus". he was from Virgina and very nice.
The waitress rubbed Magic Bull. The table across from us was filled with porn stars I think. The leader of the table was trying to get Mads to show him her panties. She was like, "What is he saying? I can't understand what he is saying?"
I said, He wants to see your panties.
She said, "Well so far he sat down and said big tits about the woman he is with, then he said COCK with a "C", and then he started saying BLUE, BLACK, RED...I just had no idea what he is talking about"
I said, "I think he has turettes."
We watched them as you would animals in a zoo. One of the guys had his arm around his buddy and the girl next to him was leaning so hard into him that it was pathetic to see this hot woman dissed by what looked like a homeless man with bi-sexual tendencies and absolutely no interest in her except for maybe a blow job that she would probably give him later on.
Oy.
As we left the 101, Mads grabbed Magic Bull and I think you could hear our laughter from recalling the absolutely deadzone night we had ringing against the buildings where people were probably trying to sleep.
I want more from life. And then when the growing pains start kicking in to make the changes, I get frustrated. Scared of the removal of comfort.
Lately, I have been trying to embrace all the changes. Life is good.
And I am really trying to enjoy every aspect. I am not fighting things anymore.
I am not trying to make them fit where they don't.
And I have to say that life is a bit more peaceful.
It is also strange to shed old labels for yourself.
This year, I have lost weight, bought a laptop, bought a car with A/C, finished a draft of my one woman show, performed some comedy, and gotten over some old flames.
I am stepping into who I am now and sometimes I have to pinch myself that it is real. Then I have to pinch myself not to be so shocked, since this is what I asked for and it can be a permanent state of mind to have this kind of life.
I am liking the changes.
I fell asleep early after a good work out. Was going to see my friend Sarah Stanly perform at Taix last night but I just conked out.
I thought at least this good amount of sleep would keep me refreshed for what is becoming a busy week.
But I had several nightmares.
About assinations and hostage situations that I was the hostage in.
At one point, the hostage takers, blew a round of bullets into my belly. I didn't feel a thing.
They told me that I wouldn't until the year 2006 when the bullets would melt my insides. Oh, and no xray would be able to find the bullets before that.
I was a little worried, you know...cuz wondering when your insides are going to melt is a bit worrisome.
The nightmare continued in various forms as I would wake up, walk around the apartment, go back to sleep only to be awakened by another horrible REM spectacle.
And my cat, who never jumps on anything is suddenly drawn to the stagazer lillies I bought on Friday. And she is getting near eating them. The higher I place them, the higher she jumps. And she is fat and not really a jumper.
I was worried she would knock the vase over. Now, I just read that stargazers are poison for cats. Now, I am worried that she will be blind when I get home.
You would think these two things would have caused me to be in a bad mood.
But I am not.
Other than feeling tired and a bit hoping my cat has decided not to eat the lillies, I am feeling pretty good.
Could use a good night's sleep tonight.
Maybe I will take a bath before bed with a luscious LUSH bath bomb.
And maybe drink a lot of wine.
And eat a lot of cheese.
Or maybe that is what gave me the bad dreams in the first place.
When I was a kid, say 9 years old or so, I became obsessed with stick shifts and their handles.
I am sure there is something Freudian there.
I would peer into every car and marvel at the different cool looks that various stick shifts had.
My friend Leash's mom had a Chevy Nova.
That had the coolest stick shift.
I loved those things until it came time to learn to drive.
My mom insisted that I learn to drive a stick shift because what if I didn't know how and I was driving with someone whose car was a manual and all of a sudden the driver of the car couldn't drive? What if?
I would be useless to getting us out of the situation.
So she thought.
So she made me learn to drive a stick.
And it scared me whenever someone would drive up really close behind me on a hill. I was never sure I would get it into gear quick enough.
Well, rest assured, I never ran into anyone. And I learned to handle a manual amazingly. Almost with race car driver obsession.
This weekend, I turned in my stick shift.
