If 37 is as great as this weekend, I welcome it.
Friday, my bosses took me out to lunch. Boyboss had already quit, but came back while girlboss was taking the bar.
It was wonderful to have him back in the office.
Sadly, Friday was the last day he was filling in.
Both he and girlboss took me to lunch.
And it was a start of a really nice entree into another birthday.
Friday night, I was still in the throes of depression.
Depressed that my twenties and my thirties have produced only moments of a heyday. I started to believe that it is possible that my heyday is yet to arrive.
Things haven't been easy for me. And I seem to get down this time of year. And I seem to be down due to all the dating mishaps.
Not that it hasn't been educational, fun, blah blah blah...but I am looking for something specific.
Jazzy called me friday to go out with her and Zappy.
I wanted a night home to just be alone and have a pity party.
When I woke up Sat morning, the feeling was still on me. Yucky depression residue.
But after having a crying jag and some really sad thoughts, the feeling subsided.
I went to have a thai massage which I swear, if everyone got, there would be no war anymore.
It was so releasing.
I met Mads at my place before I met my close group at Electric Lotus for my dinner fete.
We drank some wine, she chastised me for my lack of a jewelry collection,
Mads: This is sad...pathetic actually
Me: I know. You know I hate jewelry
Mads: You NEED to have just a little more in your collection. You NEED to take care of yourself. Every year, we ALWAYS have this problem
She is right, but what can a girl do who is living paycheck to paycheck, still trying to keep up with her looks, talents and socializing.
Mads loaned me some of her accessories and I walked very carefully to the restaurant.
These high heels made me over 6 feet tall. But I could barely walk.
After a bit of a brouhaha about our table, we were seated in the back room on pillows.
It was delicious and it was a wonderfully intimate group.
This morning I met Leigh for breakfast. She caught me up as to all her wedding plans. We had a good time and had breakfast at a little french place in venice right on the water. It was good food and the waiter was very french. Snubbing us and making us laugh at the same time. Once Leigh's fiance and I broke out the french, he was a little nicer.
Then i met Mads and jazzy to go to lunch at Tom Bergin's. Jazzy's cutie friend J was tending bar and he made my birthday lunch very festive. He gave me a pin that said that I celebrated Tom's 70th birthday. I kept making a joke that I was only 69. I meant to say 70 for the joke to be funny. Everyone thought I was trying to be sexual. I had to correct them that in fact, I messed up a joke that wasn't funny in the first place.
So there we are, sunday brunch-ish drinking irish coffees.
Nice.
Eating pub food.
Nice and greasy.
Then we went shopping. More of Mads and Jazzy taking care of their little no-clothing charity case.
But you don't see me complaining. I loved it.
Tomorrow the work gang is taking me out for karaoke. I am going to wear one of my new outfits. And maybe the Tom Bergin's pin...it brought me pretty good luck today so I thought why not continue with the festivities...maybe this little green pin will trump my blues once and for all.
Since December I have been a dating fool.
It is like the heavens opened up and granted me dating queen status.
And I have been having a fabulous time.
More or less.
There have been tears and laughter. I have learned to take dating a little lighter.
But before my blind date tonight, I told Mads that I think this will be it for awhile. At least with new blind dates.
I need to get back to my writing and to my creativity.
It is weird too because it is the feeling of struggle that has always fueled my writing and my comedy.
And because lately, I have been in a less struggling place, my worry was that my art would suffer.
No need to worry about that.
I went on my date.
Now this guy and I have had Great GREAT phone conversations. I mean we were that amazing phone couple. We laughed. There was a lot of energy. His look was one that could go either way attraction-wise. It would be determined by his personality: if he was as funny as he was on the phone, he would be a hottie...if not...well, why wouldn't he be...he was hi-larious on the phone.
He wanted to meet at Target and try and find each other among the belts and glasses.
Sounded like an adventure. Sounded like fun.
Then we would go for green tea.
In reality, it took us awhile to find each other. I think we were making circles around the same areas.
Once we did run into each other, it was that moment where you would hear a huge disappointed sigh from each of us.
Now being the optimist I am, I still can take a date like that and have a good conversation.
But being that the mutual unattraction was present, he was in no mood to make it work.
All our phone energy was gone. He was a big bore. There was no sense of fun. But the night was young. Why not try and see if more energy would come from conversation. At least, that was my take on it.
I hate the smell of bubble gum. And of course he puts a stick of bubble gum in his mouth. I grinned and tried to bear it.
We went to get some green tea.
We had nothing to talk about. I tried asking him questions.
