Imagine you are out and about in Hollywood and you see a mild mannered tall blonde with hair that is sorely in need of a clean up trim and you think, "she seems content, calm and at peace with herself". Yeah that's right, that is totally what you would be thinking.
Aw yeah...I know you.
But what you wouldn't know is that this mild mannered tall blonde is having an entirely different evening...in her head.
Drama, comedy, romance, tension, excitement.
Yes...all in my head.
My friend Penelope Lombard did her one woman show at the Comedy Central work space tonight called "Licking My Chops". It is all about her relationship with food and it was very funny.
To the point that my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard the whole time.
As I pull up to the theater, I park in the lot across the street.
I see Alex Alexander's beautiful coat and recognize her immediately.
As we are about to start walking to the theater, our friend Christy (who I just saw perform at the Striking Writers Pinata last week) pulls up.
While waiting in line to get our tickets, Tig Notaro (funny stand up and regular on the Sarah Silveman show) is in front of me with Kyle Dunnigan (the shake the cow guy and Craig from Reno 911). I didn't realize it was him until later otherwise I would have said, "Hey".
I think...this Penny...she knows people.
Inside, I see Tess from the Soup on E!. We chat a little. Catch up. And say things like, "Man, how are you?" "Good. How are you?" "Good. Wow...great to see you." Important things like that.
As I am waiting in line for the bathroom, I see a guy that I have been tracking for awhile but who doesn't know me. He and I emailed each other several times over the past few years from dating sites. But I never ended up meeting him. He would always find me on other sites. I am not sure he knew it was me each time, but there was definitely something about me that drew him to me. Or maybe I was drawn to him. I am not sure either found the other extremely attractive, but something kept bringing us into the other's orbit. A couple of years ago, I saw him perform because he is friends with Penny and I smiled to myself thinking, how often is it you get to watch someone you may have dated and secretly judge or secretly admire from a distance? Not often. Well... I guess in LA that actually happens pretty often. Strike the "Not often" comment.
He is funny. But I wrote him off as a smirky, self-loathing comic.
This may or may not be true but sometimes I do that. Write people off. Especially comics with sarcasm who may have the power to make me feel sad.
I know...I am in therapy.
I hear he has a girlfriend now.
He seems to notice me last night too and I wonder if he knew what I knew and that he has been tracking ME all this time thinking I don't know the deal.
Funny.
After the show I meet a guy who I met years ago at a birthday party at Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale. He is an actor. I remembered him natch because he is an actor I had seen on the tv, but he didn't remember meeting me natch because I am not an actress he had seen on the tv.
Semi-famous meeting the semi-unfamous. It happens.
And I pretended it was the first time we were meeting. Easier that way, I think to myself. A lot easier than saying, "Were you at a roller skating party ohhhh 5 years ago in Glendale? I totally met you there."
My former teacher for my one person show class was there last night as well. He got married in September. Eloped. He looked very happy. I was happy for him. He is an amazing teacher and a cool guy.
Penny's director Mitchell was super sweet. I just saw him last week at Bang's Iprov improv show with Gretchen (a friend of a friend of Ennui.)
There was also David and his girlfriend with whom I danced the night away at Christy's wedding last year. And prior to the wedding, David and I had performed together a few years earlier at one of the spoken word nights.
My head was swirling with all the connections of people that Penny and I have in common.
It was like a big reunion for me. But no one was aware that they were part of my cosmic spider web. And as I sat grinning like a cheshire cat thinking how I am the 6 degrees that Kevin Bacon used to be the center of, I wondered if people could hear my thoughts. THAT I AM THE NEW KEVIN BACON.
The show was great. Penny was hilarious and after the show, I joined her and a few friends of hers from school at Amalfi's (the restaurant below Room 5 - Room 5 where I did my first spoken word evening courtesy of Penny and Christy so long ago).
It was like my life came full circle tonight. On a night that was about my friend and her awesome show, I somehow felt like I was the star. Popular, and ve-hery connected to ALL the people surrounding me.
Even if it only was in my head.
The line forms on the right for my autograph.
And it seems I have also become a name-dropper (see above names I have dropped)...because that is what famous-in-their-head people do.
It's true.
