It wasn't Halloween yet.
But this weekend saw celebrations begin early all over this town.
Mine started on Sat morning where I went to brunch with my crew.
Ate amazing food. Saw Nicky Hilton there.
A little boy in a spiderman costume came up to Jazzy and me and put his arms around us as if to say, "Hey Ladies...come into my web". It was surreal. We couldn't stop laughing because he was like 8 years old but already knew how to charm the gals.
Went out with Jazzy, Tamara and Zappy in our Halloween costumes Sat night.
We ended up at a party with and I don't think I am exaggerating here, ALL the prostitutes, porn stars and strippers from LA.
It didn't matter the costume...all of them consisted of a short skirt, fishnets, a petticoat and a bustier. Snow White, nurse, french maid, Alice in Wonderland, Bar Wench, Pirate lady, they all look the same.
We saw some pretty cool costumes...."JFKFC" (his front was colonel sanders and the back of him was a suit with a JFK mask). There were several Borats, a Bob's Big Boy, a Jack Skellington on 8 feet high stilts, and a ton of Captain Jack Sparrows.
A palm reader at the party told me that I build up boundaries just to take them down and it keeps me in a state of chaos.
No one else wanted their palms read so we ended up at a bar and then at Swingers for some Mac'N'Cheese.
One guy came in as Lloyd Dobbler (trench coat and a boom box). He was very happy I knew what he was.
And his happiness made me happy.
As did the mac'n'cheese in my belly.
I had a date Friday night with the King Whimpster of them all.
He was a hilarious actor with amazing comic timing when he was performing but in person he was an Eeyore.
But the best thing to come out of it was that I realized that I have been saying "delineate" when I meant something else.
So on our date, I said, "It just delineated into-"
"You mean devolve"
"What?"
"You mean devolve, not delineate."
"You are RIGHT! Fuck. For the past 6 months I have been saying delineate and it didn't feel right. But I couldn't think of a better word."
"Devolve is a good word"
"Yes. Thank you."
And I meant it. And normally I don't like being corrected in those situations because I try and choose my words carefully, but in this case, I had evolved into the kind of person who could take the correction and appreciate it.
Unfortunately, the date had devolved into something resembling a bad Woody Allen flick.
So I left.
I got my first "Get off Jdate" mail.
Here is what the 50 year old lady from NY who describes herself as "loving" wrote to me:
"Meeting Jewish men
Message: You seem to have a lot to offer, by why come and try to meet a Jewish man? It is very difficult and painful for children of mixed marriages, did you ever think of that>
Do yourself a lot of favor and look for a good Christian man who will adore you.
The Dutch people were not good to the Jews, and still are not.
It is said; Dogs and cats do not sleep together. the same with us,
look always for your own kind.
Good luck!"
Now granted, I understand that I am a non-Jew on a Jewish site. But this is a site that took my money for me to be on it. To post and date, which I have been quite prolifically. She and I aren't even dating the same men in the same age range in the same state. But I have offended her. Because I am fabulous and she wishes she were. It must be hard.
I know much worse could have been said to me and that much worse has been said and done to people throughout history in the name of keeping a race, religion, heritage, etc. in tact and pure and not "mixing it up", but it still jarred me a little.
When I told one of the guys from the site that I am dating about it, he said, "We should have an affair just to show her that it's okay."
I am glad humor can come out of an email like that.
Or at least a good affair.
Last night on one of the syndicated episodes of "Sex and the City", the theme was regarding faking intimacy.
And it was kind of interesting because it is exactly what I had been discussing with Jazzy recently.
How in my world of meeting people in sound bites at parties or on myspace or the various dating sites, you only get moments with people. People who are just as busy as you and just as caught up in their lives as you are and even though there was a connection, the work that follows the connection is far messier and far more work than you want to put in.
How when you are IM'ing (especially) or talking on the phone or emailing or texting...or or or whatever you are doing that simulates real commumication, it is easy to get caught up in a fantasy. Not a kinky one.
Just a relationshippy one.
Everyone wants to find love.
Everyone knows how they think it should look or feel.
And everyone does it for a brief time and makes it feel real.
Because it is easy. It is the easiest part of meeting someone....allowing the new-ness wash over you in cartoon hearts and flowers.
I can't even tell you how many times while emailing, or IMing or talking on the phone, I have heard "Okay, sweetheart, I will see you soon." or "Love you...kisses" from people I have met maybe once or sometimes not at all.
Of course, you may meet them and one or both of you never needs to see the other again.
We needed that dopamine shot of what a relationship feels like.
