The week is underway. And by underway, I mean, I kept thinking yesterday was Wednesday and that today is Friday.
Is it beacuse I have had insomnia?
Not insomnia exactly. What is it when you are so tired when you go to bed and so tired when you wake up?
My life. Oh ho!
Last weekend, Zappy and I started our summer vacation with a day trip to Balboa Island. It was nice, yummy and sunny.
On the drive back to LA, we took PCH so we could visit with my uncle at his nautical shop Antiques of the Sea. We stayed only a few minutes. He was in good spirits but asked the kind of questions you get at holiday family functions like, "Are you vested at your company?" or "so this comedy thing, are you going to try and make money at it now?"
I smile and nod. Yeah, I was thinking of giving that money making a try.
Sunday, I held a storytelling salon at Zappy's. She hosted it and I held it (I guess). Or the other way around.
My friends are all good writers but not necessarily performers. It was my mission to create an intimate and supportive environment for us to share our written stories out loud with one another.
Zappy made pizza and we drank wine and read our stories. Each person's story prompted another story from each of us (impromptu) on the particular subjects.
It was a great evening and the mission was accomplished.
We will do another one again in August since the summer is already moving at warp speed.
Friday is Ennui's bday. Sat is Jazzy's bday party. Next week is my mom's bday, Zappy's bday party, a guy at work's bday and then comes all the fun nights out around Ennui's upcoming wedding. Then like 5 more bdays from various people I know.
I am tired just thinking about it. But I was already tired to begin with so that doesn't really make a statment, I suppose.
Tonight I am going with Gamby to Mortified.
And last night, I wore my newly vinegared (thanks Kate) boa to dance class.
I was only a lighter shade of blue on my neck last night.
I may get it right soon.
PS - and please help me send good thoughts to Zappy. Her father is really sick. Good thoughts, Zappy. Good thoughts.
Weird day.
Today, I auditioned to be on a game show. I don't know how it went. I answered most of the questions wrong, but my personality sparkled. I even demonstrated my yodeling abilities and my impromptu flamenco dancing.
If they like correct answers, I am a flop. If they like yodeling blondies, I am a shoe-in. It's funny how my chances are a crap shoot, kind of like life is.
And for something completely unrelated but equally as odd -
When I was active on Jdate, there was a guy who would always hotlist me. His photos were crazy. Like him photoshopped in a dance club on a stage. Or a dark picture of him with sunglasses and a fake gun to his head. His profile was just as nutty as his photos. I figured he had to be joking or really certifiable. One day, he finally emailed me and his words to me were just as chaotic. I never responded.
I did print out his profile though because I thought it would make a funny story some day. Or at least, funny cocktail conversation.
But as with many things that I never get around to, the printout fell under other papers. I found it the other day. I didn't even read it. I just sighed as I blew the dust off realizing that it was part of a particular time in my life where all I was doing was printing out people's profiles at a rapid pace. I tossed it in the shredding pile.
Tonight, I got an email on myspace.
The subject line is "I think I know you".
I look at the profile and am pretty sure I don't know him. He is a porn star. I am wondering if it is spam. Until one of the pictures from jdate that I recognize comes up. Same guy. I wonder if I am a magnet for fetish freaks and dark dark personalities (which is kind of ironic because even if I am sometimes thrilled by those traits, it is sooooo not part of my being).
His latest blog entry dated yesterday is about how he quit the porn industry.
So out of curiosity, I open his email to me.
He tells me he is not as scary as his page would reveal and that he could be a good friend even if I am too nervous to get to know him otherwise.
He has now become a set designer in lieu of boffing on film.
He told me that he will be changing his myspace page soon.
He hoped that I was laughing out loud at him.
Sometimes life hands me lemons. Sometimes it hands me ready-made lemonade. And other days, it seems like I am handed some drink that is being passed around at a party and you shouldn't ask what it is because the list of ingredients is too long and probably illegal.
That is the drink I was handed today, it seems.
I am not complaining.
The drink satisfies in a weird way that quenches the thirst, but also feels like I will have a hangover tomorrow.
Zappy works in the Fashion District downtown, where there are a bounty of shops that sell materials and clothing for pretty cheap.
I got my coin skirt for belly dancing down there last year.