Yesterday, the company where I work, granted us a field trip to see the Murakami exhibit at MOCA downtown. I am already a MOCA member and had been planning to see it for some time. Never got around to it though. So this was the perfect opportunity to see it.
We all loaded up in busses with little bags filled with sandwiches, cookies and chips. Just like a grade school field trip. Once on the bus, they had coolers filled with beer. Just like grade school. Ha ha ha.
The art was not really my style but I totally appreciated it.
There were statues with big breasts and big schlongs that were squirting liquid. The liquid would be featured on another piece of art, like the squirting continued in a continuing liquid storyline.
My friend Ginny said, "What is WITH this guy and all the squirting!".
People snickered.
The exhibit was strangely childlike and sexual at the same time. Which is kind of disturbing to me.
But it was fun.
Mixed up the day.
Which was already a little mixed up because I saw my therapist whom I hadn't seen in a few weeks.
Not bad. Not good.
I really wanted to stay in bed and keep warm under the covers.
I thought for awhile that I was in a depression.
But I think I am NOT depressed. Just cold.
Oh the humanity!
I might actually have to put on an extra sweater or something!
My friend Sam is in town from Portland. We talked on the phone yesterday and I told him how he brought the beautiful weather. Yesterday was unusually clear considering the rains we had had.
I should have been outside walking in it, enjoying it, breathing it in.
But I didn't. I wrote inside. With my heater intermittantly on, and my cat nestled beside me. I occasionally opened the window to let the freshness in, and then would realize my feet were cold and close it again.
I went to Trader Joes to pick up something to drink for the dinner I was going to. It was almost warm. My coat almost seemed like a foolish choice.
I ran into Mark in the store and we chatted about how are Januarys have gone since New Year's Eve. We chatted about Pete and Tara and wondered if either of us had heard if they had had their baby yet (today I got the email that they did! And even though it was rough going right after their son was born, he is doing much better). Then as I left the store, it was pouring.
A kind of pouring that wouldn't relent until ...well...now. And who knows how long this rain break will last?
Mild-mannered people all of sudden turning into maniacs ...or RAINIACS as the rain hits them. "Arghh...no umbrella!" you hear as they cover their heads with newspaper, pushing, running and yelling.
It's strange that we are mostly made of water and yet, being unexpectedly wet, just feels so gross.
I went to Reb's for dinner since she is will be on location for 2 and a half weeks and wanted to have a little get together. It was really nice. Her sister made coconut cupcakes. Even though I couldn't eat one, they smelled and looked delicious. Reb's place is kind of small but extremely cozy and so artfully decorated. The door to her balcony was open and you could hear the rain outside as well as the Hollywood party-goers down below screaming while getting wet.
Upon leaving, Zappy and I walked under my umbrella to her car which was on Hollywood Blvd. The rain was pelting us. We were finally in her car, and about to pull out with another car waiting, when another car who was in front of where we were parked, backed up and decided HE was going to take our spot. The problem was that he was actually blocking us from getting out. He was waiting for the guy who was originally vying for the spot to move. But he wasn't moving.
So Zappy from New Jersey, got all attitudenal on the guy. He got out of his car to yell at the car behind him and Zappy rolled down her window and yelled, "Get the f&*k out of my way!"
"This is my spot and he won't back up." He whined
"No it's not. It's his spot! And you are blocking me. So f*&king move."
Zappy loves to be the fair player. She was pissed that he was trying to move in on the other guy's spot. but now that he was blocking us, it made her sense of justice come out in expletives.
"F*&k you!" he yelled at her.
"Oh f**k me? Well, f*%k you! I don't have to leave. I can sit here all night and not go anywhere."
And with that...she turned off her car.
Seeing that we weren't moving and the guy behind him wasn't moving and Hollywood Blvd. was slowly becoming a parking lot underwater, he got back in his car and drove away.
My heart rate was beating so fast.
"Really, I hate it when people aren't fair. I am like superwoman to fair parking," she said trying to lower her own heart rate.
And as the heater dried off our wet denim and dripping umbrella, the adrenaline started to some to a normal level.
We were out of the rain and out of the way of the Rainiacs of Hollywood Blvd.
I am sure we will run into more of them another rainy day, but last night, we were safe.
