Turning 40 has so far been the best thing I have ever done.
If I had known that I would be shown more love than ever, feel better than ever and have everything work out, I would have done it sooner.
I have been spoiled.
And whenever I say to anyone who keeps showering me with all this goodness, that it is too much,
they always reply, "You deserve it."
To which I say, "That is how you create monsters."
Ha.
Seriously, a girl could used to this.
Tonight is my big karaoke bash extravaganza.
I am very excited.
And lucky.
And if one more person tells me I deserve it, I think I will kiss them.
Creation of Monster alert being signaled.
Don't say you weren't warned.
What's his name liked to say things that brought out my jealousy.
It was his own insecurity, I suppose.
But it made me feel like a fool for thinking I meant anything to him.
One long weekend, when we were supposed to hang out the whole weekend, he ended up only making time for me on Sunday night when we went to a show.
He jabbered on about how he had gone out the night before and had been in my hood and had thought of me.
I asked him why he hadn't called me or invited me out with him.
He never answered.
Apparently, he was on a ride along party train with a co-worker's girlfriend to a birthday party where he told me that all the aging punk women kept coming up to touch him and tell him he was beautiful.
The co-worker's girlfriend was his ride. She was also beautiful. And he mentioned how much they had in common and blah blah blah she is awesomeness personified.
I could feel my anger boiling up.
The next morning is when I ended it with him for other reasons I have previously discussed but this sort of treatment made the decision much easier.
A few weeks before, he had written a fabulous review of the co-worker's girlfriend since she is a singer.
And his column that next week was not about the magical night he and I had had when we went out to a show, but rather about his fabulous night out with this gorgeous redhead who was super fun from the night before ours.
I hated her.
And I didn't even know her.
Since I no longer have any contact with him, I try and stay away from anything that reminds me of him.
I don't go looking at photographers I know he works with even if I come upon them accidentally.
I don't look at his online friends.
I don't go near any events he *might* attend.
I am using such will power like I never have in the past to try and really get myself into a healthy place and not wallow in the "what-maybe-was-good-memories-of-a-fantasy-relationship".
So this weekend, I was listening to KCRW's Chris Douridas with special guest DJ Rosanna Arquette.
They played all kinds of cool songs.
But as I was driving, I heard a song and a voice emerge from my speakers that made me take note.
I was searching for a pen so I could write down some of the lyrics to google so I could find out who this amazing sound belonged to.
The women's voice was something unique: powerful and velvet.
And the song was slow and then not slow.
It was familiar and simultaneously entirely different.
The whole listening experience kept me guessing.
Chris and Rosanna then went over the latest playlist.
Lo and behold...the voice that had grasped my attention and made me almost crash in my search for paper and pen was the co-worker's girlfriend.
I had a choice to make.
Stay wallowing in a feeling about a woman I had never met with respect to a man who no longer was in my life.
Or.
Find out more about this singer so I can relish the music with the emotions that I felt listening to her.
I chose the latter.
Boys are temporary. Good music is forever.
I emailed her to ask when her album comes out and to praise her amazing sound.
She emailed me back with the nicest words of thanks. And requested me as a friend.
She now has a fan in me.
The Ruby Friedman Orchestra is one you should absolutely check out.
Her song "Shooting Stars" is on a loop in my head (it's also on myspace) and I can't stop hearing it.
And I didn't check to see if what's his name is one of her friends or if he has commented on her page and all that faldera.
Because it's not about him.
It's about the music.
And that music is good.
I am almost 40. There. I said it.
And it's not just that I have a birthday coming up, but I also am trying to get over being blue. Being blue from a boy, from the blah of winter, from my hair needing a highlight, etc.
But things are looking up.
Winter is turning into Spring.
I have lost weight and am still working on it.
I got my hair highlighted and it looks AWESOME!
And regarding the boy...well...
there is no better way to get over someone than to try and put yourself out there in the dating world again AND to go out with your girlfriends.
At least this has been my approach.