His answers were one word.
He wasn't even trying to ask questions. I sounded like a blabbering idiot. Then I stopped. The old me would have tried to make it work no matter what.
But since lately I know that there are all types out there and sometimes you won't mesh, I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to keep it going.
So, with a lull of a second or two in the conversation, he said, "I gotta go".
And he stood up.
I was waiting for the funny guy on the phone to say that he was just kidding.
But that guy was gone.
In his place he sent this boring guy.
My first thought was HOW RUDE!
My second thought was Thank you. Now, my evening was still my own and there really was no reason to stay with each other any longer.
I am still dating the people that I am dating. I am still keeping in touch with the guys that I have plans in the near future with, but i have to say...as good as all this dating has been, it is tiring.
I love meeting new people...when it works out. And lately it has been fun meeting fun people. Some of the best first dates have been happening in my life. And it gives me such hope for the good guys that are out there and my ability to mesh with them.
But dates like tonight are just blips on the radar and they make dating seem like work.
I am glad that lately those are the exception rather than the rule (as it used to be for me).
It gives me the feeling that I am not just an observer in the dating world. But rather, I am a participant. Okay, I am a participant that observes when it doesn't go well and yes, it might end up in my comedy. But a participant nonetheless.
And that makes me feel like I am not such a freak.
And that makes me feel happy.
My sis is the coolest.
For my upcoming birthday, my sister is sending me to Europe to come visit her and the little munchkins in the spring.
I am so excited.
We will also go to Paris. Where I have never been.
Now I am tres excited. You see, I just went french on y'all.
And country apparently.
Oh well...c'est la vie...
I am listening to Stereolab, Nina Simone, 99 luftballoons, and the Scorpions to get in the mood.
One of those listed is not true.
Guess.
Loved the JayZ, Paul McCartney, Linkin Park version of Yesterday on the Grammys. Uh. Uh. Uh. Sorry that was me being JayZ.
Fell asleep before it was the show was over.
And woke up late.
But I have to say...I am liking today. It feels like a better day.
I think the new Burger King commercial (I think it is Burger King) is so weird.
It is like a Busby Berkley film where the women are dressed as condiments and mayonnaise is feeling inferior to catsup.
And then the women keep landing in top of each other as they build a hamburger.
It is kind of hypnotic and almost disturbing.
And it made me hungry for french fries which aren't even featured in the ad.
Sleep would be very beneficial to me at the moment.
I am feeling like the tasmanian devil is living in my brain and my tummy, making feel very antsy.
And no good comes of this feeling.
I am a freak.
I think you all knew it.
But I am now admitting it.
There is a special episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer which is a musical.
People dance until they combust.
In the end, Buffy is starting to dance to the point of combustion.
Someone stops her cold.
I needed that today.
Someone to stop me from spinning too fast.
And with every moment that I feel like I am losing my mind and starting to dance fast again, someone always does. And when that feeling returns at various points in the day, another somone does.
It doesn't look like I will be instantaneously combusting today.
Thank god.
Cuz I just got my hair looking the way I want it to.
What a strange weekend.
I didn't have many plans but I ended up doing a lot.
This is week 3 of exercising every day! Yahoo.
I rented 3 movies...
Elizabethtown - which, okay, Cameron I love you and your films...Singles, Almost Famous, etc, but what the hell. I found it horribly almost unfinishable. Like a bad male fantasy without any substance. And that makes me sad to say.
Another film I rented was "I Love you now don't touch me" or something like that. And I think I rented it before because it is about dating in LA. I like songs, music, movies, books, etc about LA. And since I date and I love all things LA, I would have thought it would be a nice match.
Um...no.
In fact, I couldn't even finish this one because it was so over the top that I was just wasting my time. I don't think I finished last time either. Yuck, fool me once, shame on you ...fool me twice, shame on you again cuz I just forgot fool me once.
The third film I absolutely loved..."Inside Deep Throat". Now don't ask me why as a woman who isn't into porn, I keep watching these making of porn films. But I loved it. It is a World of Wonder film too. They are a question mark for me as to their projects. Some of them I like, some of them I am like, what? was? that?
But bravo on this one. It is really well done and it was a social commentary on how the movie changed the way people saw porn and how porn today has changed from then.
Sat had a date with a really really fun guy who we will call B2. He is a former radio DJ which for those of you who know me, is not good. I used to be a dj groupie and I have really done my part not to feed that obsession. And here, I go out with a guy I think is only a musician and it turns out he was a huge dj in Austin. In addition to being a musician. He is also a writer and very very funny.
