Oh yes Kidlets, it's that time again for Snapshots of my life...
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I used to think I was quite smart...especially with words. But I am starting to realize that along with my spelling skills going by the wayside, I am also hearing new words that I am forced to look up. Not that I mind since I like looking up words but I feel that these are words I should already know.
The following words are being brought to you by the letter "K" (Knowledge...or Kirsten, whichever floats the old boat of yours):
Tintinnabulation (where I saw it: someone's Facebook status update)
Prescient (where I saw it: someone's myspace comment)
Sublimate (where I saw it: an email from the Goddess Christine)
If you know them, congrats! If you don't, look them up. They are good words to know.
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Thursday was Mads and Jazzy time.
Mads picked me up and off we headed to Pho Cafe in Echo Park.
In addition to losing my spelling and word skills, I am also losing my ability to spot stars. Or rather...I think I see celebrities when they aren't really there.
(You may ask yourself, for all the things I seem to be losing, what am I gaining that would make 40 feel so fabulous. And I would answer you: a shitload of material.)
So as we walk into Pho Cafe, I squeal, "Oh my god, that is Javier Bardem!!!"
Mads looks where I am slyly pointing.
"Where?"
"There. In the dark sweater, facing away from us."
"That's not him."
"Yeah it is." he turns. Now I am sure it is Javier. "Yes, yes yes, it is...look"
"Hmmm, I don't see it."
"You don't see him?"
"No, I see the guy you are pointing at. I don't see that it is Javier Bardem."
Later when the guy leaves, I see that it isn't him in the slightest.
"I totally thought I saw him." I say defeated.
"Yeah, maybe it was his sideburns." Mads says trying to make me feel less bad.
"No, it was more than that. But now I wonder what other tricks my eyes are playing on me."
Then a couple sits down next to us. The guy is Australian. I am sure I have seen him before. Maybe he is someone I know. Or maybe I just think I know him because he is actually a celebrity, but once bitten and all that...I keep my mouth shut and wonder if we dined next to not one but two ALMOST celebrities.
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Same night, Mads and I go to the Redwood Bar (after stopping in at Stinkers but realizing it may have been too loud for our conversational interests) and we chat about life and such when we get the call from Jazzy. She has just left Taylors and will be by to pick us up where we will head off somewhere else.
As we wait out front of the Bar, Mads tells me about how the bar used to have direct phones to the LA Times since many of the reporters would go there. It was sort of like a hotline. I wonder how many Wall Street bars or Washington DC bars probably still have that. Or has that idea gone by the wayside in this time of cell phonery.
Jazzy picks us up and off we head to the Association. Right after blabbing to Mads how much I dislike my liquor sweet, I order a chocolate martini. The looks Jazzy and Mads gave me were suspect. And I wondered myself why I had ordered it. No regrets. It was yummy.
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Got in a long distance tiff with my mom.
I will write about it later.
I was wondering about material for Pinata since it is a mother's day themed one I am performing in.
And my mom and I had been getting along.
But ask and ye shall receive.
Now the trick is to elicit laughter without sympathy because my mom has done some bonkery shit.
And our recent tiff was no different.
*sigh*
But we made up.
Doesn't mean I won't expose it for humor. Because you know I will.
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This weekend was more mellow for me and I was able to catch up on my films.
I saw:
* The Legend of Leigh Bowery (I give it several stars...that man was a pioneer and it was interesting how they showcased his life and his works and his personality and still made you like him though I imagine many didn't.)
* Superhigh Me (I give it several stars also because Doug Benson is very very funny and the results in the movie remind me of an old WKRP episode trying to prove that drinking inhibits reaction time...unless you are Johnny Fever)
* Sarah Silverman Show (I give it a fair amount of stars. Not as much singing as in the first season, which I liked, but still funny. Also, I am known at work for doing the WORST Jackee Harry impression. I, myself, think it's amazing, but everyone thinks it's awful. Sarah Silverman in one of the episodes does her Jackee Harry impression and I think...I sound just like her...I should have a TV show too)
* Modern Marvels: Las Vegas (a documentary that I happened to see in the hotel in Vegas back in November. - I liked it.)
* Anne of 1000 days (it's about Anne Boleyn and it has Richard Burton in it. I didn't much care for it.)
* I Love You Man (actually went to the movies with Jazzy). I loved this movie. That's all.