My beautiful little car Peri. With no A/C.
Mads was my amazing negotiator when it came down to the wire.
The deal was good. Not great but good and I walked away happy.
I drove away happier.
In the heat of Valencia at 3:30pm, the temp was akin to that of the sun.
I am sure.
A pool of fire was around us.
So it was a good thing I wasn't driving away in Peri.
But I did drive away with my new 2004, A/C loaded AUTOMATIC ride.
So, if anyone ever drives with me and something happens to me, they won't be rendered useless if they can't drive a stick.
Although, I still love the look of the stick shift.
I think that truly may be more Freudian that I would like to admit.
With this heat, I am feeling like a luau pig on a spit.
Yes, it must be the heat.
It can't possibly be the fantastic chocolate covered toffee my new office mate brought in that I would subtly take while she was at the printer even though she had offered them to me already.
And it can't possibly all the bread and butter I ate at the Chateau this week.
Or the 1 and a half margaritas I had along with a king's ramson of tortilla chips dipped in guacamole I had at El Coyote with Mads and Jazzy last night.
Nope.
It can't be any of that.
I took most of my tostada home in a doggie bag.
Which a homeless man asked me for.
Which I gave him.
But I didn't have a fork.
And he was perturbed.
But I did have a plastic knife.
Which I gave him.
And then I felt bad that I didn't have a fork.
And Mads looked at me and was like, "Who carries around a plastic fork with them? He will be fine. He asked for food and you gave him some."
And she was right.
He ate away.
With the knife I imagine.
And giving away the food helped me not feel so bloated from the heat.
Until today.
Yes, yes, it must be the heat.
At least I hope it is.
Mother fucking heat.
The class last night was very inspiring to get me back to classes. Keep my skills honed, you know.
One of the VO people that the agent brought was someone I took a class with.
She gave me her card. She was really cool. And talented.
Keeping in line with weird things that seem to only happen to me, during the break, I was seated in a movie theater style chair. I stood up to listen to the voice artists talk to the small group that was congregating near them.
I stood up. The waist band of my skirt somehow got caught on the chair when I stood up and pulled my skirt down. I slowly tried to sit back down to fix it and as I sat down, the chair had folded back up and I ended up falling on the ground with my skirt coming up and still being attached at the waist to the chair being pulled down.
It was embarrassing.
It I somehow got back in my seat after I assessed whether I performed the entire thing with grace (I decided that was undetermined).
Only the quiet people who were seated behind me saw the whole thing.
Oy.
Then I raced to the BAR to see the cd release party for Marjorie Faire.
The bouncer didn't have a list he was checking.
Apparently, the party ended right before I had arrived.
I wanted the doorman to be sure that had he had a list, I would have been on it.
He laughed.
The bar opened up to regular people (yours truly included) and I wandered in and found Frenchiegal and Greeky.
Elijah Wood was the dj there.
How strange this city of Angels.
The possiblities are endless as to what kind of night you will have...expected or not.
Frenchiegal and I chatted like 2 hens catching up on all the things we had missed in each other's lives.
It was fun. And kind of an early night.
Which was good.
Cuz I needed sleep.
And I got it.
And I had weird dreams about Frodo being the wizard of oz.
Went to the Chateau Marmont last night with Mads, Claire and Carrie.
It was divine.
It is Claire's birthday soon.
So we drank.
And ate.
And were seated as far away from anyone as they could possibly send us.
Not by our choice.
So we became enthralled with our own conversation.
About travel.
Which we all want to do now.
First class.
Ha. A girl can dream.
Except that I have a vo class tonight on how to land an agent.
L at work helped me get my reel ready.
To hand in just in case the agent/teacher hears gold in these pipes.
Which I am sure he will.
Ha. A girl can dream.
I just sent pics of the MOCA party to everyone who was there.
Mads told me that my title: Ma Vida Loca
should have been Mi Vida Loca.
I asked her how you say it in Italian.
She didn't know.