With all this crazy weather, one has to be prepared.
Layered clothing, umbrella, good shoes that are comfortable, weather-resistant and cute are part of the preparing one must do.
Last night, I was going to be accomplishing 3 different event after work. I needed to prepare well. Plus, I needed to make sure I would be able to stay up and energized.
Late afternoon latte achieved that.
Small purse that could still fit my umbrella (barely) made the cut for my accessory.
I met up with Tams's good-bye party at El Coyote.
In the bathroom, I ran into the actress Missy Pyle (who wasn't part of our party). She and another lady were both wearing striped shirts. I said, "Whoa, you're both wearing striped shirts." Missy said, "Yeah we got them in the stall. Once you go in there, you will find yours too. It's the uniform." And we laughed. I laughed especially in the way you do when you meet someone sort of famous and you try and come off like you might be sort of famous too and you are both equally witty. But it probably came off more like the laughing you do when you are all drunk in a bathroom and what you are laughing at isn't really funny.
But I wasn't drunk.
Back at the table, I started talking to Amber (whom I called Amanda), Anna and Tams's roommate Amy. All the "A" names started to throw me. How did I end up at this end of the alphabet I thought to myself. It was fun though. Amber and Amy want to come to the next storytelling evening. Pretty cool.
Jazzy, Mads and I left the party to go to an art show downtown at one of the lofts where Jazzy had 3 paintings being exhibited.
Driving into LA after a rainstorn with the air so clear was pretty beautiful with all the tall buildings' lights twinkling.
As we parked, I saw several cute boys.
I said out loud, more to myself, "I can't wait to meet these people"
Jazzy and Mads both were trying to figure out WHO exactly I was talking about and started asking me questions. But I was still looking at the cute boys and didn't realize they were talking to me.
We laughed about it while standing in line in the cold to get into the loft.
Jazzy said, "I have never even heard you say that about people you KNOW that you want to meet."
Mads said, "Yeah, it was the weirdest thing for you to say. Especially about strangers in the general sense."
In a You-Had-To-Be-There-Moment, we all started cracking up again.
Our artist friend Lizz must have overheard us and came and said hi to us in line.
People donated their art to be sold at a very low price. The proceeds would go to a good cause. So even though there weren't a lot of artists that were participating, there were a ton of patrons who were. The place was crazy crowded. Through the windows of the penthouse space, I could still see the bright shiny buildings. It was sooo NY-esque.
We found Jazzy's art. Mads started to take a picture of her in front of it and this girl walked up and started taking the paintings off the wall. Jazzy asked if she had bought them and she said yes. She let us take a pic of Jazzy with the art. Then a pic of Jazzy and the girl who had bought the art. Then a picture was taken with Jazzy and the empty wall where her art had just been 5 minutes ago.
Jazzy was elated. The same way I get when a show goes well. She became inspired to do more projects. I loved being a part of her big moment. Her art was gorgeous. I am glad our timing was such that we were witness to it being up, sold and gone.
Once we tried to make our way through the ever more crowded scene, we decided that we needed to get to phase 3 of the night. We were headed to hollywood to see the Brook Lee Catastrophe at the Hotel Cafe.
We thought we would be late since he seems to be a very unique prompt band. But as soon as we got there, they started. I like to think he was waiting for us, but I know that it isn't true.
Mads and I caught up on life and stuff over the music.
When we finally headed back home, our voices were mere shreds of their former selves.
It was all okay though.
My boots kept me warm, and mobile.
My umbrella never needed to come out.
Having it with me though, made me feel like I was ready for anything.
Mads said, "This night feels like old times"
Yes it did. Except in old times, my feet would have been hurting from lack of planning the footwear. And in old times, I would have been trying to make something magical happen.
And it never would have.
But tonight, without me trying, a little magic got in all on its own.
When you don't have money (which lately I haven't) and you are on a diet (which currently I am), then it is a good thing that there isn't a lot going on.
This time of calm is nice so I can exercise, get to bed early, and save money. I have actually been cooking. ME!
But I know me.
I just told my friend Lisa that if this state of calm were to be the state of things for awhile, I would get antsy. I need something to shake it up.
