April 28, 2005

Separated At Birth

I have a raspy voice.
I have always had it.
When I was little, I would talk and out of this blonde bubbly kid would come this raspy deep voice. People would always laugh.
Must be when I knew that I wanted to be a comic.
My dad would say he hoped I would sing like Stevie Nicks.

One day, I found that I could. You know...sing like her. Sort of.
I always thought that if I were to meet her, she would be like, "Hey, you are a lot like me".

I also thought that David Letterman would fall madly in love with me because I resemble Teri Garr and he was supposedly married to her. So don't put THAT much stock into my fleeting fantasies from way back when.

I didn't particularly have an opinion about Stevie except that I sounded like her and that I liked a lot of the music from Fleetwood Mac.

Boyboss is listening to Fleetwood Mac today. I am happy about it.

It made me think of the VH1 behind the music on them and how all these artists were like, "Stevie changed how women were perceived in rock and roll.", "She paved the way.", etc.

I always thought people thought she was a kooky wiccan lady who slept with everyone in her band and who could write songs and had a unique voice, but was a bit nutty.

How cool to know that she was such a pioneer. That, or people like Sheryl Crowe were just trying to get camera time. Who knows.

I remember during my radio-dj groupie days, I would hang with this dj from a classic rock station. His name was Tim.
He had met Stevie back stage at a concert.
"What was she like?" I asked.
"She was nice, but she had put powder all over her chest and her shoulders and her arms. It had even gotten on her face. I was like, 'Hi nice to meet you Stevie, need some more powder?' I wondered why she needed soo much powder. At first I thought she would blend it in to her skin, but she just sort of left it there in big powdery blotches all over herself."

It always made me think she was a bit removed from reality.

Whenever I put on powder, however, I think, "What if someone who I had never met, saw me right now and saw that the powder I put on while getting ready in the bathroom had fallen to the ground and because of that powder on the ground,they would see my white footprints on the wood floor in the living room? They would probably think I was weird too."

Yeah, Stevie and I are like twins separated at birth.
And on some level, even if she never knows it, I do.
And that gives me a warm, raspy voice fuzzy right in my throat.
Or a warm powdery shimmer right on my chest, shoulders and face.

Posted by Kirsten at 01:58 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2005

I Passed My Driver's Test At Least

When I took my driving test to get my license, it was summer and I was visiting my dad.
The receptionist at my dad's tennis club, Gwynneth, loaned us her car after several snafus involving the car I was supposed to drive had occurred.
Gwynneth had no idea of my summer long history of car damage and was therefore very willing to offer me her silver station wagon so that I could take the driver's test.
I took it. I passed.
On the way back to return Gwynneth's car, my dad filled up the tank and had it washed.
He didn't want me to tell her.
He wanted to do it just to be nice.
But I was like, "she won't even notice you are being nice. You gotta tell her".
But he was adamant that I don't tell her.
I still told her.
Which pissed him off.
But I couldn't help it.

I have always wanted to be the kind of person that would be soo magnanimous that the credit wouldn't matter to me.
But I have yet to achieve that.
Kind of like that Seinfeld episode where George wants the counter person to see him tip. Because if they don't see it, they will never know you were that generous.
I know I know...it is totally ego fueled.
But I never claimed to be devoid of ego, so sue me.

So when I was in NY, I bought cute little t-shirts and stuff for my niece and nephew. I also made a really cool mixed cd for my sister.
I sent it through DHL at work (we get a really good rate on shipping) to Germany. I was excited that I wasn't telling her to expect it. I was just going to send it and let it go. How cool that she would get this surprise and be like, "Man, Kirsten kept this a secret. Wow."

A couple of days after she was supposed to have received it, I checked the tracking number. They had tried to deliver it several times but couldn't for some reason.
Well, now I needed to call her. Find out what the dealio was.

Now of course the surprise had been ruined.
And she still hadn't gotten it.
Through many pitfalls and misunderstandings, it had been attempted several times to be delivered but now they thought she didn't live there.

Thank god, in a way that I had called her so I could get ahold of DHL and figure it all out.

But now it has all been blown out of proportion and we are all on look-out for whether this little insignifigant package will arrive.

Such a bummer when you try and move on to the next level of being a zen human and you find out that you couldn't pass the test, because you totally missed the essay question on the back page.
Which means you have to start all over again.