"Then MA VIDA LOCA" is italian until I am proven wrong.
Ha. A girl can dream she knows what she is talking about.
After class I am zipping from the westside to the eastside to the cd release party for Marjorie Faire - Capitol's new darling.
I can't wait.
I got my day time to school time to evening time garb in the car.
I am such a busy girl.
This job thing gets in the way of all my plans.
But that is cool.
It allows me to pay for the classes and my highlights.
And the travel that we talked about last night.
But I just gave a $1 to the group lottery ticket collection that people just collected.
I am going to be rich rich rich.
HA. A girl can sooooo dream and it is only funny until it happens.
Then - it will be amazing.
Do you ever have one of those feelings like you had BIG plans but you can't remember what they are so you make alternate plans?
Or maybe because you are always so busy, the fact that you don't have plans makes you think you had alternate plans?
That is how I felt.
I hope I haven't pissed anyone off by forgetting something huge.
But my alternate plans that emerged ended up being soooo much fun that I am sure whoever I pissed off will understand.
Last night we (Mads, Jazzy and Gamby) went to the MOCA Basquiat party for Moca members. There were a ton of people there. To get in, the line was like an hour long. We saw Rachel Dratch and some other guy from SNL. I saw Heather Graham there too.
it was so much fun. The night smelled like a highschool football game: Night air, dirty bodies and clothing with a scent of laundry detergent or perfume lingering around there...and oh yes, some alcohol.
Once we got inside, we got our drink tickets and started to get a nice buzz going.
The place was crazy crowded...we heard 6000 were supposed to attend. DOn't know if that many were there, but with Grand Master Flash dj'ing, the place went wild dancing and you would swear that it was a nice cozy 6000 of your closest friends.
I noticed a guy rolling a joint. He was having the hardest time with everyone bumping him. Once he was passing it to his friends, he somehow passed it to me. My main concern was to not drop it since I saw how much time it took it to roll it.
I am not a pot smoker. But being a bit lit, I took it and inhaled it but since I don't really know how to inhale, I don't think I felt much of it. It was my 5th time smoking "the pot". Now if I could just eat a brownie with it, I would feel the full effect. But that is because I am more excited about the brownie than the pot.
My friends couldn't believe I did it.
"If a cute boy offered you cocaine at this point, you would have tried it" Mads said
And she was probably right.
Which is so unlike me.
Which is why it was so liberating.
And we danced.
And then Mads and Gamby started dancing on a couch thing and I was dancing with this guy we dubbed Mullet guy. He had long curly hair and a baseball cap. He had that sort of "I notice you but not really" look and he was noticing me but not really.
And Jazzy joined Mads and Gamby on the couch thing. And there I was alone with Mullet guy. Who got closer to me and started to grind. But not really. But seemed like he would. Which elicited me to say later on in the car (I have been told, because I don't really remember), "I like when guys know when to grind on me. I like when guys grind on me". I remember saying something like that but it sounds really skanky writing it here.
The show was over at 11pm-ish which didn't sit well with the dance floor. Plans were made to move the party to china town.
Some guy and I were now on the couch thing and he had the deepest dimples. His name was ralph. I called him Ralph dimples. And he was going to join us where we were going. But I don't know what plans were being made then because I closed my eyes under the night sky being watched by downtown LA skyscrapers.
Mads joked to everyone that I was her ride.
Someone helped me sit up.
And we went to Chung King Road.
Where we met a cinematographer named Grady Sain. He had a beard. And took our picture.
We took a ton of pictures actually. And threw coins in the wishing fountain. Weird thing on that fountain is that Luck is the closest bowl to throw into and Vacation is the hardest. WHAT? How weird. I tried for the usual...love, money and fame.
I missed the bowl but reconciled that if you got it near there, it would all come true.
We then went to 4100 bar.
I was sobering up a lot at this point. Every car ride was an exercise in not letting the spins do their damage on me.