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Hung out with Leigh and her toddler at the 3rd Street Promenade. I took the toddler Aubber outside of the restaurant to look at the fountain (which she called the "ocean") and as we were sitting there looking in the pond thingy, this homeless woman, reached in and grabbed the coins. She was wearing the same color sweater as Leigh and had the same color hair. Aubber points at the woman and says quizzically, "mommy?"
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While Jazzy and I were about to go into the theater to see our film at the Grove, Jazzy said, "look at that cute puppy".
And before the words were out of her mouth, I said, "C'mon, let's go pet it."
I walked gingerly up to the trio of owners who were eating their dinner at the Farm.
"Excuse us, can we pet your dog?" I said with my best smile.
I asked them questions and said, "we love puppies" and I shifted a little to let Jazzy have some petting time.
And that is when I realized. Jazzy was not beside me.
I looked around. She was still standing where she had been when I took her leave.
I nervously giggled, "ah, I really don't have an imaginary fried, I thought my friend, see her over there, yeah well I thought she was with me."
The trio of owners nervously giggled and were like, "oh, okay, crazy lady"
Those may not have been their exact words but...
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So there you have it, words to look up, movie reviews, humbling moments on my part...in short: the snapshots.
And scene.
Life is good.
Met up again with Monsieur. That guy cracks me up.
He is either as interesting and insightful as I think he is...OR he is a total player and I have fallen under his spell believing he is interesting and insightful.
Either way...I enjoy spending time with him.
Work is not as frenetic as it has been.
My hair still looks pretty good even though it needs a cut.
I have found 3 new pairs of jeans all of which make my butt look good. And it didn't break the bank to buy them.
My intention of getting to dance classes is almost becoming a reality.
My Neighbor Lisa turned me on to a vegetarian Thai restaurant in our neighborhood that I love. It's inexpensive, delicious and in walking distance.
Namesake and I are getting more prepared to start writing songs for our band.
I am getting better at meditating and not constantly wondering any more if I am doing it right.
I am slowly losing my sweet tooth (hallelujah!!! I may actually be victorious over chocolate yet!)
I am crossing my fingers that me losing my sweet tooth is not just some fluke...or a weird tumor in my tastebuds.
I am performing Pinata in May!
I am not feeling stressed about updating Twitter all the time.
I got to hang out with Mads at the Nickle Diner last weekend and then drive through East LA.
Yeah, life feels good.
And suddenly I want a piece of chocolate. Not because I crave it...but just to prove I don't.
You believe me, right?
Yeah, me neither.
I once met a guy who told me some rambling drunk story about the mythology in jazz and blues music about "crossroads". Something about it being very symbolic of man's struggle over his inner demons.
I think at the time, I nodded and was like, "Whoa...okay...deep."
And then Britney Spears movie came out with the same title and I thought, that guy's head must be exploding now.
It's funny I don't remember what that guy looked like or if I am even remembering what he told me correctly (probably not...creative license always takes over my imagination) but I remember the idea of facing your demons at a spot (I always imagine it in the desert with a crow and tumbleweeds nearby) and thinking...it's such a simple word to describe such a complex matrix of variables.
Many of the variable involving timing.
Everyone seems to be at their own personal crossroads at different times.
FGM and I had an amicable parting of the ways last night.
The date which started lighthearted (dinner + a cheesy 80's movie) turned towards the depth a 4th date requires when all you have been doing prior to this is jabber about bands and make out.
The talk mysteriously (neither of us can recall how it happened) turned towards our views on relationships.
It was the 3rd conversation I had had this week with a man telling me his skepticism towards marriage.
Not monogamy, but marriage.
And FGM took it a step further adding his uncertainty about the role love needs to play in his life.
Which isn't compatible with mine. I have certainty towards the role love plays in my life.
I gave up an amazing connection with Mr. Blondie to find it.
I am not going to settle for NOT finding it just for some company.
And it was bittersweet because he had consistently put out an effort towards making me feel special, the attraction was there and he did EVERYTHING right with regard to his dating behavior.
Which confused me when I began to notice that our in-person behavior wasn't clicking for me.
He reminded me of Burner #1 (whom I tried to date 4 various times due in fact to this confusion of good dating behavior vs not so good in-person behavior). But I tried not to let that deter me from seeing this one through.
But you notice comparisons when there are reasons to.