It has been a hit and miss experiment.
Some nights I wake up for no reason, very sad.
And then some days, I feel like my old self (whatever that means) again.
All the while, I am busy busy busy trying to keep my mind distracted.
This week...my last week of being 39, I felt a kind of breakthrough.
Of learning about myself
Of learning about others
Of accepting what I learn
I had a date with a 27 year old entrepreneur this week.
He was like no one else I have ever met. Very interesting guy.
He looked like Seth Rogen and was all teddy-bear-ish in the cutest way.
We had a great time. Plus, *I* got carded by the bartender!
It was not a romantic date at all. It was more of a friendly date.
Which is why I found it weird that the next day, I totally forgot that I had been blue and missing what's his name.
The interesting thing is that I think we were both attracted to each other. My therapist would be proud. She is having me experiment with not rushing the romance (read: sexy stuff).
It's weird for me to say the least.
The date ended with a hug and a retarded moment on my part of not recognizing my own car.
"Is this your car?" he asked (trying to look out for a Nissan Sentra - since I told him that was what I drove)
"No...my car is..." I look down the street and point.
"That is a truck."
"Oh, yeah, well then it's..."I point to something else
"That is another truck"
I look at the car he initially asked about.
"This *is* my car."
"I thought you told me you loved this car."
"yeah, I do." nervous laughter.
Some might think this is charming...and it is..if you already know me. But if you are just meeting me, it might be somewhat of a red flag.
But we have plans to go out again. Bowling this time.
I also got to meet up with the Goddess Christine this week.
We compared notes on life and such.
She is so much fun and has a lot of irons in the fire which inspires me to get my irons all set too.
Saturday, My Neighbor Lisa took me as a treat to a Hollywood club to dance and hear DJ Freeland spin. It was fun.
The most interesting thing about the evening was that it was peppered with guys who were learning how to be Pick-Up Artists (PUAs). Thank god My Neighbor Lisa is a genius and pointed out that the first few guys were doing the rules of "The Game". I started to put what she was saying together with what was going on around us.
EVERY guy asked us the same thing: Are you enjoying yourselves.
Like they were hosting the party.
And before we could either reject or accept them...they made an exit.
I would say there like 100 of them throughout the club.
Compliments(?)/Lines that were told to me:
Are you Brook Hogan?
Do you know why I came to talk to you? Cuz you're cute
I like MILF's (WTF??)
I had one 24 year old start rubbing his butt (yes, his butt) against me.
I was laughing.
He wasn't.
He was totally serious in his attempt to wow me with his stripper-like moves that would have worked better if I had been a man.
Adam Freeland was great. He is charming and full of energy and played some amazing stuff.
I hadn't gone dancing like that in a long time. It was awesome.
This afternoon, I had another date with a guy my own age.
He was also pretty interesting.
We had a nice time at coffee and then took a stroll up and down the boulevard.
Right when he was about to kiss me, we started talking about how Keenan Ivory Wayans is into the goth scene and how Kiefer Sutherland likes to f*&k girly looking men.
So he says, "well, we are here in this romantic setting and I was about to kiss you when you mentioned how Kiefer likes men"
That made me laugh.
I will keep you guessing whether he made a move or not.
I *will* say that it was a really nice date and that we were able to chat about a lot of things we have in common even though our lifestyles are VERY different.
The attraction was mutual though and that is a good place to start.
40 is on the horizon for me.
In this week, I was carded, told I was a MILF, had two dates with totally different types of people, saw an old friend (male), said good-bye to Kevin, one of my gay-boyfriends (as he embarks on his spiritual journey of the world), had amazing moments with Jazzy, Reb, Christine and Lisa.
What I realize is that it has taken *this* long to finally get who I am.
I get what makes me tick and what makes me sick.
Farkle (an ex) told me this week that what is great about me is that I have boundaries and I recognize and honor them.
It's ironic that he said that because when we split 3 years ago, it was because my boundaries were shifting and I WASN'T honoring them.