We had fun there too. Mads took care of us and bought us all tamales from a man who seemed to have a secret language with Mads.
It was good to have some food. It was good to have some food that hit the spot immediately and absorbed my wine.
I was drinking water at this point and it all tasted so good. Refreshing.
Boys were buzzing around us like we were honey. It was a night so unlike many LA nights. Filled with possibility in a real big city way.
And it was fun. And alive.
And that is not the alcohol talking.
But it may be the caffeine...I am now drinking coffee...and feeling fine.
Frenchiegal planned an amazing scavenger hunt day for her boyfriend Greeky.
It ended with him taking a cab back to her place where we were all waiting to yell "surprise"
He was shocked. Like heart attack shocked.
It was a fun evening.
There was really good wine, greek food and a killer salad that Jazzy made before she had to go into work unexpectedly for a couple of hours.
It wasn't a large group but it was a fun group.
Frenchiegal's brothers are hilarious as are Greeky's friends.
The cake was from Sweet Lady Jane's and was TO DIE FOR
I gave chair massages.
Artie gave me one back.
Around the time we all started doing our Sean Connery impressions and the Chewbacca sounds started to become the major form of communication, it was time to leave.
But not before asking for the hundreth time how to say Happy Birthday in Greek.
I still can't remember.
I think it sounds like Corn pilaf.
When I was a little girl, I would play barbies with my friend Leash.
She and I would take great pains to set up the house and the lives of our barbies throughout the week at our babysitters.
On Friday, we would start to act out their lives. But by friday evening, we would have to take it all down because our babysitter didn't want barbie-town all over her living room for the weekend. So we would start it all over on monday.
I always imagined that my barbie was a secretary with an office supply company and dated ken (I was never clear what he did for a living) and we would go to dodger games on friday nights and eat hot dogs there. I would imagine that I would wear my dr. scholl clogs and have feathered hair.
Some of those dreams have changed.
But I still remember the way I felt about an evening ripe with adult excitement.
Last night was kind of like that.
The air had an electricity to it.
I met Mads at Lala's.
Lala's Insalata Melrose salad and their olive oil paste is good.
We were going to meet at 8pm. But at 7:30, after having only drunk a glass of TJ's Spanish dry rose at home (no not like the Franzia box rose of yore, but a newer classier rose that tastes good), I was a bit drunkish.
I called her to see if I could meet her a little later while the buzz wore off.
Which it did.
And I met her later.
And we ate good food.
Sitting there outside on Melrose, everyone seemed so happy to be out.
And I wondered...when you are miserable, you see how miserable everyone is.
When you are in a good mood, you see how happy everyone is.
And I was in a good mood. And everyone seemed in one too.
And that only made me smile harder.
And not drink anything else but water.
But I ate a lot of the bread.
"Aren't you on a low carb thing again?" Mads inquired.
"No, low calorie higher carbs" I was happy to say.
I don't think the amount of bread I ate was in line with the plan, but who cares.
Mads and I never run out of things to talk about. And living in LA, we never run out of things to do or good places to eat.
Which is kind of what I thought being an adult would feel like.
And with nights like last night, I don't need to be near dodger stadium, be dating unisex ken or be playing make believe to feel the full effect of an imagined world coming to light.
Now if only I could find those my dr. scholl clogs.
This week has been funny.
I am learning that things I thought i knew are not the way I thought.
I am learning that others are in a worse place and that they have been still giving me support when I was in my darker hours.
I am learning that even though I can never remember it in the moment, being positive feels so much better than being negative.
My sister went to Paris with a girl we knew from college last week.
My sister married a German and this girl J, married a frenchman.
They are each pregnant with their 3 child and they both needed some time away from the foreign husbands and the kids. So they went to Paris.
And I saw the pics.
Now, I have never really liked J, because back in college, she and I were both hanging around the same guy.
A greek man named Nico.
And by hanging around, I mean sleeping with him.
When I saw my sister's pics this week, I thought to myself, how weird that so many years later, I am looking at the girl that I felt was my competition.