And the reason Burner #1 and I didn't work is probably similar to why FGM and I wouldn't work. But it's still sad when someone you are getting to know is now no longer someone you will continue to know.
He said, "you are headed where I was, and I am headed where you were. Maybe we met at this crossroads, to make sure we knew where we still want to head"
Who knew that I would meet someone at my crossroads?
Whenever I picture myself at one, I am usually alone.
It was the most honest discourse one can have when mutually realizing this isn't going to work.
The conversation got a bit dodgy at times when his past injuries of being placed in the "friend box" (which I wasn't doing) and my past injuries of feeling rejected (which he wasn't doing) briefly clouded things, but we corrected course, said our peace, hugged good-bye and I drove away with a book he had picked up for me and I left him the desserts I had brought.
The drive home felt palpably quiet and I was left with a lingering feeling that I might never find what I am looking for.
And then I remembered that things are working out for me so...it doesn't matter if I will or won't.
Settling is not an option. Continuing to find it is all I can do.
And if crossroads are about facing your demons and moving towards something better, then I guess I am doing it right.
At least mythologically speaking.
And if all else fails, I may build a cabin near my crossroads, because I seem to be visiting there a lot lately.
It doesn't have to feel so desolate.
Nothing a few plants and a white noise machine won't fix.
And who knows, I may find more neighbors before long. We can have a tupperware party or go drinking once in awhile.
If you see a white lightning streak before your eyes, it might be me.
That is the speed I have been running.
My mom called and asked how I was doing.
Me: "I am exhausted and so busy"
Mom: "Well, I mean, I think some of that is self-imposed"
Me: "What do you mean? It's ALL self-imposed. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, wait, I would maybe find more time to sleep"
Mom: "Well, that is where you need to learn to budget your time. And with all this dating try not to get a disease."
Me: "Okay. Where would I be without your golden nuggets. I was still on the fence about the dating diseases. But okay, I will try not to get one."
Mom: (laughing) I am sure you already know that but I am your mom and who else is going to tell you?"
Me: "Public Service Announcements, West Hollywood Billboards, etc"
Mom: "I mean who else is going to tell you who gave birth to you? You only have ONE mom"
How did it turn into this conversation?
She is a smooth operator.
You know who else is?
The guy I went out with last night.
I met him at Bar 107 with PM last week.
Last night he made me dinner.
He is pretty interesting. He makes me laugh and he is hella smart. And you can tell how cool I am when I say things like "hella smart" to cover up for the fact that I am only moderately smart.
I am meeting a new breed of guy lately.
I am like a foreigner in a new land.
New customs. Like not seeming over-appreciative when nice things are done for me.
Not that nice things weren't done for me with previous guys, it's just the nice things being done now are coming so easily.
In fact, FGM on our first date, which was a coffee date, bought my coffee.
When we were parting, I said at the time, "my birthday is next week so thanks for the coffee, it was my first bday present". I was trying to be funny.
But when his serious look me in the eye stare was followed with a very concerned, "Do most guys NOT buy you coffee?", I realized that my funny statement had been misunderstood and I sounded like the very grateful girl that most guys find to be extremely slutty (due to their gratefulness, follow?)
So I am learning not to let my humor co-mingle with my appreciation and override the experiences.
For instance, not one but two guys are making me dinner this week!
A 3rd guy and I had a very nice 2nd date whereby I think we will be friends but the two times I have seen him, I leave feeling very content; like maybe I am meeting one of the really good guys.
New emotions, new feelings, new kinds of guys, new career opportunities!
I am having a time lately!
And I told this all to my mom.
Who said, "That is wonderful. I am so glad. Just make sure that if you date someone, that I will like him. Cuz one of these guys MIGHT become my son-in-law and-"
Me: "Might? I hope that one day you will have a son-in-law. Has the family decided this is now along the probable lines of a Santa sighting?"
Mom: "No but you never know. I want to like him. And, well, you know what you're doing."
Me: "Thank you Mom"
Mom: "And make sure he is tall. And disease free."
Me: (groan)
Mom: "Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy. But I am happy if he is tall. And disease free."
Note to self...when mom asks how the dating is going, just answer "fine" and hang up.
So the goal was to calm my life down after my birthday.
I want to exercise, go to bed early, make time to meditate and to be honest, my main goal was to catch up on my netflix.
I have had the same 3 movies for 6 weeks! That is not cost effective, people.