So I say good-bye to my 30's.
I have forced my friends to acknowledge that this is my birthday week.
I don't know if they will honor that force/request but here's hoping.
So I face 40 looking good, feeling a little better, being happy I have amazing friends and cool possibilities for new ones and realizing that I can't change the past, but I can be grateful it has led me here.
Life is good.
And it's about to get a little better.
"Let's play this weekend" was the facebook comment I got from Reb.
My weekend was filling up and I knew that there was limited time to see her aside from Friday night.
So I suggested Friday night.
She accepted and we went to a wine bar near my house.
A night out with Reb is always like a ride. She is not afraid to strike up conversations with strangers.
My dad is sort of the same way, so I have my role of going along but I, myself, am not usually the one who starts conversations with random people. Unless I am drunk.
I met her at the bar where we sat and drank some nice vino and ate some amazing food.
The owner of the bar came and chatted with us due to his attraction to Reb. He gave us a each a glass on the house and told me that I can come back on my birthday and he would open a bottle for me.
Aw.
Reb and I caught up and played the mutual admiration game with each other.
Sufficiently buzzed and unable to drive yet but ready to keep the party train a-moving, we headed for a walk around my hood in search of coffee.
We headed to a liquor store for a brief stock-up on necessities and Reb started a conversation with a guy who was very animated.
I thought they knew each other.
They did not.
His female friend apologized for her friend's behavior until she realized that he was leaving her with the bill AND walking away with the lighter bag of purchases.
"Eh, that's my sister," he said to Reb and me.
"Hey," she yelled, "How about you grab the heavy bag and I take the bag you are carrying"
It was clear he was not her brother.
They left and Reb and I laughed.
People in line behind us wanted to keep chatting with us, and Reb behaved like the consummate party hostess and acquiesced.
As we left the liquor store, the "brother" and "sister" team was out front.
"There you guys are!" he yelled.
"Now it's clear you are stalking us" Reb joked.
"C'mon" his sister said.
"I would sleep with both of you," he yelled to Reb and me as he was dragged down the street.
"I don't think that is his sister," I said.
"I don't either," Reb said pushing the walk button at the crosswalk.
"I have sooo been that girl before....the girl with the wrong guy who likes other girls"
"Haven't we all? And I am sure everyone around us looked at our guy the way we looked at him...like she is the prize and that he is definitely not."
"I am just very glad that I am not with the wrong person any more. I still have all the potential in front of me."
We headed to the Coffee Bean.
I went to get a hot chocolate as Reb stood outside and smoked.
I came to meet her and she was sitting at a table with Armenian teenagers who were teaching her how to play some card game.
One was David who was 21. He was the comic of the group. Next was his friend Jerry, who went by the name Slick, an admitted card hustler. He was 19. His little brother George sat across from me texting away with a hood covering his face.
Reb said something to him and then said, "Oh what do you know? You're 10."
I asked him who he was texting. He told me he was taking pics of Reb.
"Why do you have a cell phone at 10 years old?" I asked.
"Me? I am not 10. I am 15. But I have had a cell phone since I was in 2nd grade"
"What the hell do you need a cell phone for in 2nd grade?" I said
David chimes in, "He needs to be able to call his mom."
"I highly doubt that he is texting his mom right now." I said.
David laughed.
Slick was teaching Reb the card game he played and he proved to her that he really was a card hustler or a card counter.
He then bet her to play him for money.
"Why on earth would I bet you? You just told me you're a hustler."
He grinned. The first time since we sat down.
He was quite serious.
George asked Reb about marrying her so he could become a British citizen.
"Not only would I not marry you because you are 15, but I am not sure I like your attitude," she said with a smile.
George smiled back and pulled the hood back over his face.
As we were talking, a car screeched through the parking lot. A wild girl came out of the window and screamed something and then she laughed maniacally. The boys all craned their heads and then shook them.
"Is that my mom again?" Reb said to their amusement.
I went to the bathroom. When I came back. They were gone. Apparently they had to go home.