I thought I had grown so much. Oy.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:01 PM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2005

Worry Wart 101 Has Been Cancelled

My apartment is in such a state.
My dishes and junk mail are piling up.
My plants are like, "uh....are you gonna feed us or what?"
I haven't done laundry in awhile.
My hair didn't turn out the way I had planned.
But I am releasing the little worry wart in me.
It does me no good.
So when I set it free, it sort of meant I didn't get bugged by the small shit.
Those details can really kill you.
And I plan to be around awhile.

PS -
Laura I hope you had a fabulous rehearsal

Posted by Kirsten at 05:17 PM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2005

Telling it like it is

Tonight, I am participating in a focus group.
I will make an easy $65. By watching tv.
And then giving my opinion on it.
Now if I could find a way to get paid to eat chocolate and then give my opinion on it. That would be something.

I had a wonderful class yesterday. It was the last one of the session.
I was nervous to read my pages because there had been so much praise at my idea two weeks ago that my anxiety kicked in...what if me being funny and my idea being good was a fluke?

Finally, I had to just read it.
And I thought, I can't worry if the teacher who had liked my material to begin with, will suddenly think I am a tardo.
I can't worry that the people in class (even the clunkers) go, wow, she totally wasted our time.
I can't worry about any of this. Just read and learn and be open.

I read. And they laughed. And I made smart ass comments. And they laughed.
And no one had that look on their face like, "dios mio, shut her up".

Maybe they did, but at that moment, I was seeing everything through, "Yippee, I made it" glasses and nothing could bring me down.

I knew going into the first class that nothing that I have to say is new. Nothing that I am talking about is a revelation. I just know that weird things have happened to me and I need to use the humor to make them okay for me and that people seem to laugh and relate.
And that reminded me of why I needed to do a one woman show in the first place 10 years ago.

It is going to be a process. But I am sooo going to try and enjoy the process and not worry about the results.

On another note...black homeless men love me. I know that sounds really conceited but they do.
I think they think I will know where the food is.

I have had some of them cry out..."I will take the big one" about me. I have had some of them walk into a coffee shop and talk to my chest as if it would talk back to them.
Some of them praise my booty. Some of them try and stop me from going to my gym. Some of them sing to me. Actually several have sung to me.
And last night...it happened yet again.
Mads, Jazzy and I were walking back to our car in Silverlake after dinner and this homeless guy with very few teeth asked us for money. We gave him what change we had.
He began to serenade us.
I was actually closer to the car than Mads and Jazzy were.
But lo and behold...he zeroed in on me.
He couldn't take his eyes off of me. He got closer. And asked me to sing the chorus of "Tell it like it is" with him. Mads and Jazzy crooned along with him to try and take the heat off of me but it was no use. He kept moving closer to me. It was like something bad would happen to him if he were to have averted his eyes in any direction.

I wish I had that kind of intensity when it came to my writing.

I think we heard the entire song 3 times. He just kept singing it without taking a break.
Jazzy said, "It was like he was on a loop".

He was definitely on a loop.

But Mads, being ever the optimist, said, "Well, it was a sign. We need to heed the lyrics of that song."

And they were:
"Life is too short to have sorrow
You may be here today and gone tomorrow
You might as well get what you want
So go on and live, baby go on and live
Tell it like it is"

Mads was right. The man spoke the truth.
Right on Right on.

Posted by Kirsten at 06:32 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2005


So, I have been feeling like dating again.
I have been feeling a little flirtier and more attractive and I think dating would be fun (don't hold this against me when later I am like, "dating still SUCKS!" because I will deny I ever wrote that it was fun.)

So after hearing how many people enjoy Match.com (which for my taste, it has never been my internet date site of choice) and have found their soul mates or at the least, hot bootie calls from there, I was like, what the heck.

I signed up.

And then I realize, my friends who found love from this site that I was listening to are nothing like me. They are normal, nice people who lack a sense of humor. They are people who are looking for basic relationships. Sure they are in committed loving unions, but they are more how do I say...normal, kind of boring, status quo by-the-book relationships. Oops, in addition to just judging my friends, I think I have made a mistake in signing up. The first guy that wrote me doesn't get me at ALL. He is that guy that writes all the new women on the site. *sigh*. Maybe I wasn't quite ready for internet dating again. We will see.