But life has had other plans for me.
My life has continued at warp speed. Like a paparazzo that keeps snapping me here and there.
Click!
Went on date #2 with the Funny Goth Man (FGM) to see Bob Mould's solo show at the Hotel Cafe.
On the way there, I was telling FGM about my karaoke party.
"People always sing the same songs whenever you go to karaoke," he says.
"Yeah," I agree
"Like there is always someone who does Stairway to Heaven or Baby Got Back,"
"Totally" I laugh with him about "those people"
"And like there is always that girl who sings 'Black Velvet'.
Halt the brakes.
"What? I sing 'Black Velvet'." I screech
"Well...then...you are THAT girl."
"No, no one ever sings that song."
"Yeah, cuz you are singing it. That is a terrible song. And you are the one singing it."
The date still went well. Bob Mould was great. Stephen Trask (woo) got up on stage and performed with him.
Fun night.
And the fact that I was that girl did NOT ruin the night even if it made him question my musical tastes.
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Click!
Went to a reading of Georgina Spelvin a 73 year old former porn star who read from her new book.
The crowd was a little uh...hm...hard to figure out.
Crazy older ladies who looked like they live with cats and write political blogs, aging hipster men, younger hipster men and My Neighbor Lisa and I.
To be fair, the part she read was actually not titillating at all.
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Click!
Went to a reading of a book called Mock Stars. It was about the alternative comics like David Cross and Maria Bamford. Several of the comics listed were supposed to perform after the reading.
The reading itself was kind of painful. I am not sure if it was the author's cold or his lack of speaking skills but something that should have been funny turned out to feel like listening to an aging porn star talk about her car rather than what she was driving to.
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Click!
Went to the M. Ward show at the Henry Fonda. It was my Christmas present from Mads and Jazzy. Met up with Jazzy and Louis and Tamara at Louis's. I adore Louis. He is so full of smiles and good smells. The show was awesome. I loved the opening band Delta Spirit too.
Found Mads and we hung out for a little bit.
Jazzy: "there are so many cute boys here in western shirts and with asian girlfriends"
Me: "yup"
AT THE END OF THE NIGHT
Jazzy: "I guess you have to be a cute asian girl to have a boyfriend at this concert"
Me: "You look kind of asian"
Jazzy: "I guess that's not enough" she said half pretending to cry and half dancing as we wandered back to her car.
We ended up at the 101 bringing ourselves into a food coma the way you do after a good concert as the night turns to morning.
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Click!
Had Date #3 with FGM. We went to karaoke.
The text I received from him during the day said: I am looking forward to tonight but there is one condition and this isn't negotiable.
I wrote back: I will not sing Black Velvet. Was that the condition?
He wrote back: Correct. Are you psychic?
We ended up at the Corbin Bowl in Tarzana where he proceeded to sing NIN's "Closer" and Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People". I sang Tracy Ullman's "They Don't Know About Us" and INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart".
I begin to wonder how I never knew I was THAT girl and what other songs peg me.
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Click!
I tell Mads about the Black Velvet comment.
Mads: "Yeah, I hate that song too."
Me: "What?"
Mads: "I mean, it's fine when you sing it, but, yeah, he's right, it's a crappy song."
How did I not know this?
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Click!
Got the call from Derek that there was a little spur of the moment get together at the Malibu place that a certain singer from the Police rents out to a certain Big Name Director.
So Mads and I wrangled the gang and joined Derek's little party where Big Name Director remembered my name. It was right on the beach in the Malibu Colony. I drank some Pomegranate tequila and it was soooo good. I caught up with old friends, made new friends, ate pizza and Girl Scout Cookies (Um...didn't I just diet?)
It was a calm little fete.
Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night especially when I was planning to stay home.
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Click!
Went with PM to a gallery downtown for a cd release party of Nat King Cole after we had dinner at Pete's (mmmmm bleu cheese fries....did I forget that I am not naturally thin? Seriously Kirsten...reign it in). The cd party was quite packed but we found a good corner to people watch and dance to the cool tunes that were playing.
We left the party and headed to Bar 107.
Outside the bar, I saw a man cutting a woman's hair. It was the Hair Cowboy, Kanu Saul who cut my hair sooo many years ago. I chatted with him as he cut her hair. We talked about Daniel, My Neighbor Lisa's friend who did a short film about Kanu. He hugged me good-bye as I reassured the gal whose hair he was cutting that his cut was my best cut EVER!