Then not 5 mintues later, my sister calls to tell me that she and J talked about Nico and that J admitted that they never dated, not even kissed.
Nico and J talked about it but they realized that when they weren't laughing they were always fighting.
I fought with him too.
crazy greeks.
How weird that I always thought she was my nemesis.
I am learning there are a lot of things I got wrong.
And it is making me happier to learn about those things.
I came to work today kind of giddy.
Don't know why.
Carrie pulled out a tarot-like card for me to see what I should focus on today.
It was the card of "Positive Expectations"
It basically said that I am very close to what I want and not to give up so close to the finished product. Also to keep the negativity away. And not give in to the fear. Complex card.
I swear. I am in such a good mood.
Things aren't working out the way I want them to. I have the same things to bitch about that I did before, but somehow, it all seems and feels like it will work out. I don't know what changed. I don't know why all of a sudden I feel sooo hopeful.
But I do. And I am singing. And laughing at work. Some people think I am drunk. They aren't complaining. Just dialing AA for me.
And I am feeling close to the end of a bad line. I am feeling inspired and energized again.
Halle-frigging-lujah to the positive expectation card.
I am feeling it, becoming it, and living it.
Amen.
Did you ever feel so at a crossroads with your emotions that you could go in two opposing directions? Sometimes, that intersection of anxiety (to quote Kory) is a choice between 2 directions that are eerily similar but different enough. And sometimes, it feels that your choices are like night and day.
I feel that emotionally right now.
I feel that I can either conquer the world with a can-do attitude, be grateful for all the brushes with greatness I have had lately, and feel that I am on the cusp of something amazing even though it hasn't shown up yet (translation - ever).
OR
I feel that I can hole up in a little ball all alone in my apartment, realize I was never bound for greatness (just a bunch of "almost moments") and that the talent I think I possess is really an illusion so why try and pursue it.
I know I know...how dramatic. How obvious the choice? Why would I willingly choose the sad, pathetic howard hughes (sans money) version of the cross road?
Because it is less painful than constantly putting myself out there like a chump creatively, professionally, emotionally and romantically.
That is why.
And yet, as I write this, that particular reason still doesn't seem to be enough. Even though I want to cry and want to give up and want to just go, "yeah, a bunch of almost moments weren't bad"...even though I want to do that so badly, there is a tiny voice inside me screaming at me to continue the other path. It may be harder. And I may never see the results that warrant an equal pay out to the work I have put in. But the little fetus position option still won't give me the results I want either.
So might as well try the one that MIGHT work.
Okay. Done. Intersection of Anxiety is in my rear view mirror. Next stop.....? Anyone's guess.
The Groundlings were amazing. I had a great time. My friend Michael N had a very funny set as the Phantom of the Opera. You must see the sketch show. HI-larious. The improv after was great too. It makes me realize, my improv group wasn't so hot and by proxy maybe I wasn't either. But whatever, it was a joy to see great improv and sketch.
Went out afterwards with several of the people from the cast. Had a great time. Michael is very easy to talk to. We got in a head butt over new agey stuff. He almost walked away from me when I told him I believed in astrology. I almost joked that my psychic ability had predicted he would do that. Maybe I actually said it. I can't remember. Friday seems so long ago.
Went to the healer on Sat and then to Pan Pipes with Zapato and Jill. They got candles to bring in the $$$. Hope it works.
Went to Leigh's Sat night and we had a great time catching up some more. Mads et al went to Hollywood Forever Cemetery to see my fave old time move of all...Sunset Blvd. Ahhh. I wasn't able to join but I heard they had a good time.
Sunday morning, I got a massage at Burke Williams in Pasadena. It was the gift certificate they gave me from work for all my efforts during the move. It was nice to be there so early. I had the entire spa to myself and I pretended the locker room was my palatial bathroom.
In the afternoon, I went to Jazzy's to meet up before we went to the premiere of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I am a chocoholic. From the opening credits involving chocolate, I think I went into a love relationship with the screen. mmmmmm .....chocolate.