I am so not about the normal. And yet I could be...if it came wrapped in fun, exciting and abnormal. Maybe i want too much of a "different" thing. But I guess I know it when I see it. It can't hurt to go back on the dating merry-go-round.
It isn't like the guy has to be dangerous. I have already dated that. And it isn't that I don't like safe and comfortable. I mean, well, I don't know...I actually have never had that. Maybe that scares me. My opinion is that the men I date have to be as cool or cooler than my friends. I hang with some pretty amazing, simulating, smart, interesting, engaging people. If a guy can't bring that to the table, then I am settling.

Mads and I went out with Zapato and Tripod to this great sushi place and then on to a record realease party kind of thing in Silverlake.

Then on to House of Pies.

When I dropped Mads off to her car, we talked for awhile and she said, "I hope I am not getting jaded"
Me: "We are totally jaded, but that is not a bad thing. We are not as innocent or blindly hoping as we may have been. We have been through a lot this past couple of years. Dating has run us around ragged. Relationships have tested us. So yes, we are jaded...but we are still optimistic... and that...that we can never lose."

And I believe that. We are still hopeful. But now we are seeing men through the eyes of women rather than through the eyes of girls.

Posted by Kirsten at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2005


Tuesday was so necessary to have had off from work to recover from the trip.
Yesterday was very very busy at work. But I sort of took it in stride.

Today is equally busy. Lots o'drama here at work. Friends of mine are all caught up in it all. Just trying to get all my work done while still being a good friend. One of my crazy (not in a good way) co-workers is overdramatizing the fact that she is getting sick. Her sneezes which make everything tremble in the building are followed by a "I am going to kill whoever got me sick - ughhhhh" sort of comment. We are all laughing about it now because you know...you laugh out of nervousness when a crazy person contemplates murder.

Just spoke to Candace who I just adore. I can't wait to talk more with her at length.

Must do my homework tonight. I really think this show could ACTUALLY happen.
I mean, this is the most disciplined about a full fledged committment than I have ever been.

Going on the 6 week challenge again in a few weeks. Saw the pics from NY and was like, "Uh, yeah, I look better, but I could FABULOUS".

And I am gonna.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:55 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2005

I took a bite from the apple

I am home.
And it is colder here than it was in NY.
So much happened.
It was a wonderful wonderful trip.
Stayed out 'till 4am every night. Had pizza at 3am every night on the way home.
Used that lip balm afterall and my lips weren't even chappy. Crazy thing was his name was David. But he wasn't THE David for me, just a practice one.
For those who don't know...Finding David is my one woman show. If you don't know the story, email me...or come see the show when it is finally finished.
Boys were fun. Even the whimpsters in NY do more in their whimpsterish state than they do in LA.

The weather was superb. The place we stayed was in the most prime spot on Bleeker street in the Village. I didn't run out of money (whew!).
I saw a musical, I walked all over Central Park, I had a love affair with cuisine, I took the subway, I took cabs, I walked.
I wore a scarf and boots, I wore a skirt and a tank top, I wore some sunblock and wore some bronzer at night.

We met up with old friends and met some new ones. Went to Brooklyn to see the band Ambulance, ltd and also stumbled on to a Liverpudlian band called the Stands. Partied all over town...from the Meat Packing District to Union Square.

I laughed a lot, I saw a lot, I was inspired a lot. I had one of the best vacations EVER!

Even the little bumps were just little bumps and became fodder for good stories.

From the conversation with the cabbie after the red-eye to the quick trip to the Magnolia Bakery in the West Village before heading back to JFK, it was magical.

Pictures to come.

Posted by Kirsten at 11:36 AM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2005

Leaving Oranges for Apples

Well folks, after a day of getting everything prepared for homework, work, travel, and for my cat, I am finally ready to leave for the big apple.

My ipod is working again. I have a lot of lip balm for the chappy weather and just in case I meet some beautiful new york boys who need a kiss.
My laundry is clean, boots are fixed, hair is washed and straightened and looking very "hmmmm mmmmmm" (if I don't say so myself).

I am packed.

Life is great.