We walked into Bar 107 and grabbed seats at the bar.
I told PM about what the FGM said about Black Velvet.
"Yeah, I hate that song too. And yeah, it was okay when you sang it but yeah, you are THAT girl."
I was stunned.
I don't even LOVE the song. I just have fun singing it for some reason.
But I have officially taken it off my roster.
Who knew that it brought that reaction out of people?
I usually am better tuned in to shit like that.
At least I don't do "I Will Survive". I don't want to be EVERY damn girl at karaoke.
PM and I struck up a conversation with two guys who had the same wristbands we did from the gallery. Turns out one of the guys is a co-owner in the gallery. Small world.
PM and I chatted with them and then felt the pull of the clock and headed back home.
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Click!
Tonight I am meeting a young handsome artist. Only reason is because...he is cute.
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Click!
Tomorrow is the Art Loft party after the downtown Art Walk that I hope I will have enough energy to attend.
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My goal is still to exercise, eat right, go to bed early AND watch Netflix.
It's good to have goals.
But when the camera keeps taking snapshots of my life, I have to pose.
And pose I will.
Click! Click! Click!
Back in December, my friends asked me what I wanted to do for my upcoming 40th.
I told them that I didn't want to do anything.
"What??? It's your 40th!!!!"
"I will think about it," I said.
"You HAVE to have a theme," they pushed on.
Nothing came to my mind.
Then one of them, probably Mads or Jazzy said, "KARAOKE!"
Well, that was all I needed to hear.
So I staked out the place a few weeks ago with Namesake to find out how the venue was on a Saturday night.
It wasn't too crowded. Perfect.
I was now free to plan for as big a crowd as any.
I got to know the DJ and told him we would be arriving at the end of February with a large group.
The week leading up to the "big night" was filled with lots of people spoiling me. Mads took me shopping for a new outfit and a delicious dinner, Jazzy took me out on my actual birthday, Kate and KABoss took me out for pedicures, My Neighbor Lisa got me tickets to Coachella, the gifts from everyone at work were over the top, I had 4 people baking me yummy deliciousness, and my dad was coming into town. I also went to celebrate my friend PM's bday with her in SilverLake since her birthday is the day before mine. The party train had begun.
Last night, 46 people showed up to the Eagle Rock Bowling Alley Bar. But we weren't the only ones.
There were 3 other birthday parties happening.
It was crazy crowded to the point that my boastful singing peeps who have normally sung, were too intimdated to.
It was really fun though. I sang 4 songs (2 really well, 1 kind of not good at all).
Namesake sang and wowed all our co-workers with her powerful voice.
Cupcakes were eaten, greasy chinese food and yummy french fries were inhaled, drinks were bought, Jazzy made the most amazing flower arrangements for the tables and a florist she and Mads work with brought me a huge huge vase filled with roses.
My dad said, "Monday is going to suck for you when you realize it's no longer about you."
I laughed in the way one does when they hear foolishness.
I got to know all the other birthday people in the place. We danced, we congratulated each other, swore our undying love of Piscean acknowlegement to one another.
When we were about to leave, Richard, the DJ, told me that I had to sing one more song.
I couldn't decide. My last one hadn't gone so well and I wasn't sure what to sing.
So I picked "Take it to the Limit" by the Eagles.
I requested that the audience help me out with the chorus but my dad told me later that it was hard to hear me talking. Which is probabl why when the chorus came up the first time and i held the microphone out to the audience for them to sing along, they didn't.
But they caught on quickly and the place was singing with me and I finally found the stage presence and audience interaction I knew I had in me but which had never emerged in all my years of doing the karaoke thang.
And around 1am, My Neighbor Lisa, Namesake, Evren, my dad and I were the last of our group to leave. All of us carrying the flower centerpieces Jazzy had so beautfully created and the bounty of gifts I had received.
Trying to shove the balloons in my trunk was difficult. I said, "This is worse than shoving dead bodies in the trunk" and realized I may be taken seriously. Or would I? I would take a woman seriously who is shoving ornery balloons in a trunk who looks like she is on a game show challenge and failing? I mean really.
The night was very quiet compared to the din of the loud singing we had just left.
My ears were kind of ringing as I lay my head down on the pillow.
But the good kind of ringing.
And now my real life as a 40 year old begins.