Frankie Muniz and his tv mom and her husband from the west wing were there.
So was Johnny Depp. And Tim Burton. And Ice Cube. And Melanie Griffith.
After the film, we waited at the curb to take a car to the party. Next to us were Bob Saget and David Hasselhoff. We got in our car before them so I think we rated higher in the celebrity eschelon than they did. Or maybe we had a better driver.
The after party was amazing. Chocolate everywhere. And alcohol. There was a mountain of fudge brownie. There were games. There were fountains of chocolate where you could dip anything you wanted into it. They gave us buckets and we stocked up on the walls of candy and Wonka bars. It was like I was in the movie. I was a kid again. It was magical.
They were also giving away books called Naked Chocolate as prizes for the games.
One game involved me being in a booth with gold tickets flying in my face as I try and put them in a slot.
The author of the book was there. He saw the book next to me and asked if he could sign it. I told him sure. He is a total chocoholic and lives on a healthy diet of it. he was very slender so I don't know what else he eats.
He wrote in my book: "To Kirsten...chocolate is love. I love you."
I showed it to Mads and then realized his name was David.
I almost went pale. Jazzy said..."maybe that is it. David approached you...and proclaimed his love. Maybe that is all it was supposed to be. Maybe the David thing is done." Who knows. it was surreal. He started a chocolate religion. I may become a convert. Mmmm Chocolate.
The highlight of the night was Mads getting a pic of Johnny Depp who looked right into her camera as she took his pic guerilla style. Blown up, you would swear he is looking into your heart. Note to Mads...send the damn pics already. Everyone at work wants to see them.
We went to Jones afterwards with Derek and a very drunk Kory. Vehery drunk. Mads told him earlier in the evening..."Oh drunk Kory. I love drunk Kory. He is my favorite". He was drunk and laughed.
We were all pretty buzzed. The bartender at Jones cut poor Kory off who actually had only one drink there but couldn't find his way out of the bathroom without assitance.
So he was cut off. But he didn't seem to care. He put his head in Mads's lap and fell asleep.
I had a Wonka bar before I went to bed and I had the best sleep in the world.
I may have a problem.
But it is a chocolatey good one.
And I start the diet today.
I already did.
I think it will do me good.
Sooooo much has happened.
So many emotions.
Just so much.
Last night at Jazzy and Zapato's bday party at Mads's, Zapato asked if I was schizophrenic when I mentioned that I have sometimes found my writings and couln't remember writing several of the pieces. I told her I would ask the voices in my head about the schizophrenia.
But all kidding aside, I wonder with the kind of life I have been living, if I am not involved in some split personality time, some parallel universe.
I am up. I am down. I am angry. i am happy. I am sad. I cool off. I am drunk. I indulge. I starve myself. I drink water and take my vitamins. I can't sleep and dreaming awake is pretty trippy.
I wonder about the events of my life since Friday.
Last weekend, I met up with the healer. It was very enlightening.
Later that night, I went to the Farmer's Market with Mads, Jazzy, Zapato and her bro DV.
Then on the way home, I took a call I thought was coming from out of state.
But it was local. He was in town.
We met up.
Kind of a mistake. Then as I am trying to catch some shut eye, I was up several times with food poisoning. Or that sinking feeling when you know you made a mistake with someone who didn't used to be a mistake.
Woke up sat wondering how long a bad night can last.
Went for a facial and a pedicure.
Sunday, went to Vegas.
I would tell you about it except what happens there, stays there don't you know?
But suffice it to say, there was drinking, eating, high-lifing it.
A friend of ours works at the Bellagio.
She set our whole group (18 of us) up with free drinks and vip entrance into Light.
The next day we were set up at the Bellagio pool in a cabana. Drinking maitais and other frozen drinks.