In the ongoing Strip Tease dance class that Zappy and I have been taking, we started a new routine last night. The prop is a boa.
Gamby would also be joining us this series and since none of us had any boas, Zappy offered to buy us some boas near her showroom.
$5.00 each. You can't beat that.
Gamby picked hot pink.
Zappy picked green.
And I picked Turquoise.
Right before Strip Tease, I also take Pilates.
The weather was hot and I was already sticky before I had stepped foot into class.
Once the Strip Tease class started (and Pilates was over), I was nice and dewey.
But I kept my hair down for the dancing because it was sexier.
We were using our boas and learning the new routine.
We looked awesome. The room got hotter. Zappy and I have a curtain of hair and when our body temp goes up, the hair keeps us hotter.
So despite it not looking as sexy, we both put our hair in pony tails.
Boa rested nicely against my skin, my main mission was not to let it stick to me, causing it to rip.
Everyone's boas were shedding.
It looked like Muppet carnage in there. Feathers everywhere.
When class was over, someone turned on the overhead lights to reveal our sweaty faces. We all took our boas off and Zappy takes one look at me.
"OH MY GOD!!!"
Gamby inhales with a silent shriek.
"What? What is wrong?" I ask a little panicked.
"You are BLUE!" Zappy says, trying to stifle a scream.
I look in the mirror and see that my whole neck, shoulders and upper arms are indeed blue. The sweat had mixed with the $5.00 boa coloring and voila, I am now a muppet. Or someone who looks like she is about to die from frostbite.
I kind of laugh. But I am a little nervous as we are about to go to dinner. And where the idea of looking skanky from gym class was previously my only worry, I am now also concerned with my festive skin color.
I try and wash it off in the bathroom.
I now notice it is also on my face.
Above my lip and on my cheeks.
Zappy comes to help me. But she has problems of her own, as she is a slight tint of green.
We are giggling out of nervousness. She uses soap to get most of it off of me.
I am only slightly miscolored now. Acceptable to go out to dinner.
When I get back into the dance studio, I lift my arm, and strategically placed in my arm pit, is a huge blue feather. The dance teacher says, "it could be worse, you could have had a black boa."
Which is true. No one would think that I have blue pits naturally.
We climb in the car towards Don Cuco's and I am trying to figure out a way to wrap plastic around my boa. Or keep my hair down and just be really sweaty, so the feathers don't touch my skin. Or bring a towel to wipe off the color after class.
Once I was home, I gingerly placed my boa in a place its color wouldn't rub against anything.
I can handle my neck and shoulders temporarily being another shade.
But my clothes and furniture turning that color...that would make me a
little, well, blue.
Sometimes I find that I am a social butterfly.
And then other times, you couldn't lure me from my apartment for all the chocolate in the world.
I am tending toward the hermit phase again, but too much is on the horizon for me to do that.
So I am taking baby steps to stay in the game. I have to. The risk of losing what I have built up is too great.
I went on two dates this weekend.
One was not great.
The other wasn't either.
But they were exactly what I thought they would be.
No surprises. Which was not bad.
One talked about how he sleeps with his dog because all his friends have girlfriends and also how he plays video games until 3am every night.
My friend's husband upon hearing this, said, "that is the shit you hide until she decides she wants to be with you."
That is what I thought. That isn't really first date kind of selling yourself talk.
The other guy was nice enough. Cute too. But I think he was stoned. He also told me that he wears shorts every day. And that if there was a club that wouldn't allow him to wear them, then it isn't a club he would want to go to.
It's good he has his principles.
My principle is to be with someone who isn't offended by the idea of pants.
It is important to keep your dating skills updated.
Which is what the 2 dates were.
I learned that I still can ask the most boring people about their lives and make them seem interesting.
This can cause problems.
1 - they think I am interested in them and they feel like I like them too much.
2 - they think I am interested in them and they like me and feel like we are matched matched matched.
3 - they think I am interested in them and therefore don't do the work to get to know me.
Basically a lose-lose-lose for me...if I am not interested in them.
Which I wasn't.
Truth is you can't fight chemistry. You can't make "attraction". Sure someone can grow on you, but that is usually based on a friendship or one party being more persistent than the other.
But when both are equally as unsure, then the lack of attraction is only heightened.
It only strengthens my resolve to date more like a guy.