Talk back at you on Tuesday

Posted by Kirsten at 04:51 PM | Comments (0)

April 13, 2005

The Lyrics of Life thru Itunes

I sit here at my laptop downloading songs I just got from Itunes to add to my Ipod for the trip.
But my ipod is not working for some reason.
I go to all the websites to troubleshoot.
Realize it still is today and that until midnight, those 2 dirty words from my previous post are still at hand.
The only solution for my little ipod is to let the battery drain.
This will not worry me.
Anything I bring energy to gets bigger.
So I will not focus on it.
But it gnaws at me.
So I sit and still download all these new songs that I have been keeping on a list for some time now.

One of them, Michael Penn's "Out of My Hands" reminds me somehow of my exchange year in Switzerland. I don't know why exactly but I keep playing it. And I think about how innocent I was then and how the world sort of unfolded in a maze of wonder before me.
I met amazing people like the Swiss ambassadors to Korea who took me on a ski vacation to Davos where I kissed one of Sweden's Olympic hockey team's players named Sven. We kissed in the snow after the disco closed and we vowed to keep in touch. We never did.

Opportunities of all kinds were so plentiful and I took all of them.
Makes me wonder when I will have another time like that.
Hopefully soon.

Then I hear Johnny Lang's "Breaking Me" and think of living in Portland with Debbie and how acting was my entire life...along with envy and getting over Victor.
Then there is a Tanita Tikaram song that my first college boyfriend put on a mix tape for me. I don't know exactly why I downloaded it. it doesn't bring the best memories. But it does bring me some solice that a song can stay the same but the meaning behind the emotion elicited can either stay the same or change. In this case, it changed.
I was such a different person then.

I also picked Bad Religion's "Los Angeles is Burning" because no matter how many times I hear that song, it makes me want to dance and harmonize and break something.

I downloaded Nirvana's cover of "The Man Who Sold the World". That elicits so many emotions on so many levels it just cannot be summed up in words.
I also picked Lizzie West's "Chariots Rise" which is the song that they play in "Secretary" where James Spader takes Maggie Gyllenhaal upstairs to be bathed.
I think that is such a sexy scene. I love that movie.

My fingers hurt as I have been at the computer for so many hours. Catching up on reading blogs has drained me but I somehow cannot get my butt to bed. I feel like my legs have gone numb. "Just Shoot Me" is on in the background on mute and I pray that my little Ipod will get better so that I may have the listening pleasure of all my new purchases for my trip.

Sweet dreams all you late night readers and good morning to the rest of you.

Posted by Kirsten at 12:27 AM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2005

The Planets Are Right Again

Mercury Retrograde is almost over.
And it isn't leaving without a fight. Today is its last day.
After many arguments with boyboss about those two words for the past few weeks, I thought today would be like a drawing-to-a-close of this phenomenon that has seemed particularly intense this time around.

But I was wrong. Today felt like it was in one tough cookie of stress and miscommunications.

This morning, Marci came in beaming in her new prairie skirt and bed-head hair after her 5 day weekend with new boyfriend.
Something glittery on her finger alerted us as to how well her time off had been spent.
In the past year, "I think he is the ONE!" had been uttered countless times with each new prospect, we were dubious about this one.
But I think she may have found her soul mate.
The gossipy chit chat of us office hens was short-lived when all at once, our bosses, sensing that we were not doing our work had simultaneous emergencies.

My new girlboss (who is becoming eerily similar to vilegirl boss in many ways except for the passive aggressivity) had just taken a 5 day weekend as well and was back and needed "catch up" information on things.

I just wasn't in the mood to be friendly.
You betcha.
But as mercury is about communication, nothing at the moment is clear. Misunderstandings abound. Call me superstitious, but I am sure as hell not mailing in my return until tomorrow.

By afternoon, I could feel the planets coming back to normal. I could feel a pull of the travel bug more than I could the misunderstandings and technical hi-jinxes of the past few weeks.

After a work filled morning, this afternoon allowed some time for me to think about NY.
Mads and I talked briefly the restaurants we will go to and the things we want to do.
Mostly, we are there to soak up the city's energy.
Ahhhh. I can hardly wait.
I love LA. But I always need to get away from it just for a little bit.
Esp. to Ny. Museums, Eastcoast boys, amazing cuisine, shopping, the tall tall buildings and all the people watching.

I had lunch with Rere who is planning her trip to Spain. She will be gone 7 weeks to walk the El Camino Santiago road. It is a very personal, spiritual walk that I hope to do some day. But I am definitely not ready to do it at this time in my life.