Jill and I had an entire pool routine going on to the amusement of an onlooker who happened to be the fitness trainer for the show General Hospital. He kept giving critiques like, "This is coming from a place of love, but more leg movement"
He was a hoot.
He couldn't believe we were from LA AND in the industry. He said we had no attitude. I think the translation is: What women over 21 would relentlessly do handstands in synch with each other and be proud of it? they must be some sort of rain women from kansas or something.
You would have thought we had never seen a pool.
We were very excited.
Mads had been feeling a little under the weather. She didn't join us unil later at the pool. When I got to the cabana and saw her there, I gave her the 3rd degree about missing Jill's and my show entitled Cirque de Soleils other show O MY GOD
Mads said, Well, it is too bad you missed me winning on the slots.
Oh yes, she won. On the slots. $8640. We all went to rub her belly for luck. I kissed the money with nary a thought that it is gross to kiss something that has probably been in questionable places.
Mads inner circle got bigger and she definitely beamed. it was fun.
More drinking eating and some gambling by yours truly (I won $165 on the slots, yea for me). Then some dancing to some undanceable music.
Some characters that mads and I dubbed as our boyfriends and then quickly dubbed as exboyfriends when they got cheezy.
Came home Tuesday night and dreaded work the upcoming morning.
Have been battling the usual work shit.
Was awakened this morning with the news of London and contacted anyone I knew who was there. Everyone is okay that I know.
More work shit. I used to laugh at the movie Office Space. Now, it makes me cry because it is too too true to life.
Tomorrow am checking out my new friend at the Groundlings. Sat, I am seeing Leigh and possible going to Hollywood Forever Cemetary to see Sunset Blvd. Sunday...well, I will write about that later. I am too excited and don't want to jinx what I am doing on Sunday.
With all that has gone on and is coming up, I am still unsure as to the ground beneath my feet. I am on a fast moving truck and am holding on to a feather in hopes of not falling off. Sometimes the ride is exhilerating and sometimes I am ducking the overpasses.
Maybe Zapato is right about the schizophrenia. Or maybe I am on a very accelerated life plan.
I am just trying to enjoy it until I get it right. I may be wrong, but I feel that it may be soon.
So yesterday at work I cried my eyes out in wendy's office.
It was at the end of the day.
And it was right before a 5 day weekend for me. They gave us friday off. And I am going to vegas and taking Tuesday off. So I should have been happy.
But I was sad.
And then I remembered that 2 years ago this time, I was in a bad way. And last year I was better but still not great. Maybe there is something that goes on with me around 4th of July. I don't know...maybe a personal inventory.
Whatever it is, my life is in much better shape when I compare it to the past 5 years.
And then I went to my friend Christy's good-bye party.
And it was FABULOUS.
I met a man I have been hearing about on dvd commentaries lately.
I met a writer for the simpsons.
I met several writers, comics, actors, producers,etc. The most fun, creative, open group. We sang karaoke. I met a very funny guy named Michael who played tambourine while I sang Sister Christian with Jenny (another writer). I sang Journey's Faithfully with Todd who I erroneously called Matthew.
I didn't eat dinner and drank wine.
I was high on life with nary a thought that my cry at work had even occurred in the same lifetime let alone the same evening.
This morning I went to this amazing guy for some body work. I drove out to Woodland Hills and he and his wife worked magic on me.
Then i met Mads at Swingers for some lunch. i was starving.
Jazzy and Frenchiegal were there. And writer J showed up and said hello.
Tonight, we are going to do something with Jazzy and Zapato and her brother.
Sunday, 23 of us are descending upon Las Vegas to celebrate several birthdays. I may never come back. I think this weekend was exactly what the doctor ordered.
A psychic recently told me that I try and be grateful for what I have which lately has been getting worse and worse. Soon, she said, I will have a bounty of things and feeling grateful won't feel like such a chore because I am naturally a grateful person and when great things happen to me, I am very aware of them.
I hope last night was the start of that because it was wonderful. And yes, I am very grateful.
Happy 4th you all.