(Ever heard of balance, lady? I can hear a neglected inner voice say)
Calm-Excitement-Calm-Excitement...it seems to be the way I live my life.
I liken it to a roller coaster where after the huge hill, you get to catch your breath by looking at the scenery while the ride goes slowly. And then, just as quickly, you are up another hill ready for a freefall.
I feel like I am headed up that hill.
I am feeling the anticipation of what is over that hill.
Mads is getting married soon. My birthday is coming up. And some time this year I want to get to Europe AND visit Sarah Grace in NY.
But the most immediate stuff that is on the horizon starts tonight.
8:00 At Bang Comedy Theatre
It is the Striking Writers Pinata, featuring:
Peter Murrieta, Shawn Schepps (Weeds), Christy Stratton (King of the Hill), Brent Forrester (The Office), Mike Kramer, Laura House and a special essay by Larry Gelbart (of MASH fame).
Tomorrow is Tams's good-bye party
Sat, Sam the Man comes to LA by way of Portland. This should be fun...if not terribly interesting.
I think I should kiss this calm good-bye, or at least tell it that it'll be awhile before we meet again.
Fasten your seat belts kiddos, the hill is approaching and the drop is going to leave you breathless!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
This is the kind of weekend I love.
The kind of weekend I used to have when I am not getting over something: a cold, depression, a relationship gone awry, my anger at not bringing my own bag to Trader Joes or the bag I already bought at IKEA.
Yes, this is the perfect kind of weekend.
Thursday night, Brunhilda, the crazy screaming homeless lady that feels our building's stoop is her anger management class, was at it again.
My neighbor Lisa pointed out that a few weeks ago, Brunhilda used the word "Nipple" at least four times. I didn't really hear the words, but her angry rants ended up in my dreams.
Same thing happened Thursday night. My dreams have been stressful. I don't understand why, since aside from Brunhilda, my life has been becoming increasingly easier.
Friday night, I met Jazzy at her place. She had vodka waiting for me in her uber cozy apartment. Then we headed to my FAVORITE Thai restaurant. It's near Jazzy's. As soon as I suggested that we go there, I couldn't get it out of my head. And once there, my memory served me well. The food was delicious. Jazzy, never prone (*cough*) to overexaggeration said, "This is THE best food I have ever had. EVER!"
We went to the movies at Century City and watched a girly film which was like a nice fizz of champagne for me. Exactly what I wanted.
Today, I hung out with Mads. Beautiful weather, awesome conversation and a trek to a great Vietnamese restaurant downtown made me feel like my old self.
We went to Intelligentsia for coffee in Silver Lake on the way home. We couldn't believe the huge line for coffee. The aroma that wafted out to us reminded me of visiting my grandmother in holland when i was little and I suddenly craved chocolate and cursed the diet I am on. The feeling passed as I enjoyed my latte.
This evening, I headed over to the McCadden Theater to see fellow blogger Kate D in her sketch show, The Hair of the Mangy Dog. The last two sketches had me laughing out loud with wild abandon. I half considered the possibility I was drunk. But I wasn't. It was just that funny.
I headed home and went to the local video store to get Flight of the Conchords (since there is way too long a wait for the first disk on Netflix).
Conversation I overheard while paying:
Dude 1: Dude, so what do you want to watch? [as he flips through Video Hut's book of new releases]
Dude 2: The Bourne movie
Dude 1: How about Family Guy?
Dude 2: um nah
Dude 1: Oh yeah, you aren't interested in Family Guy. Tell you what, I have a ton of weed at the house. That will put you in the mood to watch it for sure.
Me [laughing]: What does that say about me that I like it without getting stoned?
Okay, I really did laugh, but I didn't really say that. I would have though. But at that precise moment, I asked the clerk if they had The Tudors since I had just looked in TV new releases and didn't find it wedged in between Smallville and The Wire.
Real conversation I did actually have:
Me: I guess they are all checked out
Clerk 1: You didn't find it over there?
Me: No, I guess they are ALL checked out.
Clerk 2 who happened to be standing there not saying anything a la Silent Bob walks away from the counter.
I am then listening to the two dudes and planning my retort when Clerk 2 walks up to the counter and artistically and not a little without attitude, lays all the dvd discs for the Tudors in order right in front of me.