We hit it pretty soon thereafter.
Reb commented that I am a good partner in crime since I just jump in and join her.
That is what I do best.
We walked ourselves back to our cars and chatted a little more.
Reb's email to come play had provided me with exactly the adventure I had needed after a long, crazy week.
She got in her car and I got in mine. The play date had come to an end.
But as when I fell to sleep that night, I realized that my hair smelled like the food from the wine bar, cigarettes and coffee and that made me smile that playing really isn't over as long as you are willing to go along for the adventure.
And with Reb...that adventure is always guaranteed.
With all my bemoaning about the boys I date, there are times, like this weekend, when I relish *not* being in a relationship.
I feel like the last thing in the world I want is to be tied to a man.
Or even semi-loosely slip knotted.
Or even in the same room.
This isn't some weird try-and-convince-myself-before-Valentine's-Day-that-I-am-better-off mind game, it really is true.
And thank god, because for a little bit there, I was a sad sack and romance's bitch.
And I cried.
And felt like poo.
But with all the activities that I have been doing lately, I am no one's bitch. No one's sad sack and I don't feel like poo.
Last week, My Neighbor Lisa performed at Pinata (she did great!) and there were some other amazing stories about the human condition. Love in particular. And the delicate balance of trying to accept someone's faults, adoration, rejections, in the name of said love.
Great stories. But I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that I am taking the last tentacle of residual relationshippiness off my skin. And that feels very therapeutic.
Friday night, I headed with Jazzy to see "He's Just Not That Into You" at the Arclight.
I loved the book.
I didn't like the movie.
It was the antithesis of the book and made women seem crazy.
And THEN, THEN....it made women hopeful in the same way the book warns you not to be and which got you into the mess in the first place.
WHAT?
For a perfect idea of the movie before she even saw it, go read Abby Mim's blog about it. She nailed it.
After a brunch with JW yesterday (where we saw Bret from Flight of the Conchords - remember? I just dreamed about him - kind of eerie) where we recapped our past horror stories and where we cheered each other on, I headed to see "Lovelace: A Rock Opera" with a large group of my friends.
It was amazing, if not sometimes hard to watch. At one point, I realized I had my arms crossed over my chest (protection?) and then I looked around and saw many of the women doing the same thing.
I loved the music. I loved the performances. I loved it altogether.
I didn't, however, love the guy behind us who laughed at inopportune moments like when the lead guy is kicking Linda Lovelace or pimping her out.
I expected a gross retarded man from the way he was guffawing.
When the lights came up and I turned to take a look at him, he was a young good-looking guy.
Someone you might go out with.
Someone I might go out with.
And it made me shudder.
I did love the story Reb told before the show started, of how she took the proverbial bull by the horns and got an awesome job all from her moxie and her talent.
I did love that when I got home, I had a really intense, cool, apropos conversation with My Neighbor Lisa about all the dynamics of sex and the show I just saw and all the craziness that goes into all of it.
I mean, for as long as there have been humans, there has been sex. You would think we would have figured out the dynamics of what it is to be a couple by now.
Or at least figured them out better.
Watching the Tudors Second Season didn't help. Note to self...Don't go back in time to figure out how far we haven't come.
If it sounds like I am anti-men, I apologize. That is really not where I am.
But I am anti-doing all the work and being a mommy to men.
I am anti-not being satisfied with what is around me.
There was one guy on the dating site I was emailing.
He had a picture that wasn't really clear. I asked him to email a better one.
He did. He was cute.
We emailed each other for a few days about philosophy and hobbies. He was really interesting.
Then came the email that said, "oh, you might not have realized it but I am married. But I am available. Not looking for a one night stand but you are amazing and I want to continue getting to know you...." blah blah blah....
I shut that shit down pretty fast.
No harm no foul. But it is tough to be wily when you are exhausted. It is tough to be on guard when you are just looking for something sweet and nice and a place to rest your feet.
So, no I am not anti-men. But I am anti-all the antics.