Which I am doing a little more.
Guys, no matter how ugly or dopey, think they deserve the best.
Women sometimes do, but in my opinion, that usually happens once they are IN the relationship.
I have been single too long to settle on so-so.
I know what I want. More important...I know what I don't want.
Not to say that there aren't crazy women out there...but for all my single girlfriends, it is unclear as to why they are single.
It is clear, however, when I date certain guys as to why they are single.
But I am not bitter. Just more determined to go after what I want.
And it is looking like that ain't something normal or tied up with a regular bow.
This weekend, I also had lunch with a group of funny ladies.
It was great to catch up, and one of them had a very exciting opportunity for me. I will talk more about that later. It does involve comedy. Possibly. And it does involve me. Possibly. With Pay. Possibly.
And I am catching up on sleep. Because with all that is about to happen, my hermitude and my lack of sleep will do me in.
I am tired. I won't lie.
And results, per usual, are not as forthcoming as I would like.
Sometimes I want to just lie down and take a nap and pretend that these opportunities are like all the others from my past...shiny but not worth the follow through. It is hard to keep the faith that things will work out.
But to throw in the towel because I am afraid of being too close to what I want only to have it snatched away again isn't an option.
This is the game I longed to play.
I am finally in it.
And I am staying in the game.
My show went well. The house was peppered in good measure with my people.
And as nervous as I always am because I have a life long battle with stage fright, I did well.
And then this Saturday night, Zappy and I went to the Grove to see Knocked Up. Bought our tix online and then got to the theater a half hour in advance and guess what...no seats. So we waited another half hour in line to kvetch to the manager. I wasn't leaving until he would do something to make me feel worthy of leaving. He said he couldn't help us.
him: "I can't help you."
me: "You HAVE to help us!!!!! I didn't buy tickets online, battle the parking monster, get here a half hour early to get two seats together, only to find there are none together."
him: "I bet if we go in now, we would find two seats together. In my two years of working here, I have never seen where we can't find seats together."
me: "I'm not calling you a liar, but what I am telling you is what we saw. And this is supposed to be a nice night out. And now I am pissed. You HAVE TO HELP US."
I think he saw that I was going to cause a stir and he really didn't have time to deal with my sniveling. So he helped us in a way I was happy with.
And while in line, we saw Nicole, one of the America's next top model winners.
When we left, we saw a little boy (maybe two years old) standing by himself by the door.
Zappy noticed him first. Then I noticed that there were no adults around him. I asked him where his mommy is and he ran. So I chased him. And Zappy chased me, lest anyone think I was trying to kidnap him. I thought maybe he was one of the stand vendor's kids. He ran and I ran. And I yelled, "Where is your mommy?" and he looked at me and ran harder.
He ran right to the Barnes and Noble. Where a woman inside with a frantic look on her face sees him and runs after him. Then he started crying.
She thanked us. Her voice was shaky. And he was able to let his guard down now that he was in his mommy's arms. She had probably been looking all over the book store not realizing he had run out and down the mall to the theater.
I felt like a superhero.
Had we not waited in such a long line and put up such a stink with the theater manager, this moment might have been very different for everyone involved.
it was good.
And then yesterday, I had brunch with Mads and Ennui and we saw William H Macy come in to the restaurant with his 2 daughters who were dressed like princesses.
Oh and past guys I dated that never called again or where we broke up are all starting to call. I can't believe they still have my numbers.
So far, I am up to number 5 of the past.
I of course do not call them back.
Because I have now evolved into a superhero who does comedic storytelling on the side.
And really, there are only so many hours in the day to suffer fools.
And that is reserved for traffic and sometimes movie theater managers.
I was under the assumption that once I had the antibiotics in my system, my tonsillitis would go away and there would be no pain.
When the creepy doctor asked if I wanted tylenol with codeine, I didn't think I would need it.
I did need it. And wished I had known that this pain that would last all week long and spread to my ears would be this bad. Oy the sleepness nights.
Note to all of you out there who may be in my situation someday...take the codeine.
I needed to take the antibiotics on a full stomach. But when you can't really eat because it hurts, that is hard to do.
So I drank a lot of Slim Fast.
And the upside is that I have lost weight.
And now...the pain is starting to subside.
Just in time for my show.
Life is starting to get good again.