Me: What? Where were they?
Clerk 1: Where I said they were.
Me: But, I looked.
Clerk 1 & 2: [no reaction]
Me [to Clerk 2] I looked between S and W and they weren't there
Clerk 2 [shrugs]
Literally...looks at me...and shrugs. And he continued wathching the film they had on in the place.
The two dudes decide on the Bourne movie and I am talking to myself saying things on the way out like, "well I guess I was blind to the Tudors".
Still no reaction from any of them.
But I smiled anyway because I found the whole thing amusing.
I walked back home.
I love this weekend.
I love that there is still tomorrow AND Monday off from work.
I love not getting over something.
Like this is really reality...a little boring but so much more palatable.
And trust me, on this diet, palatable is something I am so into.
And it is carb free, so...you know...there you go.
Today smells like it did when I was little.
Our home in Mar Vista, nestled between Venice and Palms, was in a little suburbia of maybe 20 blocks.
My weekends would be spent making up plays, dancing, watching tv, and writing.
With all the windows open, I could smell the neighbor mowing his lawn and the Chinese lady who lived behind us making egg rolls.
My mom would be gardening.
The first time I head the song "Pleasant Valley Sunday", its lyrics resonated.
My life wasn't quite like the song but there were elements that I could totally relate to.
I don't think of Mar Vista as suburbia in the real sense. Right outisde its borders was the ghetto, gang fights and all kinds of crime. We weren't immune.
But on the weekends, when LA's air smelled a certain way, you would think you were.
Today smells like that.
My windows are open.
The sun is shining.
And everything suddenly seems possible.
My week after the car tow incident has been good. Saw "Persepolis" with Nat which even though I cried and it is kind of sad, is a beautiful movie.
And I went to a party with Reb and Gamby at the Golden Gopher downtown. Sitting in the outside patio looking up at the tall buildings while Reb and I chatted, I felt happy.
This weekend, I also organized the stuff I said I would do over Christmas.
I feel like I am finally getting into the groove of 2008.
The year in which I also resolved to not make so many "shoulds" for myself.
On a day like today, that resolution feels pretty easy to keep.
It's ironic that on a day where I talk to my therapist about certain things like life getting better for me...life takes another turn to test my patience.
Appointments for my achilles tendon, physical therapy, Christmas, blah blah blah have hepled drain my finances.
And then you add in my new tires that needed to be purchased and the repairs on the car - you are looking at a turniquet situation of a bleeding wallet.
The truth is...I have been able to see the bright side of it all.
The tires were bought at the last minute by my dad and the car repairs were able to be handled right before the holidays with money that I had gotten for Christmas. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had the cash. And when my car stopped on the freeway to warrant the repairs, traffic was so slow that no one crashed into me when my car just stopped but still was on. Had the traffic been faster, someone would have plowed into me. But that didn't happen.
And I was grateful.
Today I breathed a sigh of relief that payday only four days a way, I have enough to cover anything that isn't major. Nothing more major can happen, I thought.
I tempted fate.
My therapist asked me why I have struggled with money when I have a degree.
I told her that sometimes beyond your control, the universe sometimes rains shit on you. And that even for all these unexpected expenses, I feel a lot luckier than I did in the past.
Still tempting fate, I was.
Reb wanted motivation to go to the gym. So I told her that when I was going, I would call her and I would swing by and pick her up.
So tonight, that is just what we did.
We found a good parking spot at a meter that didn't have a valet spot for after 6pm.
Then we had a good work-out, all the while, gabbing and doing our cardio, our strength training and our stretches.
In the locker room, I introduced her to a girl I was in my first play with in Portland who acts down here now and we ran into Gamby's friend Drea.
It was a social night and we felt good.
We walked to my car.
Except...it wasn't there.
A new car was in its stead.
I have never had my car stolen.
I have never been towed away.
My mind went blank.
I have NO money at the moment to get a car from the tow yard. But my next thought was...which tow yard.
Right then, a cop pulled up. Reb asked them if I was towed or if my car was stolen. They looked it up on their police system.
Verdict...TOWED. Apparently the signs that looked like they were for the one block, were also for the block I parked on, even though there were no immediate signs in the vicinity.