And strangely, that makes being single feel better. It doesn't sound like it would but it does.
It means I haven't settled on the wrong person.
And that I still see where I need to do some work.
And in times of needing to fantasize a little bit...I realize that in seeing Bret from Flight of the Conchords, that maybe, just maybe...it is a sign that he and I should be married.
Hey, if there can be a Hollywood ending to "He's Just Not That Into You", then I can have one too...you know until the real thing arrives.
I am patient. Plus, Bret lives in my area. So, you know...anything is possible.
I guess I may still be Romance's Bitch after all.
Hooray for February!
But in the last week in January, I almost forgot I hated it.
I was busy every night, exploring LA with my great girl pals.
I felt like Mary Tyler Moore: a single gal with her friends trying to get through life with a laugh track and a smile.
Monday, I dined with Zappy and Reb. They are amazing. I am Reb's biggest fan (she is an amazing writer, artist and photographer). I am also continually inspired by Zappy.
I also heard some disturbing news about our friend JW. I ended up contacting her Monday night and even though she is going through a rough patch, she is still impressing me with her strength.
Wednesday, my Namesake at work wanted to reshape my eyebrows. I have been very lucky in my life to have had friends who have guided me towards fashion and grooming. From Mads to Namesake, I have been the fortunate recipient of their know-how. So Namesake created well-shaped brows in no time at all after work. We had planned to go walking but ended up drinking wine and chatting in her little cottage until the wee hours.
Thursday, Jazzy picked me up and off we went to the 101 Coffee shop. Jazzy used to work there and it has always seemed like a scene but Thursday was pretty mellow and all the staff was friendly. The turkey burger I downed was AMAZING! It almost made feel like I WASN'T on a diet (fyi - have lost 10 pounds since starting the diet).
After dinner, we headed to K-Town and sang some private karaoke until midnight.
I would totally post a YouTube video of Jazzy singing the Barbie song.
She was a mix of sexy, crazy, multi-personality and hilarious.
At one point, she pulled her head away from the mic during one song and said, "I don't think I can sing on key."
That made me laugh hysterically.
She is not only hot but is f-ing funny.
Friday, I met PM at her new digs downtown. This place rocked my world. It is a large Victorian house on the historic registry. 10 people live there in a communal sort of sitch but still with their own spaces. It was like I was in a new city with a view of a skyline I had never seen before.
After I oohed and ahhed and told her of my envy towards her upcoming adventures, we headed down Wilshire to the Wiltern to see James Morrison and Adele (I love knowing cool people with press passes!). The show was amazing. Poor PM was too short in our section and was surrounded by giants and kind of missed everything that was happening on stage.
The place was all women, their men, and gay men. There was one section of gay men and one woman. As soon as Adele started singing, the guy next to me screamed, "She is an ANGEL!".
The guy trying to get with him screamed, "I am melting". I couldn't help giggling. I looked around and several guys were crying.
She gave an amazing show and it was one of the first times I didn't mind standing at a concert.
After the show, we headed to Swingers and caught up on our lives since last we saw each other.
Sunday, my Neighbor Lisa told me after we gushed at the line-up for Coachella that she would get me a ticket for my birthday present. I squealed. She squealed. Standing in the desert in the hot sun surrounded by thousands of people is neither of our idea of fun, but the line-up can't be resisted. My Neighbor Lisa and I have both dated Burners and have sworn off of them. After we agreed we will go to Coachella, she joked, "maybe we will make it to Burning Man one of these days after all." I laughed. And then I pretened vomitted.
I am so grateful that February is here.
I am grateful that even though I sent out the evite to my bday party a month before it will happen, 40 people have already said they are coming.
I am grateful that I am surrounded by amazing women who have come to my aid over and over.
They understand that I have made soooo many wonky life choices because I like a good story. And when those choices slap me in the face, these friends still support me even if my drama gets old.
With everything going the way it is, I might just make it after all.
*tosses her beret in the air and twirls*