But Rere will be there for her 40th birthday and is getting so excited about the trip, that it is making me want to go even though I am not quite ready for it.

All of us in the department are like advertisements for the travel industry. Carrie is going to Paris, Marci just came back from wine country but is so journey-ready, she could be going anywhere soon. She is after all, a flight attendant's daughter with a spontaneity that is unmatched.
And Tania is about to go to New Zealand with her new baby.
We have all been bitten by the travel bug.
Marci looked at me and said, "Something magical is happening to all of us. Can't you see it? Can't you feel it? We are all moving on to the next phase of our lives."

I do feel it.

I get a little warm fuzzy right there just thinking about it.

And I don't think it is heartburn.

It must be something bigger than all of us at hand.

The planets are almost right again.

Yes, that must definitely be it.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:22 PM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2005

That Time of Year

So this weekend flew by.
Sat was all errands and appointments that I had been procrastinating.
I met up with my writing partner Leslie.
Her house is amazing and has a view of downtown. On such a clear day like Saturday, it was like you could reach out and touch the buildings.

Then I met up with Mads, Jazzy, Evren, Zapato and Tripod for dinner and Taylor's Steak house.
Not being much of a beef eater, I think everyone was surprised to see me order the London Broil. It was delicious.

Then we went to the Prince in Koreatown.

A nice night with friends I hadn't seen in awhile.

Jazzy gave some good news about our trip to NY. A friend of hers is able to get us tix to see a broadway play when we are there. I am so excited.

Sunday, I was just not feeling that great.
I tried to do my taxes since I had been putting them off until now.
I found that I am going to have to pay. PAY!!!!! A lot!!!!
I was so pissed.
I wasn't excited about going to class as it was (from last week's clunker-fest) and now I was in a really foul mood.

But once I got to class, my teacher loved my idea. This particular idea had been emailed to him on a whim because I had procrastinated on the homework.
But now... I actually have an idea for my show. A good idea.
In class, we worked on problem areas for it and came up with a more formed idea. I am so thrilled.

After class, I was like, "Why was I so upset about the taxes? Things are great"

Mads came over and tried to help me with my taxes and no matter what we did
Crunched numbers, ate numbers, played with numbers, bought numbers a prostitute...no matter what we tried...the amount always came out the same.

I decided to not let it get to me.

And it didn't.

I slept well.

Work has been good.

Lunch was tasty.

And the weather is gorgeous.

I wish everyone were this lucky (but without having to pay the taxes I do...that still burns my hide, goddamnit).

Waiting until the 23rd hour is what I do best. I should know it comes with risks.
With my show it worked out.
With the taxes...not so much.

Oh well. 'tis all a part of the Procrastination game I guess.
I suppose I could learn to be more prepared....
But then where is the fun in that? (she said sarcastically as her fingers wrote a check to the IRS...where is the fun indeed).

Posted by Kirsten at 05:39 PM | Comments (0)

Comma Chameleon

I am a grammar hound. And a spelling hound. But due to the internet and text messaging generation, we are all in such a hurry to get the info out quickly (see that? info...not information...I am THAT busy).

Grammar makes a difference.

Like in the sentence:
Woman without her man is nothing.
Add a comma and it becomes:
Woman, without her, man is nothing.


What is that in the road ahead?
What is that in the road, a head?

Don't get me wrong, I make my share of mistakes. My boss hates that I don't always use spell check.
I get it.
We all make spelling mistakes.
It doesn't always have to do with intelligence.

I mean like I said..I make plenty of mistakes.
BUT I also judge when other people make mistakes.

I am a harsh motherfucker. That is right. I am a harsh, hypocritical, judgmental, sensitive-to-others'-judgments mother fucker.

Having said that...I saw this posting at the laundromat.
I tried not to judge. But it made me laugh.

"Spanish Building with 2 BR to share. Walking closets, a lost of windows...nice. I am looking for a professional, responsible and easygoing roommate who is gay friendly. No pets, no drugs, none smokers, no party's."

Did I judge it? Oh yeah. Couldn't be helped. I mean come ON: "walking closets and a lost of windows".

I am going to hell.
That is...if I believed in it.
And since I don't, screw it.