The tow garage was nearby.
Reb said, "well thank god it wasn't stolen"
"yeah", I blankly replied.
The bright side is that Reb lives walking distance to the gym. So we walked to her place and she gave me a ride to the tow garage.
She also loaned me money to get it out.
Another bright side in this whole thing is REB! Had she not been there to drive me and help pay, it would have been dire.
At present it was annoying, patience-testing and frustrating.
But not dire.
When I finally got my car, there was also a ticket.
I screamed "FUCK ME!" at the top of my lungs.
The guy must be used to that because he didn't seem to take it personally.
I sighed.
I tempted fate somewhere.
I wanted to cry but this night had too many good moments for me to feel too sorry for myself.
But I still called my dad.
"Hello"
"Hi Dad. Dad...when is life gonna start being on my side?"
"What happened"
I told him.
He kind of laughed.
"well, it is always darkest before the dawn, honey, and this is good material for your comedy. The dawn is coming."
Somehow, my dad made me laugh.
"I just feel like such a loser. And my friend must never want to work out with me again," I said.
"You are not a loser. This is just a blip. It's natural to want to feel this way, but shit happens. And as for your friend, I am sure she HAS had better days at the gym that didn't cost her $100, but thank god she was there. This stuff happens. You are usually really conscientious about this stuff so don't worry."
He was right. And I feel a little better. But I still hate the struggle.
Especially on my diet. All I want to do is eat and on top of all this, I have to be responsible about what I eat. (*I have lost 10 pounds already!)
I am grateful for all the good that has come with the bad. I am just really starting to wonder how much lemonade I am supposed to make from all these lemons. Granted they are really sweet lemons, but I would be really happy if I started to receive some apple juice or something.
Universe...I am talking to you.
We had a party at Evren's. It was inititally thought to be a party that would merge Evren's single friends with all of our single friends. What it was was Evren, two single guys, three couples and the rest...very good looking single women. Evren looked at me and laughed, "It looks like we are light on the guys. Sorry, my friends are flakes."
I had to laugh too. It was a pretty funny sight.
I had a good time though despite the lack of male lips to kiss on the turn of the year.
Lots of confetti, noisemakers and photos of the blackmailable variety.
And so far this year is alright. A little residual ick from 2007 that I didn't bank on but the new year is still pretty new.
I went to the AFI screening at the Arclight last night of Sweeney Todd where there was a Q&A of Tim Burton afterwards. I will be the first to admit...I cannot stomach horror/slasher/macabre/gory movies. I like the themes of darkness...but the actual visuals make me a little nauseated. I looked at Gamby and said, "I think I am going to throw up". I said it several times. And I meant it.
Although it could have been the fact that I have started the low carb diet yet again (see above - photos of the blackmailable variety - me not looking as great as I thought I did contrary to Gamby reassuring me that ALL the pictures looked horrible of me and I really looked better in real life).
Into my first week of the diet. Doing pretty well.
But then you add in a musical with a lot of blood and throat slashing...I almost lost my cookies.
Visually and acting-wise, I liked it. But seeing as how I am looking for something lighthearted and optimistic, this maybe wasn't the right movie for my mood. And the rain last night came down in buckets. Running from the Cineramadome back to the lobby was treacherous. Some man yelled at Gamby at me "Don't stop! Keep running!" because we were submerged in puddles and were stopping to see the least deep spots while he ran behind us sans umbrella. The vodka soda Gamby bought me helped brighten my mood a ton and warmed my insides that I didn't notice my nice straight hair had turned a little Rosanna Dana.
Today, as the rain poured intermittently outside my window, I watched "Network" for the first time.
What an amazing movie! But again with choosing the wrong film for my mood.
Where did I put that vodka?
ha ha ha...
Tomorrow is storytelling night at Zappy's. It has been a month since the Burning Man party debacle. Growth I suppose. I miss the guy. I don't miss feeling the bomb drop on me. So I could look at it as a month of evolving towards my goals of handling bad situations.
And getting out of bad relationships.
I am getting very good at that.
The trick is to not get INTO so many.
Hmmmmm....
The rain is really coming down out there and I feel it washing away some of the residue of last year.
Slowly.
But cleansing nonetheless.