I have learned not to say those kind of sweet nothings on the phone because I will not say things that I don't mean. But it doesn't stop me from feeling the little high you get from hearing it - even if my more cynical side is rolling its eyes.
But the truth is that I don't know if I have ever gotten down and dirty into the real feelings that a real relationship requires.
I think I have been just as superficial as some of these guys are.
I think many of us have.
It is kind of natural.
Especially living in LA, where you focus first on your career and second on your personal life.
Where you can always be replaced by someone younger, richer, prettier, thinner, more successful, blah blah blah...
So you make those fake intimacy moments count.
Only I want the real moments now.
I think I am ready.
I don't really know what it takes to make a relationship work as an adult. I haven't really had the chance since all my encounters have been short lived, chaos and drama induced mini movie versions of relationships.
Lots of anguish.
Lots of passion.
Lot of crazy excitement.
Lots of tears.
No security. No regular breathing...Only bated breath....
will he call?
I hope he does.
I pray he doesn't.
Is he with someone else?
Will he find out I am with someone else?
Is this considered a break up if we weren't a "real" couple?
I haven't played "house" but I have played "relationship".
I haven't faked a lot in my life.
But I have faked this kind of intimacy.
And I would like to think that I can learn not to fake it anymore.
Even though that means I may reveal things to myself and to someone else that might not be pretty or planned or what I think should be shown, I think the time to unmask is now.
It's kind of ironic...unmasking right before Halloween.
This year, I will be going as an adult.
Okay, an adult who is dressed like a cat...but you get my overly dramatic point I think.
Claire couldn't make it to Pilates last night but we did talk on the phone briefly.
I told her about my date Sunday night.
She said, "You haven't blogged about it".
Which was true.
Mostly because how many times have I written that I had a good date, only to complain about what weirdos they are not much later?
But it was a good date.
We went to an art installation thing near Spaceland and then to the Red Lion.
After dinner, it became an even better date.
It is my task to find out if I really liked him or if I really liked our chemistry.
Time will tell.
I am supposed to go out with one of the double IM guys double IM guys tomorrow night and see the Red Lion guy again on Sunday.
If there is more to report, you know I will.
At least the stuff that makes me seem cool. Or less of the freak that I am.
"When I was little, I went to see Xanadu for the umpteenth time. My parents dropped me off and there was only one other little girl in the theater. And we both were singing to the music. But it wasn't friendly. We were trying to outsing each other and see who knew the music better. And tonight...I am taking that moment back and I will totally win."
My friend Maddy related this story to me as we sat at the Alex Theater in Glendale last night waiting for "Sing-Along Xanadu" to begin.
I loved that movie as a child.
Last year, I watched it for the first time since I had been in my tweens. The movie wasn't as good as I remembered. In fact, it was bad.
Except for the music.
Which I still love.
Maddy and I compared how we both had Olivia Newton-John's "Totally Hot" album. I was 10 years old and that birthday was amazing. I got awesome chinese jacks (remember those?), a cool blouse, neat clips, and "Totally Hot". that was the birthday my mom made a cake to my specifications...(chocolate cake with chocolate pudding in the mix, chocolate chips, chocolate frosting and andes mints on top...I got the recipe from my junior cooking book and to this day when my mom thinks of it, she almost throws up. When I think of it, all I can think of is "when is my next birthday").
So seeing Xanadu on the big screen with a person who loved it as much as I did was just great.
The movie geek from Beat the Geeks (a game show I was on at one point) introduced the costume contest.
We saw previews on the screen for "the Apple" and "Grease 2". The audience was already primed.
There was a little boy there in his travolta wear. He couldn't have been more than 8 but he was quite precocious and knew ALLLLLLL the words to ALLLL the songs and actually knew some of the lines and said them out loud. He knew he was causing giggles and it only spurred him on. I thought...this act is only cute because he looks so young.
I said that he was probably really 15 years old.
Maddy was sure he was reincarnated...having been a Xanadu dancer originally and having had an early death, came back to share the love of the 80's skating movie.
The film which seemed so bad in my own home last year, was now perfect to watch with an audience a la Rocky Horror. We hissed at the bad guys, laughed at the corny lines, yelled at the screen, sang loudly to all the songs and in one song in particular, instead of lighters, the entire audience pulled out their cell phones and lit them and waved them back and forth in solidarity to Kira's plea to be "Suspended in Time". I couldn't stop laughing. And singing. The man behind me sand loudly with the harmonies which was awesome. The woman in front of Maddy and me was just as much a fan as we were and sang with the wild hand gestures we were using. The entire audience swayed back and forth to more than one song. The fact that it is sooooo 80's and very neon only made the whole film funnier. Maddy and I agreed that her outfits are still beautiful and we would still want them today just as much as we did back then.