Mwa ha ha ha

And if you noticed any grammatical or spelling errors on this post, don't tell me...I don't care.
Like I said...I am a harsh mother fucker.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:18 PM | Comments (0)

April 08, 2005

End of the Week Blah Blah

The weather is stunning.
My cat woke me up by attacking me arm. Must be the crazy wind that has her all bizarre.
She isn't quite normal as it is. A change in the weather makes her downright nuts.

Tonight I am working out with Carrie and then going to Electric Lotus where she will help me delve into the deepest recesses of my brain for my show. Or we will just drink, throw some questions around and call it a night.

By the way, on America's Next Top Model, the gals got out of control and started dancing on the tables at the Electric Lotus. Tsk, tsk...I love the vibe of that place, but it would have been hard to enjoy it with several half naked drunk bims screaming.

My sister told me that she will be coming to America around the same time that I was going to be in Europe. So I have rearranged my plans. Now I can go to Portland for Laura's wedding, still see my sis with family in tow and go to europe my favorite time of year to be in Europe...winter.

This weekend I am doing taxes, dieting, meeting with my writing partner, going to class, doing my homework and getting things for NY.

I atually thought it would be a quiet weekend but that looks like a lot.

I am excited about NY.
We are taking the red eye next Thursday. Staying in the Village right on Bleeker street. Ahhh.
I can't wait. I think it is a good time to take a break from LA.

Must go and request the temp that will sit at my desk in my stead.

Posted by Kirsten at 04:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 06, 2005

Beginning of the Week Blah Blah

Last night went to El Coyote with Mads, Jazzy and Denise.
It is always nice to hang out there with my friends. That is a place that I went a lot my first year in LA, while working for big name director.
Just the smell in there takes me back.
And I see how far I have come.

Before I joined them, I watched the DVD of "What the Bleep Do We Know?"
It posed some interesting ideas and questions that I would like to look into further. But aside from the movie being filmed in Portland (which was pretty cool to see), I didn't really like it. It felt like a high school science film at times.

This morning I could not for the life of me get up. But I had to because I had parked on the street sweeping side of the street.

I came into work early.
On Indie 103.1's morning show, they had Tig on there. She is a comic that I saw at Christy's last Tastemaker salon.
I was like, "Tig? How many people are named Tig?"
And then she started talking and I recognized her voice.
I started thinking of the people I would have to email when I got into work to tell that to.
Which helped me procrastinate my homework for class.
Why am I a self sabatoger?
Why why why?

Then on the radio show they played a Rod Stewart song.
My hope was that it would be the hand bag and gladrag song that the BBC "The Office"'s theme song is from. But then I was like, Right. Why would they play that?
And sure enough, they did.
And I smiled really big because I love that song.
And then it reenforced my love for the Office (british one).
And I realized that I must do my homework at lunch today because it is only creativity, brainstorming, producing projects, performing, that truly feeds me.
I love love, sex, chocolate, a good cry, animals, driving fast and good friends. They are all wonderful reasons to be alive.
But Creativity is why I am here and I must commit to that so that I can live they way I want to.

Posted by Kirsten at 09:32 AM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2005

Watch Me Pull Confidence Out Of My Hat

The mind is an amazing magician.
Sometimes, with the slightest of hand, it can change your emotion or the way you perceive yourself PRESTO CHANGE-O.

It has been two weeks since I last weighed in at the gym.
Last week I was sick.
And I have been eating pretty well, but still not really thinking about going back on the diet.

I weighed yesterday.

I have actually lost a quarter pound (not quarter pounder thank you)!
My metabolism and I are finally in a healthy relationship.
I give a little.
It gives a little.
I allow it to have times to regroup.
It allows me to be me and indulge in my affair with chocolate.

Before I weighed in, I was sure I had gained 5 pounds. And I was feeling dowdy.
When I found out that I had actually LOST, I felt like such a hottie.

My mind plays tricks on me something fierce, I tell you.

I am a dramatic mess most of the time.

But now I am a dramatic mess who has lost a quarter pound.

And the audience goes crazy with the mind's latest trick.
The girl believes in herself again. Woo hoo.

And before it can change back, I pay my bar tab and get the hell out while self confidence is still reigning.

Posted by Kirsten at 02:11 PM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2005

Where is it going?

Where has this day gone?

Wrote 3 posts that I deleted because they seemed like garble.

Not sure of even what I wanted write. Which is part of my major problem with my class.
What is my story? What is my mood?
Am I the hero or the asshole.