We had a great time. My dates lately are better than ever. The connections are good, the kissing is great. It is giving me more hope as to who is here in LA to date. I dunno. It was fun.
Then, this morning I went to Huntington Beach to support my friends who were running the half marathon. I was in Huntington Beach, pretty close to where the finish line was and was at a red light. The light turned green and I started to go. I must have looked down for a second, because when I looked up, I noticed the car in front of me was not going. I slammed on the brakes too late. I bumped her brand new fucking Lexus. God damnit. It was only a scratch on her bumper (whereas my license plate was bent up) but because it was new, she will probably get me. Which sucks because I still am reeling from my stupid moving violations ticket that ended up being $351 (not including traffic school). When it rains it pours I guess.
She got out and was so pissed at me. I finally was like, "Lady, I am sorry, but I am doing everything you want. It was an accident. I don't need you to continue to have attitude. We both have insurance and I don't know what else you want"
She sort of apologized and explained she was having a horrible day. It was only 10am so the rest of her day wasn't looking too good if it was already horrible. She said she would check with her husband if it was something that they even needed to fix. I am praying that her husband is like, it is a mild scratch that can be buffed out. Hoping hoping...All my fingers and toes are crossed.
Met up with the gals who had just finished as I was driving towards them. We all went out for breakfast and had a lot of fun. I am so proud of them. I couldn't imagine running the race. I could totally always be there to support you if you are running the race however. Unless I am busy and then I will just say, "atta girl (or guy)".
Anyway, so now I am dead tired. I am going to an opening for a swank bar tonight and I better have my showtime face on and not the I-was- making-out-all-night-drinking-wine-getting-up-early-to-go-to-a-marathon-and-on-the-way-had-a-fender-bender-face.
It wasn't a lost weekend. It was a strange and nicely unfolding weekend.
And it ain't over yet...well amen.
I have been learning to meditate.
And although I don't feel soooo different, I am noticing many things that are improving.
Last night I was on my way to dance class and was so excited that I was early enough to make it to the jump rope class before dance class.
But then through Hollywood, there was an anti-Bush rally AND there was a movie being filmed.
I sat on one street for 20 minutes in one spot.
The parade of Bush haters screamed at my car.
I was so pissed.
They screamed that I was a Bush Lover when I rolled up my windows because their screams were interrupting my awesome music.
I was like, I didn't vote for him...and I lost. Now because of your stupid parade I might not make it to my dance class...and again I lose...so I am not a Bush lover, but right now...I am a lover of anyone who isn't protesting at rush hour, taking over the streets of Hollywood, screaming through megaphones at people with impassioned voices that make my skin crawl.
I mean, it is America and enjoy your rights, but don't infringe on mine...that's all.
I was getting really hot.
I saw the same look in other cars from other drivers.
I felt imprisoned by the cordoned off streets and the cops pointing so listlessly where we couldn't go.
But then I breathed.
It was all temporary.
I made it to dance class just on time.
Class was great.
Getting home was equally as bad as getting there had been.
I ducked into Ralph's to grab some dinner fixin's.
It was like the universe was testing me left and right.
There was a guy at the front of the line who was paying by check AND card AND coupons. He had a ton of stuff.
When he was FINALLY done, the guy behind him (in front of me) found a wallet on the ground and asked mr. lot-o-stuff if it was his.
It wasn't.
The checker (who was soooo cavalier) looked through to see if there was any ID.
In my head, I was like, um, could you do that when you don't have a huge line?
But he looked through it at a leisurely pace.
Realized there was no ID and put it aside.
The guy in front of me had one item. He was done. I was so excited.
Then mr. lot-o-stuff came back and asked for stamps.
Mr. Cavalier checker was like, ok.
Took the $$ and then realized he had no stamps in his drawer.
He called several other checkers.
This is the conversation with the 3rd checker (now keep in mind, I am still waiting AND am next in line AND have been driving around Hollywood for 2 hours and need to eat AND have had an exercise class after a full day of a stressful work day):
"Hey doll... do you have any...what's the matter? you sound sad. oh good. I am glad. Baby, do you have any stamps in your drawer? No way...he did not. Well, good for you. Oh you do have stamps? Great, can you bring them down?"
I was about to pop my top.
But I didn't.
I just breathed.
I wanted to grab every chocolate bar at the check out stand and eat all of them to assuage my irritation. But I didn't.
I just breathed.
And I meditated when I got home.
Which was a better way than my old way of drinking and eating myself to sleep.
Funny, I didn't realize I was evolving when I wasn't looking.