The scene where they open the nightclub, I remember always getting sad as a kid because I knew the film was almost over.
And even though I wasn't sad that it was almost over last night, I remember the exact moment where it used to hit me.
That was kind of weird.
But it was really fun. And if that little girl that had tried to outsing Maddy way back when had been sitting next to us last night, we totally would have wiped the floor with her. We took back that moment. Olivia would have been proud.
"A place where nobody dared to go
The love that we came to know
They call it Xanadu
And now, open your eyes and see
What we have made is real
We are in Xanadu"
Went to a Hollywood shindig last night with my cousin Adonna whose artwork is astounding.
The weather was amazing and downtown sparkled (I mean glittery sparkled) in the distance.
We looked down upon Hollywood Blvd. from our party and couldn't stop staring at the man playing Spider Man down on the sidewalk. He kept posing even when no one was around.
Can you imagine that he is your boyfriend?
"Honey, I would love to have sex with you again and thanks for the awesome dinner, but my shift as Spidey begins in 15 minutes and if I am not out there, Freddie Krueger is totally gonna steal my awesome Spidey spot at the the Chinese theater in between Charlie Chaplin and the nice Storm Trooper, so I gotta bolt".
And really, how different would that be from the guys have I have been dating? Not too different.
We are off and running with our sizzle reel for our show.
Sarge is loaning us the camera.
Mads will be the DP.
Zappy is loaning us her showroom downtown.
And I am producing the dang thing.
Which I love.
But because of my obsessive personality, I think about things constantly.
Like, all the actors (read: friends) we are lining up and scheduling all the different locations and stuff.
Mixed in with dating.
Caused this girl to have dreams where I was lining up production schedules of my dates and Mads was filming us a la Blind Date.
I woke up exhausted.
But it's all good.
So if production meetings + location scouts + phone call favors + numerous emails = creative freedom down the line....I am all for it.
In fact, even if it doesn't, this shit is fun to me.
All my friends are creative and I feel like we are a more stylized, grown up, "Little Rascals" about to put on a show.
Except that instead of a sheet as a back drop, you promise sexual favors to whomever will loan out their dance space.
Which by the way...anyone with a large style dance space that we can use would be my new best friend. (payment is the sexual favor listed above...I haven't told Mads she will be the one following through with that favor but I think she will be fine with it. But I don't know if her boyfriend will...anyway details...)
Ahhhhh...I love creatin'.
1 degree of humiliation
10/14/06 07:07 am
My head is spinning.
When I was dating last month, there were a few guys that were my top faves for awhile.
There was one in particular that I really liked.
I won't mention which one, but he truly started to win me over.
He was not my type physically. He was younger than I wanted. But he was hilarious and honestly, I absolutely found myself warming to the idea of dating this impossible situation guy. He was never supposed to be someone I dated. Just someone to stroke my ego. But he was funny and brilliant. And I began to think that maybe this wasn't an impossible situation...just a bizarre one.
So I told all my close circle about him. Every story I told them about him made them laugh.
He was a smile starter.
But he was also a total pain in the ass.
Which I didn't mind until I realized that he lied a lot.
The problem was that he was so charming and had so disarmed me that I found myself telling him so much about my life.
About my family, my friends ( A LOT about my friends) and just my life in general.
He moved here from NY a year ago and said his family was back east and that he was alone out here.
Then he later admitted that he had relatives he was going to see for one of the jewish holidays.
When he descibed them, it sounded eerily like one of my friends.
I mean down to the sibling count, where they lived, the background of the parents, etc.
I asked him if his cousin was so and so. I said her first and last name.
Without blinking, he said no.
He did so much talking all the time about his radical philosphies that I never knew he was actually paying attention to the things I was saying. I mean, I knew he was listening but I had no idea that he was retaining them.
Until the day he repeated back a month's worth of information accurately back to me that I had told him.
I was stunned.
I thought he was maybe a savant of sorts.
Able to remember important facts about people.
He did this at a time when he was confessing several lies to me.
Ugh.
Very disheartening since it was such a juxtaposition of being impressed and realizing that I can't date a liar.
I hate that point when you are getting to know someone when the big red flag waves so boldly that you have no choice but to listen or play incredibly dumb.
I chose to reluctantly listen. not easily though.
I mean, he was too young, and too much of a liar and too much of a lot of things I am not looking for.
But I knew that he was someone that I would never forget.
The last time we talked, we got in an argument.
He was angry that I was still seeing other people and I was angry that he hadn't been honest with me earlier that he actually was seeing other people.
His last words were "I am not going anywhere, we will talk soon."