Spoke to my friend Laura from Portland today who is helping me brainstorm for my creative endeavor. Awesome questions you sent by the way.

Been working hard all day. Looked at the clock and saw that it is the end of the day.

Did we really only lose an hour?
I feel like I lost much more.
But what?
I dunno...it's lost.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:31 PM | Comments (0)

April 03, 2005

We Lost An Hour...

I wrote a whole entry on how grumpy I was today.
But in the middle of writing it, my friend Sarge called and I told him about it (don't think he was so keen to hear it) and realized that I didn't need to write about it anymore.

But what I do need is to spend some alone time with my ideas so I will have a brilliant idea to write a show about.

And since we lost an hour of daylight, time is even more precious.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend that I hadn't spoken to in 3 years.

We grew up together in Mar Vista. Leigh and I have known each other since we were 5 years old. And 3 years ago, I ended it.

And yesterday, we saw each other again. And it took us four hours to catch up with each other.

She made pancakes in her new apartment. She showed me pics of her twin neice and nephew. She filled me in on what has befallen her family since we last spoke. And I filled her in on everything. Then we grabbed lunch and sat on the beach in the beautiful sun.

I had been really nervous about my decision to reconnect but yesterday was wonderful. It is like I got a piece of my life back that I was unsure was missing.

Another circle has closed. I swear it is happening a lot.

Posted by Kirsten at 04:42 PM | Comments (0)

April 01, 2005

Circle Game

You know how long I have been here at my job?
Almost 3 years.
And you know what? I started when boyboss was on ELO in his cd collection.
We are now currently on ELO again.
That is how many cds he has.
He plays them in alphabetical order. And it has taken almost 3 years for him to go around his collection once.
So a cycle has completed itself.

You know how long I have lived in my current apartment?
Almost 5 years.
I think other than the house in Venice where I grew up, I have never lived anywhere that long. Even once we moved to Oregon. I was a teenager and only lived there for 3 years before I moved to Europe.

Crazy. And I still never feel complete anywhere.
I never get that "I am the grand pooba and know the lay of the land feel"
I wonder why not.
Hmmm. Curious. Maybe I am always looking for the next step. Like leaving the current phase before it is finished so I can get to the next step.
When you live your life like that, sometimes, it feels like you leave a lot of cycles incomplete.

But lately, I feel a lot of closure. A lot of cycles coming to completion.
And that feels good.

I hope I am nearing the end of this cold cycle.
My brain is on cold medicine fizz.
Yesterday I seized. And today I sneezed.
Okay that was sooooo cheesy. But chalk it up to the cold medicine fizz. I just had to. You understand. And if you don't, go fart.

When you are sick, you get that sort of dough face. I hate that.
I have that.
And I don't like it. Looking in the mirror, I feel sorry for myself as if I were looking at a stranger. Poor dough faced girl with the the crack addict hair. Poor thing. I rub my eyes and smear the mascara. I am a beauty.
Oh yeah.

On the good news front, we gals got a place to stay in NY.
After exhausting all hotel options, we were looking at places on craigslist and still not having any luck.
Apparently the week we are going is THE MOST busy weekend there ever was and everything and I mean EVERYTHING is booked.
But now we have a place.
We are so excited.

Mads just called and she was at the Farmer's Market.
After I had just finished telling her how I was staying home to rest tonight, she mentioned ice cream.
And like a child who hears the ice cream truck's warbly song, I said, "Oh tonight? Are you getting ice cream tonight?"
Mads: "What? Aren't you staying home and resting tonight?"
Me: "Yes, but ice cream is very healing"
Mads: "No, I was talking about right now. I am at the Farmer's Market looking at the ice cream now."
Me: "ohhhhh"

Turns out she didn't get the ice cream. Maybe we will tonight.
Does ice cream make the sick dough face doughier? I know it makes the dough on your legs doughier. But ice cream....mmmmmm.

I must give a shout out to Dianne Martin. Thank you so much for the book. I can't wait to read it. I have been parading it all over the office. Many of us need to be more intention-minded.

So as I type this with puffy dough faced eyes peering over the flaps of my cheeks, I can hear boyboss's ELO wafting out into my cubicle-land.

And with a very strong heart and a healthy release of fear, I close out one circle. And I enter a new one. This one will be so awesome.
Just you wait.

Posted by Kirsten at 05:26 PM | Comments (0)