That was awhile ago and I haven't heard from him since. To my friend's and sister's happiness for my well being.
Tonight, as I was working online, I get a text message from Mads.
"I think mr liar dude is so and so's cousin."
Apparently, the biggest lie he told me was the one where he wasn't related to my friend.
He in fact, told my friend so and so that he was dating me. She told someone, who told Zappy who told Mads who texted me.
Cut to...me panic stricken on my couch frantically calling Mads back to find out what the hell she was talking about and how she knew.
I felt queas wondering what information I had told him.
His brain was like a sponge.
Would he ruin my reputation? What must my friend think of me? Was it like a mutual stand off - I knew stuff, he knew stuff so neither would talk?
Mads said, "you have to be careful"
"How was I supposed to know that a guy who moved here a year ago and supposedly had no family here was to be 1 degree from my inner circle?"
"That is why you have to be careful".
Fucking hindsight and all that 20/20 bullshit.
My lips are fucking sealed.
Except for this blog.
Which I revealed only to you.
I think I am the poster child for why you shouldn't online date.
After surveying his beautiful new "2 bedroom, low rent, washer and dryer in the unit" apartment, Kevin and I went to coffee.
"I joined the dating site again." I sheepishly admitted.
"What? I thought you were taking a break."
"Yes, I was. And I did. Like 2 weeks worth."
"Girl, I don't know where you will find that energy again that you put into the dating last month. I mean there were like 8 guys you had to remember."
"I know. And no. This time it will be different. I am not going on dates I don't want to if I already know I am not attracted to them. I am focused on the tv show pitch and on working out. The dating will just be background to my life. I will not try and juggle a slew of men again. It just can't happen. I learned my lesson."
So yesterday, I am IMing 2 guys at once (I know...I am such a ho). I was surprising myself that I was able to be witty, present and deep with both of them at the same time.
There were problems...like both had B names. Both live in Santa Monica. And one hates when people overly use "LOL" (which I do too) and the other guy used it and I almost commented on it thinking it was the LOL hater.
Things like that.
But I liked both equally.
And this is following a week of 4 new guys contacting me.
So now I am back up to 6. And I have even less time because the socializing season is upon me, I am exercising all the time, AND the tv show idea is becoming a much bigger reality. We are producing a reel to have the production company who is interested in it, shop it around. Lots of meetings, lots of production schedules to manage...what is a girl to do when the men come-a-calling again?
I must remember what I told Kevin. That I won't let the dating infiltrate my life like it did.
But then yesterday, after the double IM, both B's had my phone number.
Mads and I went to El Coyote before the St. California Screening at the Raleigh lot to support Jazzy and Rebecca.
"You are too funny. Double IM. You are walking a fine line sister."
"I know. I normally wouldn't have done it. But situationally, it worked"
"Something silly is gonna happen."
And with those prophetic words, it did.
I get an voice mail from a number that was Santa Monica-y.
"Hey Kirsten, I really enjoyed our IM session today."
That was the message.
That was it.
Nothing like "Hi this is B1 from our session. Here is my number."
I looked at my phone wondering how Mads's words could have come to fruition not seconds after she uttered them.
I was not going to do the obvious and call back and say, "I had 2 IM's today...which were you again?"
And I wasn't going to sit and wait.
But I vowed to sit and wait until a better idea came along.
And it did.
Last night, I was IMing B1 and I said, "you should call me some time"
and he wrote back,
"I left you a message this evening but I am questioning your message retrieval service"
Ah. Mystery solved.
I truly thought the message was from B2.
I mentioned something about the message being garbled and me not being able to hear it (thanks Mads - good suggestion).
He believed it.
Whew.
And now the number is programmed with a name.
What was it I said about being different towards the dating this time?
yeah, right. I must work on that lying to myself thing I do.
This weekend turned out to be a very nice one.
It started when I was watching some tv show (20/20?) about sloth.
The idea that you don't do as much.
And I wondered, is it in my nature to be slothy or is it my nature as a pleaser to do a lot so that others can pat me on the back, or maybe I a type A personality who likes to go go go.
I think naturally, I am in the middle somewhere. I can be slothy, but guilt and social pressures drive me a bit to be active. But I am also naturally someone who hates to sit around mulling over a problem if a solution can be found.
This weekend sort of proved itself to me.
I did a lot but at a sloth's pace:
I got a pedicure,
slept a lot (like all day Sunday),
went to an amazing cardio/weights class on Saturday morning,
watched more of the (UP series by Apted - I just finished 21UP),
hung out with Mads,
talked to Claire,
rejoined Jdate as a partial member (I know...what does the word break or end or membership expiration mean anyway to me?),
got an email from the chiropractor,
worked out 5 times last week AND stayed on my no carb diet - week one!
got another email from the music guy,
got confirmation from my landlord that he will in fact be at my apartment today to fix the stopped up sink (whew),
downloaded more music,
got an awesome email from my friend Sarah Grace and
got to see Kate Danely in the funny sketch show she is in.
It sounds like I did a lot.
But the frenetic pace I usually operate from was missing.
And so I feel like I was slothy in the most efficient way.
And it felt gooood.
So the pilot had a motorcycle, a brand new Mercedes sports car, two planes and took me to a nice restaurant.
It was a nice enough date but all that stuff really doesn't interest me as much as someone who is creative.
We got out of the sportscar at the restaurant and a Hummer pulled up next to us.
The guy got out and was yelling at his wife but staring at my date's car.
"Is that a blubbity blah blah edition?"
My date: "Yes"
Hummer Guy: "Good car. We just sold ours. A 2003. Great car actually"
So not my world.
My date didn't seem to care that others liked it or didn't.
He was more interested in showing me how it performed.
Like, have you ever been on the freeway where someone is crazily weaving in and out of traffic only to get their jollies on?
I was in the car with that guy.
He took turns and curves and offramps to show me how it performed at like 70mph.
I was smiling but white knuckling every turn.
It IS an amazing car. But will it pay for my body cast when a little old lady pulls her big honkin car out in front of us and we can't stop? It was an adventure though, I will say that.
He saw me smile and said, "that is the smile factor of the car"
I told him that could be what he tells police when they stop him for speeding.
"Officer, I was just utilizing the smile factor of this fine automobile."
He laughed.
I laughed too because we were almost back at my car.
Two more blocks.
He told me that he liked flying because he could have breakfast in SF, lunch in Big Bear and dinner in Las Vegas all in one day.
I wish I had been interested in him because meals in those places in one day sound nice.
But then I remember how the drive was and how I was silently apologizing to everyone we passed.
And I really don't need that kind of guilt in my life right now.
Pixie dust has touched my life.
Wed night, I get the call from Mads.
"Zappy and I are going to dinner. Wanna come?"
"Oh, I can't. I have salsa and then another dance class afterwards."
"Well if you change your mind, call me."
Which I did. I missed the first class and the second one just seemed like too much work to get there.
And then I called her.
And I met them to go to Venice, where without a plan in mind, we ended up at Hal's.
Yuhummmmmmy!
Due to the fact that I had space alien spaceship sized cramps on the horizon, I took about a million advils. Which stopped me from really wanting to drink.
Our waitress was an actress pretending to be waitress because I think she thought she was on a set and we were not REALLY customers.
Terrible.
But the food was worth it.
Then we meandered to the Other Room.
Where in the loudest part of the evening, we all got very philisophical and were screaming to be heard. But the things we were saying were very deep.
Or maybe they were just loud.
Same diff at that point.
As we left, zappy paid attention to a bull dog which caught the attention of a guy who walked with us and somehow talked us into having drinks with him at Hal's (again). Where we still had the same horrid waitress.
The guy, Sean, asked what we were drinking.
Mads and I said water.
"Who is the driver?"
"I am," Mads said.
"Then you are drinking what I am drinking." he said to me.
My worst thought was that I would have to drink some kind of cranberry drink or a red bull.
"But I am not a drinker" I weakly warbled to no avail.
It was a bordeaux which I totally was relieved to see.
We all talked about nothing in particular and it was fun.
Thursday night, Mads, Jazzy and MamaC and I were invited to be guests at a little private affair at Disneyland.
It was like a dream.
Not the kind of dream where you are naked in front of your family while trying to iron, kind of dream.
But the kind of dream where you can fly, or find yourself to be the only person in Disneyland. Where there are no lines. And where you can ride the rides over and over (like Space Mountain...hold on..I am still smiling).
MamaC had won a contest and we all were treated like mousy royalty. We got meal vouchers and pirate mouse hats. We danced with Micky and Minnie and had our picture taken with Jack Sparrow (who was a dead ringer for Mr. Depp - ha cha cha). It was pretty magical. The night air was warm and the park was all ours.
We left when they closed around 1:15 am.
I got to bed around 3:00 am.
I was drag dog tired today at work.
But it is the weekend.
And I am getting my hair highlighted (thank god I can finally put the tonya harding look I have been sporting to bed) and have a date with the pilot on Sunday.
Now I don't know if the pixie dust is from Mads or Disneyland or from the magic 8 ball I have been praying to, but whatever it is...keep it coming!